I am 22, I live at home, I don't work and I rarely leave the house. But lately I've been seeing someone and I was just wondering how long do you think I should wait before telling him about my Asperger's? I don't want to scare him off.
2006-09-11 14:29:48 · 12 answers · asked by Daisy M 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I disagree with a lot of those answers. Yes, honesty is the best policy, but if you have only been dating him for a short time, then he hasnt really gotten to know the real you. He has to get to know you and care about you first. Asperges needs to be understood first. Telling him now that you have asperges could really put him off if he doesnt know anything about the illness, especially if you two have only known each other a short time.
Wait a little while, find out his true feelings for you, when you feel secure in how he feels about you, then bring it up. But when you do, have a print out ready to give him, explaining the illness...he needs to understand it before he can make an informed decision. If he cares about you as a person, then it wont matter because like one other answer said some of the nicest people have Asperges. Get as much positive information about Asperges to enable this man to not fear the illness. If a person doesnt know you well then any kind of disorder will frighten them off if they dont know anything about it.
I certainly wouldnt wait until the relationship was serious enough that you were thinking of marriage. You need to pick the time when you believe he has gotten to know you well enough and care for you to be able to handle the information with an open mind.
I think if you told him straight away before he got to know you well would frighten him off. Think of it this way. A couple marry, they are madly in love with each other, then one of them suffers a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair. The love is there, therefore the partner wouldnt care about the wheelchair. But would he choose to be with a wheelchair bound partner to begin with...probably not. He has to learn about the person first, then once caring is established, if he is an intelligent sort of a guy, then the Asperges wont matter as long as he is given some good sound information on the illness.
You deserve to be happy, so if there is a chance that this man will make you happy, then dont blow it by telling him too soon. That is only my opinion, but that is what I would do. Its not deceiving him....all you are doing is giving him time to get to know the real you without you putting a label on yoursel that may scare him off.
2006-09-11 15:18:11 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty may be the best policy as some people think but unless this relationship is serious (which at this point its not) I don't see why anyone needs to know something like this.
When you see things getting more involved then is the time to explain this to him and by then you will have a better understanding of what type of person he is and whether this is something he will run from or not.
Aspergers is not a horrible thing you know, some of the brightest people in the world have it, it is the general publics misconception of it that makes it difficult for those with it able to just talk about it.
2006-09-12 04:26:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aspergers is not an illness. It is a condition of your mind or say a type of personality.
I was also diagonsed with Aspergers. On social level I'm also suffering a lot. I'm also 22. I am very reclusive. I hardly have any friends. And I am extremely obbessive about art. However, I was told that I have an above average IQ and EQ. I'm an artist and on artistic level I very happy with myself. Most Aspergers can be gifted. I believe you should discover your gift.
If you're already seeing someone, and that person is interested in you, great. You don't need to hide it, if that person has enough maturity and capacity to understand you and love you. Most likely you'll be loved even more.
i would like us to be friends: here's my site -http://360.yahoo.com/rishikaysh
2006-09-11 21:45:41 · answer #3 · answered by ricci 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on how long you've known him, does he have the capability to understand what aspergers is and how folks with aspergers live very productive, wonderful lives? Beyond that, you need to get to the point where you are comfortable and you feel as though you can trust him. I don;t think there is any rush in telling him, it has to feel right to you and that might take months or even years,
2006-09-11 22:07:21 · answer #4 · answered by Twin 2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an Asperger's I can throughly recommend telling your partner. If this is a relationship you want to last then they need to understand why you do certain things and act certain ways.
There are a few books on relationships available via the http://www.nas.org.uk/
Since my diagnosis I have been very open both with friends and at work. This has made relationships a lot easier. People understand and do not judge me for my actions(most of the time!)
Telling someone else and have them there for you is very helpful ( my wife is very understanding)
If you want to dicuss any more then please feel free to send me a message.
2006-09-12 07:23:44 · answer #5 · answered by bobbi b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you just act naturally, and if you realise you have done something he might consider odd that you can explain by the fact that you have Aspergers, mention it then. I don't think you should sit him down and tell him about it as if it is some horrific illness or disease. Just mention it if it comes up, and answer any questions he has.
2006-09-12 06:32:50 · answer #6 · answered by helen g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been studying Asperger's out of curiosity and found them to be some of the loveliest people on this planet. Understanding them is the secret, you'll never be disappointed. Tell them straight away.
2006-09-11 21:43:02 · answer #7 · answered by Premdas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honesty is always the best policy. he will either accept your aspergers and understand you a little better or he wont which means your not meant to be together anyway.
also if you respect yourself, including your aspergers, other people will treat you with respect.
2006-09-11 21:34:30 · answer #8 · answered by duncan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it matter of factly on the 3rd date. I think by the 3rd date he's confirmed he likes what he sees, and hears so getting into some facts about you wouldn't be harmful.
If he decides that he doesn't want to date you based on that information, (which is a big part of who you are and how you think) then you won't be too attached to him to hurt over his shallow decision to end dating you.
2006-09-11 21:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him right away thatw ay you have the truth out in the open, i am a schizophrenic and i told my now hubby right away and still wanted to marry me. he doesnt understand my illness but he tries and that is the main thing. i have mad mood swings and cant get quite volatile at times but he always supports me when i am having a bad spell and that is the main thing.
be upfront with thios guy if he likes you then it will not bother him
2006-09-12 04:07:48 · answer #10 · answered by welshwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