Serious issues with my mom. PLEASE HELP.?

Question

My mom and I live in the same house and my sister went to flordia for no reason and left her 2 kids ( a 2yr old and a 1 month old) with my mom and me. My mom is being bitchy and yelling at me saying I need to help ( which I'm doing). She says I get nasty cuz I have a lot of issues right now such as boyfriend probs, homework, school and taking care of the kids. She is not being understanding and is yelling at me and threantining to smack me. She scares me and I have tears in my eyes as I write this. What do I do. She doesnt believe I dont have homework to do since I'm in 10th grade. I did but the teachers gave us time to do it which I did. My mom says I'm in big trouble if I get anything less then a C. Shes never been this way and grounded me for like 20 weeks. I don't know what to do.

my sister went on vacation with her lazy @ss boyfriend. I go to school just to escape this mad house

My sis will be home Wensday and my mom and I are not that close

Like I said before my sister is on VACATION she has left us everything we need for the children such as clothes, diapers, wipes, shampoo, frozen breast milk... etc... my sister is a good mother and had this planned ahead of time but the stress of only it being my mom and I is driving me crazy

Answer 1

you need to have a family meeting with your whole family and bring up all the issues on the table. have your dad be there and support you so that at least you feel better. if not, bring a friend to defend you. tell your mom that you are only 16, are human, not a super-person, that school, a bf, and helping around the house are taking a toll on you and that instead of making things better your mom makes them worse. explain to her how you feel and when but in a calm voice. my other suggestion is to go to family therapy/counceling.

Answer 2

honey first of all let me say that i completely understand how you feel and just know that she loves you. Your mom is under a lot of stress right now- and i am not saying that it makes it ok for her to mistreat you, cause its not however that is the reason she is lashing out at you. I went through something similar with my father and unfortunately we were not able to patch things up.However, what i think you should do is one night after the kids have gone to bed and preferable on a weekend so you can get your homework done, i think you should talk to her and explain to her your side of the story and how you feel with the way she is treating you. If she is fair and if you come to her like a adult then i think she should be able to understand that you are under pressure as well ( i mean you are a sophomore in high school, and you have your own issues w/ boys and friends and what not) and she should be able to tell you how she feels and maybe you can come to a compromise like you help out a little more AFTER all your school work is done and you have a chance to relax.

Answer 3

Listen to me and listen to me good. There are very few things on earth that can stress a person out more than a baby...and you and your mother have two of them in the house to deal with.

Sounds like what your mother is dealing with is stress and she is displaying signs of displacement--meaning simply that she is taking her stress and anger over being left primary caretaker over two babies that are not hers out on you. We hurt the people we love the most and I'm sure that you and your mother both have more on your plate than you can handle.

Is your sister ever coming back? If so, hang on until you sister returns and once her children are gone things should go back to normal on their own. If she isn't coming back, then you and your mother need to sit down and have a serious conversation about what to do with those children. They are family, yes, but they are not your responsibility. Let your mother know that she should not feel any guilt if she decides that foster care is a good option for the children.

Plus, just sitting down and talking to your mother about how you feel goes a long way. Pick a time when the babies are not around and your mother seems at her most relaxed. Make sure to tell her that you love her and you feel as if the bond between the two of you has become strained. Let her know that you are willing to do whatever you can to help her out but you aren't going to give up your life permanently to care for children that are not yours--and neither should she. Best of luck.:)

Answer 4

Your mom is scared to death that you will ruin your chances for a future by having children 2 soon. She is also frustrated with the added burden of taking care of 2 more children she didn't plan on. It doesn't sound like your dad is in the picture to help share the load and so unfairly she is placing some of the responsibility on you. Just concentrate on school. Forget about the boyfriends for now. There will be time for that later.

