I have been dating a girl for over 4 months now. She has a colorful past to say the least, not in a promiscuous way, but in a different lifestyle sort of way. I know the big picture of her past but don't really know the details. I am really only concerned with her past in the sense that it has made her the girl that I now know and like (quite a bit, actually!) She hasn't introduced any discussions about her past with me, but I can't help feeling like she wants to talk with me about it just b/c I think she thinks I am extremely innocent compared to her (which remains to be seen, honestly). Should I ask about her past or let her bring it up if she wants to? Am i reading too much into this? It isn't a trust thing but I want her to know her past is HER PAST and I am ok with it.
2006-09-11 11:39:38 · 18 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
let her be the one who tells you when she is comfortable. she may want to tell you already but if you pressure her it will back fire. everyone has things in their past that they don't necessarily want to share with there partner either because they are ashamed or embarrassed or they don't want to be judged or they don't want to feel so vulnerable. you like her so let her be herself for who she is now. get over the fascination you have with her past and let her be who she is now. that's the person you like. good luck.
2006-09-11 11:44:45 · answer #1 · answered by burn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Her past as you describe it as colourful. I'm a little confused when you said not in a promisicuous way. Then what why ? I have a very different past too. I lost both parents by the time I was 7, lived in several foster homes, the last being the home from hell. Physical, mental, and sexual abuse. It's something I don't often talk about, maybe her past is too painful to talk about too. I think once she really trusts you, she'll open up, but don't expect it to be all at once. Let her take baby steps when opening up. Good luck ~~
2006-09-11 11:51:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think s fare you want to know about her past because we all have that necessity to know more(that's human nature) and if you think she wants to let you know but if she still think you are an innocent person you should open up to her before and let her take the nest step on her own, just don't be trying to ask her things you know from her past let her open up little by little and be nice and just give an opinion and don't judge her if you care for her and let's not forget we all have skeletons hidden in the closet and sometimes is good to dust them every once in a while. Be open about it and be patience and let's not forget to keep in mind that you'll find out things that you might not even like or might disagree...good luck!
2006-09-11 11:47:47 · answer #3 · answered by Titus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice: don't ask her any questions or bring it up in any way. The past is the past. You love her for who she is now, and the only significance that "what came before" has in the present is that it helped make her the person you love today. Let her bring up her past if she wants to, then be ready with a friendly ear.
2006-09-11 11:42:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her bring it up. When she hints at it, encourage her to elaborate and never try to judge any of the things she may have done.
Good luck. You sound like the perfect guy for a girl with an interesting past. :)
2006-09-11 14:21:18 · answer #5 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you see yourself marrying her, Why do you have to know her past. Now, if you are in it to win it, find out once and for all and stop trying to be nonchalant about it. After all, she could have been a bank robber or a school teacher who slept with one of her 6th grade students. Well maybe you should find out more about her if she resist then why would you want to be around somebody like her?
2006-09-11 11:45:52 · answer #6 · answered by No 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should ask her to discuss with you her past.. that ,i believe ,should be an important influence on your relationship.. IF she is reluctant to talk about it then perhaps you might decide to relax the courting.. how-ever IF her past doesn't matter to you and it's all about the love then you may want to let her know that if SHE ever decides to talk to you about it then assure her that you will be there when she is ready.. but don't be to ready to except her past so readily.. it may be one that you will be ashamed of.. then you may find yourself feeling that you were betrayed ( some how ).. this i tell you from my own experience.. 17 years with one woman and i tried to help change her but to no avail.. see my question in "marriage and divorce".. the best of luck to you and her... carl heuer II
2006-09-11 11:54:48 · answer #7 · answered by carlheuerii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd stay away from her. While you may accept her past now, there is always a chance that it may come back to haunt you.
Remember it is best not to have any ghosts in your bedroom.
2006-09-11 11:43:27 · answer #8 · answered by peterwayne007 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe start talking about your past and maybe while on the subject she'll open up more about hers.
2006-09-11 11:41:20 · answer #9 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU ARE READY TO BE WITH JUST HER,AND SHE IS TO THEN YES BY ALL MEANS MAKE SURE HER PAST IS JUST THAT HER PAST THERE SURE IS-NT ANY THING WRONG WITH WANTING TO START OUT THE RIGHT WAY
2006-09-11 11:44:40 · answer #10 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