i have been married almost 4 years?

Question

my husband and i started to go to church (christian) and the reason because I told him that I didnt love him anymore and wanted out. Now that we are going, yes I do feel good inside, and yes I am still with my husband, but I pray everyday the love to come back in my heart. Its hard because the only time I can really be with my husband (sex) if I am either High of weed and just let my mind go...I do care alot for him, because we been thru alot together and I do want the best for him too and i want to stay with him if I can be happy all around. Its been about 2 months that we have been involved in church with our kids. Yes we still have or fights, and we still have our issues like before. and I know GOD doesnt want me to divorce and remarry.. and I really dont want my kids to go thru again another failing relationship..(if that would of happen) So does this mean just go to church and follow christ and wait even more?I am confused on this. and my husband isnt helping the situation.

Answer 1

Start ACTING like you love those babies and their daddy. LOVING FEELINGS FOLLOW LOVING ACTIONS---LOVING FEELINGS
FOLLOW LOVING ACTIONS---choo choo. Repeat it like a mantra, and live by it. And don't be surprised if six months from now, you are DELERIOUSLY in love with that man (and maybe you won't even feel the need to escape into Weedsville anymore, either.)

Good for you for recognizing you need help and looking for it. It would be great if you could quietly ask around at church, and find a couple of older married women who can encourage you, and, like the Bible says, show you how to "love your husband and love your children" (in very practical ways--remember, loving feelings follow loving actions.)

The church isn't just a place to go...it's a place to help one another, to the glory of God, and yeah, you are right, there will be no glory brought to God by yet ANOTHER Christian marriage down the tubes. And DO *not* use these older Christian women (or anyone else at Church, for that matter) as sounding boards to kvetch about your husband. Remember, they're there to help you learn to love him, not to help you tear him down.

The change in YOU might be enough to bring hub around; if not, consider mariage counselling---number one thing is to learn how to listen and talk to one another.

Satan is out to destroy marriages, especially Christian ones. Don't get mad at your husband when a fight starts, redirect that anger to Satan, tell Satan to hit the dang road, and start praying for your husband and letting down your defenses instead. WITH JESUS' HELP YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Answer 2

lianapaz, No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. The people who look and wait for perfection often live lonely lives..

My wife and I have been married for almost 40 years. A few of those years were spent arguing more that getting along. Somewhere along the way something happened. I think we both realized that Perfection was a fools dream.

Its hard to put it in words but I think that we realized how much we loved each other faults and all. Yes we still both have different opinions about many things and both can become quite vocal defending what we see as right, but that doesn't mean we don't care about each other.

No one can tell you if you love him enough to stay with him. That is a decision that only you can make. I can tell you that it takes two to have a fight, or a good relationship. A good relationship and an occasional fight are not mutually exclusive.

If he is abusive to you or the kids I would get out. If hes good to the kids and the problems are just between the two of you give it a chance. Remember the problem that you are speaking of exists only as a thought in your mind. If you can think it one way, its well within your power to think something else. If I were you I would be in no rush to do anything right now. I think that I would just give it a while and see how things turn out. Good luck.

Love and blessings
don

Answer 3

Wow, when AskDon gives a good answer you know this must be a touchig question.

AskDon's answer was pretty good too. Heed it.

God scrificed Jesus to help save mankind.

Jesus allowed himself to be scarificed to do this. Willingly.

Now, Jesus tells us when someone strikes you on the cheek to turn the other cheek and offer that to them. Jesus, however, didn't expect anyone to be a door mat or whipping post.

It takes two to tango.

You don't talk about the arguments or what casues them.

You, obviously, like giving in to them and particpating.

The first thing you need to try is NOT do that.

Just turn the other cheek grin and bear it.

Let him argue with the air in front of his face.

This doesn't mean you ignore him, you certainly must aknoweldge him but don't participate in the argument.

Let him dance by himself.

That's the starting point.

Maybe if he get's tired of dancing alone he's start communcating.

This also does not mean you go along with thing.

You stand your own ground and make your own mind up.

Just don't play the argument game.

That's your starting point.

Next, understand you don't fall out of love. The love either was there or it wasn't.

You can fall into love, but it takes an open mind and a willingness to do it.

Do you fall out of love with your children!

It's going to take a lot of work, scarifices and it may still not work.

You may also have to make some hard choice.

There is no rule that says you have to occupy the same bedroom. Sleep on the sofa. Take another room. Sleep with the kids.

You both have to clear the air, confront one another and then reach a compromise without compromising.

There's a lot of good advice here.

Look it over and see what you can utilize.

Answer 4

If you two will continue to go to church, see what you can learn about LOVE, as in compassion and forgiveness - Charity not sex!

We've been married for more than 50 years and have been through good and bad times. I don't want to go into details here but I can tell you that true love conquers ALL!

We had to learn that laying blame does not solve anything. We each have our faults and try to cover them up. The easiest way to do that is to blame others and circumstances. We don't REALLY want to hurt the other, but tend to retailiate when "they" do it to us. We are starting a viceous cicle.

We learned that saying "I'm sorry" instead of sniping back is an excelent start. Your husband is just as imperfect as you and can make mistakes just like you. Don't you think that if you apologize for something he's upset about, he would be more inclined to forgive you and be less critical of what you do wrong? And that you would be more inclined to do better next time?

It works both ways if you work at it. And believe me, it's worthwhile! Jesus recommends to love God with all your being and above all things - and to love your neighbour as yourself - the "golden rule". Your husband is your closest neighbour!

You've done the first step: you are looking for help. I would recommend you read 1.Corinthians 13. In verses 4-7 insert your name for "charity" or "love" (depending on your translation). That's something my brother taught me. He's been married longer than us!