Answer 5

Take a deep breath and remember "This too shall pass!" You need (as much as it sucks) to be an adult here. Even though she is not. Say something like "I know you are stressed out right now, so am I. I've got better things to do, just like you. But we can get through this much easier if we weren't at eachother's necks right now. What is it that you need to get done? I have homework I need to do, so if you can get done what you need to get done within an hour, I'll watch the kids, but I really have to get this homework done so I don't get an incomplete on the assignment."
Ask her to work out a schedule with you while your sister is away. She'll come around when she see's someone is taking charge. It should snap her back into reality.

Answer 6

You have lots of good answers here ...read them and think about what they say and apply parts of some them into action.
Hunny your sister will be back in a few days hang in there please it will be over soon. I feel bad for you to have to deal with all this babies are a hard thing to handle at times.You have learned a very good lesson from this happening to you...don't have un protected sex or unwanted, unplanned pregnancies!!
You can pass the experience along to other teenagers at school, just how hard babies can be to handle. I hear you ..it's your Mother too!! You can pass that along to Mom's can be bitches....I am sure she has a lot on her plate right now and I hope she realizes when it's over how hard she has been on you. You deserve a big thank you for the help you have given and a pat on the back for being understanding to your mother. She needs to say sorry for her bad behavior....hmmm.
~~hang in there it is almost over~~
~Good Luck~

Answer 7

You are old enough to be able to say Mom, I need to sit down and have a talk with you. Tell her that you are aware that having these two small kids to take care of is a huge responsibililty, and that it's causing a lot of stress for both of you. Tell her you understand that she needs your help, and let her know that you want to help her;however you are feeling the stress of the situation yourself in addition to your own responsibilities with schoolwork. Offer to take care of the kids for a night while she takes a little time for herself. Have you heard of the saying...you get more bees with honey than with vinegar? Well, it means the nicer and more understanding you are, the calmer and more apt she will be to give you the much needed free time that you deserve. Taking on the responsibility of raising two children that aren't yours is not easy for either of you. You both need to be there for each other. If you help her to relax, she'll ease up on you! Parents don't always handle things like they should, they are not perfect and sometimes they need to hear that things are getting out of hand. Take a deep breath and communicate with your Mom, a big hug goes a long way, and says alot more than words sometimes.

Answer 8

It sounds like your sister had things planned real well. I just think she forgot to tell you and your mom.

You are too young to have to be saddled with these responsibilities since the children's mom is available. I think your sister should be reported for abandoning her kids. I mean, who takes off and leaves a one month old behind for someone, even relatives, to take care of them. That is totally irresponsible. I would have called child services.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but your sister needs a wake up call. It's about time she grows up and realizes that her kids should come first in her life not vacations.

It sounds to me like your mom isn't happy with being left with taking care of the kids and is taking it out on you. That isn't fair to you. You have your own life to live and if your mother can't stand up to your sister and make her take care of her own children she shouldn't be blaming you.

I wish you well. Good luck. Hugs. I'm sending up a prayer for you.

Answer 9

I hear panic in the description of your mom's actions. She has great faith in your abilities, yet she is afraid of raising another one like your sister.

Talk to a school counselor, even if just to find moral support. I don't know if your hurt feelings are clouding your judgment or if your mom is really that irrational. She has a lot on her plate. It's not your fault, but family helps one another. School is your #1 job. Be fair and honest, and if you can, gently hold her accountable. Ask for clear instructions; see if you can agree to a schedule to share chores and stick to it. Threatening to hit you isn't the same as hitting you. Hopefully it won't go that far. See if you can reach some mutual understanding. Listen to the "message," aside from the "delivery."

Answer 10

honey I'm so sorry,,i use to feel that way when i was your age,,its kind of like your sad in side all the time, i wish i could help. but u know that all these people on here are going to give u some advise that is not going to work on your mom. u just have to do what u have to do.. i think your mom knows your a good kid,,its just that look what your sis did 2 u,i would kick her @ss next time u c her,,
good luck sweetheart.
PS u are not alone,,remember that,