Why does he cheat on me?

Question

i've been with my partner for 5yrs and we have 3 children together. Last year we split and he conceived a child with somebody else, but i slept with him and fell pregnant with twins, we are back together and are living together, and we are happy again i really love him but just cant find myself to trust him!

Answer 1

yeah, the part where he cheated on you, yeah, that is why. unless he becomes a really devoted christian over night, you may be worrying about it forever which means that he may be doing it forever. A man that cheats always goes by the motto "If it feels good, DO IT" unless he does something life changing, like becoming a Christian, or going to jail (in which case u don't want him anyway) or losing is physical freedom, (like not being able to walk or fall seriously ill)

If u spend more time worried about what he is doing, he is probably doing your worst fear. If you love him, make him want you instead of someone else. Change something every month, the kind of food u make and serve, the furniture, the type of movies, and music u are used to. the way u dress, and the color or style of u'r hair! It is fun, and u might find someone in the middle of all u'r changes that really wants to make u happy! if that is what u want.but it couldn't hurt.

Don't think of it as changing the way u r to look like what he is running to, Give him something different, but it is still U!

Answer 2

Hi, you must be incredible busy with so many small children. you cannot be completely happy if you are unsure of your partners faithfulness. Trust is not something that just happens, it is something we have for people who have by their actions proven themselves to be trust able.your partner has by his actions caused you pain and has had a child with someone else. you both need to get some counselling help to work out how to deal with the new situation that you have, because this other child will at some point expect his fathers attention and should have some support from his father and you have 5 children that also need a mum and dad that can work out how to get through this and you need to have a partner that you feel you can rely on. this is not an easy situation and will take time to get to a point where you can really accept your life and work out the best way to proceed. there is no easy fix in any relationship and yours has become complicated, the more time you both put into it, perhaps there is a chance to redeem your relationship,it will be hard work, but it can be saved if you both go into it with honesty and realistic expectations. talk to each other(perhaps when the children can be looked after) and work out a plan and seek professional help together. I wish you good luck and hope for all children involved that you can both come to a realistic and happy conclusion.

Answer 3

If theres no trust then what is there!! You have got to be able to love, trust and care for the person for there to be a relationship.

Why dont you talk to your partner and if this doesnt work then why not try counseling that may not help either but have you got a good trustworthy friend you can talk to, their always good to talk to.

Besides you have got to think in your own heart, do i carry on a life of suspicion or am i going to sort it out. Trust is the main cause to a relationship if theres non of that there realy isnt a relationship, i been through a similar situation and i talked to my partner it worked i even was stupid enuf to go on a chat show that made me feel horrible cause after a lie detector it was all false he hadnt done nothing.

Thats another suggestion if its going to ease your mind a lie detector but they are expensive chat shows are free lol.

Good luck xxx

Answer 4

You split and then he started seeing someone else; so in his mind he hasn't cheated you. As for you, u might be thinking if it's you he loves then why was there someone in between?

I know it's hard to trust him again but if you don't start trusting him sooner your life will be miserable. So, better talk to him about how you feel about all these and thus he might be able to show that you are the one and no reasons to fear again!

Take some times for yourself putting your feelings for him aside and think whether you want and can give the place he once had in your life!

Trust once shattered it's difficult to regain but if he also cares for you then he will help you in that!

There's a saying that goes something like that:"if your love want to go away, let him go. If it returns, then it yours. If it doesn't, then it never was"

Answer 5

Sounds like you need Dr. Phil. Sorry, j/k. If you have all those kids with the man, it's worth a real try. Tell him you are having trust issues, but tell him you love him. If you are happy now, don't throw a really important relationship in the garbage without trying to fix it. See a counselor together, and maybe it will help him understand how it hurt you for him to go off and make a baby with someone else. Keep in mind if you are nursing your babies, though that std's go through the milk. If he brings something home to you, he brings it home to the whole family.

Answer 6

Its hard. Why is hasnt he married you as yet Five years is a married life which I ll congratulate you for. So asumming you've been married for five years now, and he is still cheating on you, what would you have done.

You now have five children with him now. Its hard but keep him, try to resolve the situation btn you or separate from him from a long time. One day you may meet some one who will marry you, respect you and ya kids and live forever with you. All the bst love.
Cheer up, things will get better.

Answer 7

You weren't together when he had this child with the other woman , so technically he didn't cheat. Did you sleep with someone else at that time? Do you feel like a cheat and are trying to put the blame all on him .
If you love him , which you must do to be back with him . Then you are just going to have to get over this cheating thing . put a line under it and start off with a clean slate . If not for yourselves for your children. Children can sense tension in a home.
Good luck I hope it all works out for you

Answer 8

Get out of the relationship now before you get hurt again!!! And trust me it will happen!! As much as you love your partner i bet all you do is stress (whats he doing? who's he with?) when you not around him! I know this will be hard but trust me in the long run it will be best for you. Are you truely happy right now? Theres no real love or relationship without trust! Hope you do the right thing b4 it's too late! XX

Answer 9

Partner? That word is often used when marriage isnt. If you arent commited enough to commit with words, by law, in front of people then why do you think there would be a commitment in actions, when tempted, and nobody has to find out? There is a phrase that goes "In for a penny, in for a pound". If your "partner" isnt in for a penny why are you disappointed that he also isnt in for a pound?

You cant trust him because he has a track record. Your brain isnt connected to your heart, but that doesnt make your heart stop working. You feel hurt, and betrayed, and the level of rationalization your brain provides your heart isnt overcoming the betrayal. You can think that you should trust him, but thinking in your head that you should and actually trusting him in your heart are very different things.

I suggest a marriage counselor, or someone with equivalent counseling qualifications and a more politically correct title to not offend you and your partner. Often they are experienced in the actual mechanics of how hearts work outside of how we think or how we want them to work. They have empirical practice helping relationships, or giving you the truth about it if it is going to end.. and helping you lose the least.

Good books for "long-term partners" to read:
His needs/Her needs, how to affair proof your marriage
How to fight for your marriage

and last (and least, most trivial, but still not utterly worthless):
The five love languages

PS: dont believe that crap about "men are dogs". According to the CDC only about 30% of men are dogs, they are just very hard working dogs. Good men are out there, but you need to look for them. A dog will chase you, and that attention can feel good, but its not the same as being in a committed relationship.

Answer 10

Men often fool around with someone else no matter what they look like because of how they feel about themselves when they are with them. You can't trust him. What's it going to take for you to remove u and ur kids from this poor example of a father and partner?