If there is that kind of love, even sex is good.

Another thought: Just imagine! If all humans would willingly (not because they have been told) act out of compassion and forgiveness toward the "others" there truly would be peace on Earth! - No, I'm not perfect either!

As someone else put it: Love IS the answer - whatever the question!

Answer 5

First, I want to let you know no matter how I sound I am not judging you.
What caught my attention the most was how you do not want your kids to have to deal with another failed relationship. The question to your answer CAN NOT be answered in here but maybe someone, maybe me, maybe not, might be able to help you discover it. The first question you need to consider is "What do you look for in a relationship?" Another is "Why did you enter into this relationship?" If you are anything like me the answer to the second is "primarily for the kids". If this is the case it's an unhealthy one that I discovered the wrong way. I went through stages. When I first became pregnant with my eldest boy his father had abandoned us. My first instinct was to find a father figure for my baby. I went through 2 before I discovered that was wrong. Next, I took some selfish time and looked for a guy for myself (my children never met him). Finally, after maturing greatly, I looked for a man for both ME and MY CHILDREN. Anyway, I suggest you write down your thoughts about what you want and what you have to be able to visually see where you stand. If you decide you only stay with your husband for the sake of your children I can tell you that this is a very unhealthy situation for everyone involved. If you have daughters they can sense you are unhappy and may think they must "settle". If you have boys they may think it's alright for the woman to be unhappy as long as he is. Another side effect is if your husband senses or knows anything he might be hurting just as much. None of you deserve such a life. If you come to the conclusion it's time to end the relationship it might be for the best.
Just to let you know, I am Catholic, believe in God, but I know for a fact it was man who wrote the Bible and even though God is not fallible man is. I know in my gut that God wants his children to be happy and would give you His blessing no matter what you decide. God bless.

Answer 6

My mother and father have been married for 34 years, there is nothing the man hasn't put her through. I always wondered as a child why she didn't leave him if not just for our safety. Now looking back it was more important to her that the bible said you will not divorce, than all the pain she endured. God was with my mother every step of the way or she would have never made it. However I think it would be worse if you stayed with him and found contentment outside the relationship if you know what I mean. God will give you an answer, you must be open to hear it, even if its not what you think it should be.

Answer 7

The issue here is not going to church. Your issue, mainly, seems to be with a husband that you're not physically attracted to.

Primary questions: Have you allowed God to have control over your life? Have you accepted His forgiveness? Has your husband?

I wholely commend you for trying to make it work, & it's absolutely wonderful that you've gotten the kids involved - it's the best thing for them.

A Christian marriage isn't built around the husband & wife - it's built around the couple's love of God.

He certainly doesn't want you to divorce just because you're not attracted anymore. Neither does He want you smoking weed or closing your eyes to the beauty of matrimonal sex.

If you & your husband haven't given over to God, your marriage will never be all that it was intended. This should be your staring point. Get yourselves right with God, & He'll help you get the marriage right.

Answer 8

You should see a marriage counselor with your husband. If you really want to save this marriage, just going to church and smoking weed will not help.
You need to work on it. Everything in life needs work, marriage included.
A person cannot just marry someone, and assume that they will live happily ever after, because that just won't happen. When a person first meets someone they're attracted to, it's exciting, and fun, and everything is new. Eventually that person develops a routine, and the fun and excitement is gone. You might be missing that, and if so, then that is no reason to end a marriage.

Answer 9

Funny thing about bandages; sooner or later they fall off and if they're left on too long it sometimes makes the injury worse.

You're trying to fix something obviously broken with the ill-advised combination of marijauna and born-again Christian, not to mention the stereotypical 'We must stay together for the children' excuse that has been widely disproved as a fallacy.

Here's a few thoughts on God - though it's not actually said in The Bible, it is implied by the giving of free will to humans that 'god helps those who help themselves'. You're just sitting on a pew and begging for him to suddenly implant love back into your heart? Have you actually tried any marriage councilling? With the pastor of your church since your husband is using the church against you to keep you in line? And here's a thought; maybe God wants you to divorce and that's why you are suddenly going to church and finding peace in it - wham, what a nice support system for going through a divorce.

You refer to your children as 'our kids' and also state that you don't want 'your kids to go thru another failing relationship'. First of all, your kids are already going through another failing relationship. Children are not idiots and if they've gone through this with you before, they probably have a better grasp of reality than you do right now. Are any of these children your husbands? Or is this a case of your kids and his kids when you use 'our kids'?

You need marital counseling, regardless of whether or not you husband will go with you. Your entire family could likely use family counseling. You most certainly need to address your marijauna use.

And speaking of opiates; here's a quote for your from Karl Marx (granted, he was a communist, but he had a clear understanding of the difference between religion as an institution and spirituality). "Religion is the opiate of the masses." In other words, you don't want to have to figure out how to lead your own life, so you allow a Pastor, the Bible, and obviously your husband do you own thinking and decision making for you.

Kick your drugs, stop mentally checking out, and LIVE you life. If nothing else; think about the lessons your kids are really seeing.

Answer 10

Dear sister, it sounds like you are having a diffecult time. Let me give you little piece of advice. Religion is not a cure-all for the harder events of life and looking for some miracle cure may be a bit naive. Relationships break down all the time and this is not a sin, it is sad yes, but it is not a sin and you will have to choose what is best for you and your family. Take the time to think this over and know what you truly feel yourself. Go with your husband to a professional for marriage councelling, this may bring healing and it may bring closure. There needs to be communication between the two of you nd ensure that your children are not kept in the dark either. Maybe even if you can all, together, one evening sit in silence together and pray. Community silence creates an environment for reflection and you may even be surprised with the results. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Shalom.