should i go to my sisters wedding?

Question

i was planning to do my sisters hair and make up along with the whole wedding party as well as be a bridesmaid myself. But it hit the fan when my sister told me that my husband is not invited. Due to the fact that it would make some of the family "uncomfortable". My husband and i have just been thru some hard stuff and were taking a break about 7 months ago. We were living apart for 1 month. We just got a new house and are doin great but my sister and a few other siblings are still upset with my husband even though i initiated the break. Needless to say after my sister dropped the bomb on me i dropped out of her wedding and am now standing by my marriage. I cried for nearly a week straight. NO LIE. but i am still so torn. I dont wanna miss it but how can i possibly choose between them?

Answer 1

Well, its unfair she is making you choose. She( and the other family) should be happy you aren't another statistic in the divorce category. She should also be adult enough to recognize the importance of stability and respect within a marriage. Everyone has this "idea" of marriage, and the idea of what it should look like from the inside out -- but also (in the nosey aspect -- your sister) outside in. I think you should talk to her -- heart to heart... she needs to be an adult. The princess syndrome most brides get is sickening. I wasn't like that -- i was very obliging with all wishes -- just to take the tension away. She needs to realize that she can't control your life and needs to realize that you are happy, and at least you are moving forawrd -- instead of moving out. Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm really sorry that your sister is being selfish towards you like that. How could she expect you to do everyones hair and your own on the wedding day?! That is alot on you. Are you getting paid to do it? She sounds very confused right now. How can she expect you to do her these favors and then not allow your husband to be apart of the big day too? You should not do anyones hair but instead be responsible to have your own done. Definatelly go as a Bridesmaid, because if you don't she will never forgive you. But maybe leave earlier in the night to be with your husband. If she ask why you are leaving early, tell her because you have a husband to be with. Maybe even explain to her how having your husband feel as an outcast bothers you deeply. She may think twice and change her mind.

Answer 3

I was going to tell you that your sister was being an unreasonable snot until I read your question about a spouse being on meth. I am going to guess that was your hubby.
If he had a drug problem, there is a good chance inappropriate behavior or violence was involved. If this is the case, then your sister was completely justified in not inviting him. I would not invite an abusive drug addict spouse to my wedding. If he is clean, and not abusive, maybe. But I can understand the uncomfortable situation. As hard as it may be, you have to look at it from her point of view. How would you feel if it was HER husband, with whatever problems?
Ultimately the choice is up to you, but I think if you don't go, you will end up regretting it down the road.

Answer 4

WOW! Thats harsh. Have you tried talking to your sister now that things have had time to settle down? Try talking to her nd asking her how she would feel if one of your other siblings were getting married, but her new hubby wasn't invited. If she won't budge, talk to your husband and the two of you decide together if ou should attend or not. I say stand by your marriage. It sounds like the last thing you and your husband need are more "issues" to deal with and your sister will always be you sister. I'm sure she loves you, she is probably feeling a lot of pressure and took out on you without thinking about the consequences of her actions. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

You shouldn't have to. If it were any other type of relationship, I would say get over it, but not a spouse.

Yes, it's her day. Yes, it's her decision. Yes, she should be happy on her day.

BUT

It's not just a date she disapproves of, it's your husband! She should not be picking and choosing whether or not he can attend. If you were single and the invitation read "and guest" she wouldn't have a say in who your brought. If she disliked him, but you two had never separated, then she probably wouldn't have thought twice about inviting him, it would be a given.

Remind her that it is rude and in bad taste to expect ANY guest to come without their spouse. Problems or not, he is your husband and the man you chose to spend your life with. She can deal for one day, there will be enough people there that she won't even have to talk to him. Anytime a guest is married, engaged, or has a live in partner, it is expected for them to be included. Trying to keep him from her wedding is a slap to you, not just him.

