How long should I wait and what should I say or do?

Question

I am 22 years old now, and I have been dating a guy all through college, he recently got a job, and I am still in school (been together for almost 4yrs). I was wondering what is the perfect age to get married, and how much longer should I wait for him to pop the question? I would like to be married by the time I am 25yrs old, but my b/f wants to wait until he is established (aka. has a house, can afford a wedding, and have enough money to support us), which might take until we are both close to 30yrs old, and I have a feeling that is what he is thinking. Or could it be that he is afraid of committment, he tells me that he wants to have kids, but I told him that I would not until I am married, he understood. But he also wants to move out of his parents house and for me to move in with him. I told him that it would be nice, but I am afraid that he would not want to get married. So I have decided not to live with him until I am engaged. Someone please help and answer honestl

Answer 1

Your concerns are valid to a point. How much longer until you graduate and start working on your career. With both of you working, and keeping separate accounts, it seems as though you might be able to save up enough money in three years, if he is stable enough to get married.

Only you can judge his stability, and determine how much he is going to save towards getting the house.

I believe you are correct in waiting to move in together until you are engaged and have a nice ring, and a set date, or at least general time frame for marriage.

Moving in together is really a big step, and you'll find out a lot about each other. Mostly about how much he wants to enjoy his youth or work towards building a life.

Oh. And here's a clue. Companies tend to promote stable people who have made commitments over those who haven't.

Good luck to you, but hold out for the ring.

Answer 2

Well... why buy the cow if the milk is free?

Im not saying its the same with you guys, but 4 years is a long time... if I were u I would wait a year for an engagement... You engagement can be for 1 or 2 years if you want. I know a lot of couples who have been together for years but the they are not married because they are too comfortable. If you want to get married I would push the issue and be honest. Tell him you want to start a family in a few years...

Answer 3

My situation is almost identical to yours. Basically what it comes down to is communication and trust. You have to communicate your needs and wants, he has to communicate his (you both have to trust that each other is telling the truth) and you have to get on common ground. No, do NOT wait around forever. First of all, if you've been with this guy for four years and you are only 22, there may be a lot more out there for you to experience and do prior to getting married. Trust me, marriage is NOT the end-all be-all of existence (that would be chocolate:))

Regardless, four years is more than enough time to get to know each other. I'm not saying jump all over him to marry you right now, but at least set a time frame to get engaged. Make him get this train moving. If everyone waited until the absolute perfect time to marry, there would be no marriages. :(

Answer 4

I was never any good at accounting but there's some principle there that says you can't base retaining or dropping an investment on how much has already been invested. It sounds like he is committed to the relationship (certainly if you've been together for 4 years and he hopes to move you in with him). I would say that if he just graduated (which will require a substantial change in his life, i.e.no more classes but going to work every day) he is simply reluctant to introduce much more change right now and the request for you to move in is his concession to your hopes to marry him soon. I'd say remind him that marriage is important to you. But I think I would wait to move in with him until you are done with school.