How do I tell my sister in a nice way to stop spoiling my children?

Question

I do not believe it is good for them and I have instilled in them that money is hard to get and should be used with caution . But whenever my kids go to see her or she comes to sees them , they always end up with things like ipod's , nice clothes and other things. (last time my 8 year old daughter showed me a diamond/gold bracelet) . Part of me believes this is due to the loss of her own children who died at a young age. The bracelet incident is where I sort of drew the line since I believe 8 year olds should not be wearing that. They have begun wasting money like she does. I recently got an update in their bank accounts and boy. was I shocked. Even worse is that I believe she may be buying my son a car for his SIXTEENTH birthday. I do not want my kids ending up homeless and wearing Chanel. How do I tell my sister to stop buying them lavish things nicely?

Answer 1

This is a toughie. I think you can still instill good values and let them have the occasional great gift from their Aunt. If your son gets a car ~~ make HIM pay for the insurance. Let your daughter wear the bracelet on special occasions. It seems to me you might be a little jealous. Take a good look at the situation. Have a talk with the Aunt and try to come to an amicable agreement. ~~~ (I'm assuming she isn't living out of a box and wasting money).

Answer 2

Sit her down and tell her that you appreciate all the nice things that she does for your children and how much they enjoy spending time with her. However, you are trying to instill a different line of thinking in regards to money and "things" than you feel that she is teaching them.

Tell her you don't want your kids to get to the point that they seem to only like her because she buys them things. You want them to have a relationship based upon love, family and friendship.

I would suggest you ask her to consult you when she wants to purchase a gift for your kids over a certain dollar amount (you set the limit). That gives you some say in the matter and the kids will know that Mom must be consulted, that things don't just get handed to them so easily in life.

Good luck!

Answer 3

o my...that does sound like a tough one.

i can see why you don't want to hurt your sister.

i suggest you talk to her, let her know, gently, that you want your children to learn how to spend money & save money carefully.
Only allow her to continue with the gift giving if the children earn these things. Maybe an ipod for a month of lawn care.
you must make the 8 year old return the braclet (it is crazy to give an 8 year old diamonds)

as for the 16 year old and the car.....i'd let that one happen if he gets a job, holds a job, & pays his own insurance.~i'd set an ammount of time...like 5 months....that he must hold the job before getting the car and in those 5 months he must maintain a high GPA, and maintain 5-10 set chores as his own. Any slip at all and he looses the car.

Answer 4

Maybe you could tell her that if she wants to give your kids things, they have to earn it from her. With good grades, or doing some work for her. It sounds like you are probably right about her spoiling stemming from the loss of her own kids. So stress to her how much your kids love her and how they will keep loving her without the stuff. If you think she is having a really hard time with the loss of her children maybe help her find some help. I hope all works out for you and your family good luck

Answer 5

Well, I am an aunt - and I love to buy things for my neices and nefew when i have the money - but I'm not rich. She is still just their aunt though. I do believe the example they will ultimately follow is you. They love their aunt - I'm sure. But YOUR opinion of them and what you teach them will leave the biggest impression on them.

I don't think it is really spoiling them if they are well behaved and mature for their ages to recieve nice things. I mean if you are teaching them that material possession are not the most important things in life - you are teaching them life values about kindness, working hard, being good to their fellow man... It all depends on what you're teaching them - that is what they will remember.

As far as their money goes - everyone makes mistakes with money when they're young - it is live and learn. They just need more training in that area.

Don't worry, your sister might be wanting to be an important figure in their life - but you will always be MOM and they will love you the most.

Answer 6

you really need to go carefully here as your sister has lost her children ,I would talk about your concerns about them not learning good values ,its fine for her to spoil them a bit but she needs to tone it down a little ,save the car for is 18th maybe,or at least start with an old car to learn in and get the good one when he has proved himself a good driver.may be put the bracelet away for a few years.don't criticise her ,stick to your concerns about the children .also try not to over react ,you have the job of teaching them and if you have done that then they wont end up in the gutter wearing Chanel because of a few nice gifts from aunt.

Answer 7

well on one hand i kinda understand why she is spoiling them because of her loss..but on the other hand children are VERY MANIPULATIVE and they KNOW when they have a family member wrapped around their little finger ....so yea its best u nipped this in the bud right now...or they will start to replace their love for their AUNT FOR HOW MUCH MONEY IS SHE GONNA GIVE US THIS WEEK......

not trying to be mean but hey I live in the REAL WORLD ...where things like this DO happen.....and I am only trying to give you truth...all I can say is be BLUNT, BE HONEST, but say it in a compassionate tone..have a heart to heart with your sister..she is obviously still mourning the loss of her children....but still it has got to stop ..i agree a diamond/gold bracelet is too much for an 8 year old....

thats whats wrong with children today..they are growing up way too fast and not being children like they are supposed too.....

Answer 8

I have to be honest with you, she sounds like a fantastic auntie, mine gave me hardly anything at all growing up. I wouldn't see what your sister is doing as a bad thing.

Just sit down and explain to your kids that they shouldn't take it for granted that things are always going to come easy to them. Teach them to appreciate what they have, and if they over spend and end up with no money - don't give them any more, no matter how much they whine and compain about it. Make them do chores for their pocket money, have them mow the lawn, wash dishes, fold laundry - whatever it takes.

Your sister sounds lovely, don't make her feel bad. Just explain to her that she doesn't have to give them expensive stuff all the time, and ask if maybe she can keep the special gifts for times like birthdays and Xmas. I'm sure she would understand. :-)

Answer 9

I wouldn't tell her. I think you need to look at your money issues, and not give them to your children. Money and material goods are not everything. As long as you have raised them right you shouldn't have to worry about them. Having an ipod or a new car never made anyone end up homeless. Indulge your sister and be happy that your children have nice things.

Answer 10

Talk to her and explain it just the way you did there. Explain in the nicest way possible that while you and the kids of course love the gifts, (make sure to put it in such a way that she doesn't get all defensive) perhaps suggest that if she really does just want to give things to the children, a trust fund, college fund or something like that. Hope this helps, Good luck!