Get the names of everyone who will supposedly be "uncomfortable" with his presence. Talk to them yourself, don't just go on her word. Tell them that this man is your husband, for better or worse, and he is a part of your life and your family, which makes him an in-law to them. Ask them why they can't put their differences aside for one day. See how many people admit that they don't like the idea, and how many people deny it. Confront your sister with the numbers. She may be making it up, or your family won't admit how they feel. Either way, they should tolerate him for your sake.

Since you feel this strongly, and I don't blame you one bit, tell everyone that it's either a couple or nobody at this wedding. If they can't learn to be polite to him, then you won't be around much until they can. It's a total crock for a wife to have to choose between her husband and her family.

Answer 6

I was kind of in a similar situation I ended up going to my sisters wedding during the last hour of it. I regretted it, it looked liked everyone had a good time but me. Your sister shouldn't have put u in that position especially for a wedding, where its all family and friends. There are most likely gonna be whispers about u and the reason u didn't make it. I know people talked about me. At least if u go u are able to defend yourself or make up an excuse if he decides not to go.

Answer 7

All I have to say is that your sister AND your husband are acting like selfish children (FYI, I chose to not use stronger words, but I was thinking them!)

Your sister should understand that your husband is the other half of you and he comes with (especially at this particular event, she should have that whole concept!).

Your husband should understand that your sister needs you on her wedding day, and that there is stress in the relationship.

I believe you should go.

I also believe that you should sit down with the family members who are having difficulty with your husband, and remind them that you're in a partnership.

Answer 8

YOU CAN'T. I HAVE THE SAME THING WITH MY SISTER'S HUSBAND. HE'S A COMPLETE CREEP AND IS TERRIBLE TO HER. IT MAKES FOR A VERY UNEASY FAMILY SITUATION.

YOU HAVE TO REALIZE YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU SO WHEN THEY SEE HIM TREATING YOU BADLY OR OTHER PROBLEMS IT HURTS THEM LIKE A FAMILY HURTS. THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO PROTECT YOU AND THEY SEE THE RELATIONSHIP FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. MAYBE A BETTER VIEW THAN YOU HAVE.

IT'S DIFFICULT BUT THEY WILL HAVE TO REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE MADE THIS DECISION AND WILL HAVE TO TRUST THAT YOU'VE MADE A GOOD ONE. THAT 'HARD STUFF' IS SOMETHING THAT CAN COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU AND THEY KNOW IT AS I THINK YOU DO, TOO. IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU MIGHT GET BLINDSIDED. I HOPE NOT. IT'S GOING TO HAVE TO BE A DUAL AGREEMENT BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. JUST KEEP IN MIND THEY HAVE MOST LIKELY SEEN SOME STUFF YOU HAVEN'T REVEALED HERE SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WORK AT NOT GIVING THEM REASON TO BE UPSET.

YOUR HUBBY WILL HAVE TO BE REASONABLE TOO. HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO REALIZE HE'S DEALING WITH FAMILY AND IF THE TABLES WERE TURNED HIS FAMILY WOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY.

I HOPE FOR ALL YOUR SAKES YOU CAN REACH AN AGREEMENT AND MAKE YOUR FAMILIES WORK. I KNOW IF IT WERE ME AND MY SIS I'D BE HEART BROKEN. AND SO WOULD SHE.....

Answer 9

You should not chose between them. Your sister is wrong for doing that to you. I would still do her hair and makeup but I would not attend her wedding. You can't blame them for taking sides they are your family and love you, however they should accept your decision to stay with your husband. Your family is disrespecting you by disrespecting him. Understand their anger but, make your marriage work it that is what you truly want. If he has cheated on you or hit you it will take a while for your family to forgive him even after you already have.

Answer 10

thats really hard, that would hurt my feelings too, however your sister is still your sister and will always be your sister, nothing will ever change that and she may never get married again why dont you sit down your husband and talk to him it may be that he doesnt want to go anyway and doesnt mind if you go. there is no chose between a sister and a husband your husband has to come before your sister but this is a fact husbands leave you and your sister never will.