The situation: planning a small, intimate wedding with family members and closest friends only (fewer than 100 people TOTAL).
The problem: the groom's 21-year-old sister wants to invite about 20 of her friends/sorority sisters/etc.
How do we deal with this? (We can't even invite all of OUR friends!) She's very used to having her way, and she's in the wedding. She's already mad at her brother for "suggesting" she can't invite all these people! Is there a nice way to handle this? Is there a "proper" way?
2006-09-11 10:39:32 · 28 answers · asked by bethiswriting 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't know any of these people... the groom knows a few, and doesn't even like them too much.
2006-09-11 10:43:59 · update #1
your fiancee needs to let her know in no uncertain terms that that is not ok. she will have all the opportunity in the world to invite whom she wants to HER wedding. not YOURS! let her know that if she persists, she will be paying for the guests she tries to invite. tell her if she can't handle it, she is more than welcome to drop out of the wedding party. i could understand her asking to invite ONE person, like a boyfriend or a best friend from childhood, but 20 people is over the top, and totally ridiculous. if he feels like he can't talk to her, give it to her in writing - it's hard to argue with a piece of paper!!
2006-09-11 19:09:23 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a brat!
You and your fiance need to tell her that due to space limitations and finances, she can bring one guest. While you would love to include all of her friends, you simply cannot. There isn't enough seating, food, drinks, etc... planned and paid for. Remind her that you can't even invite all of the people you would love to have.
If she still persists, then remind her that this is your wedding, not hers. When she gets married, she can invite whomever she wants. It's bad manners to invite multiple guests not on the list. It's rude to you, and her friends. Remind her that any guests are expected to buy a gift. Why should her friends have to buy wedding gifts for people that they don't know well, or at all.
If she doesn't fall in line, threaten to take her out of the wedding party.
I would think that it is better to get harsh now than to have a bunch of girls show up, just to have to tell them that they need to leave. In case any uninvited guests DO show the day of the wedding, have the best man and/or ushers informed that these people will need to be removed. I'm sure that they can handle it.
Enlist the parents help if needed. They spoiled her to begin with, so let them deal with the tantrums. Let your fiance tell them your side of the story, you just can't accommodate her friends. Maybe they will step in a tell her themselves that she can't have her way.
2006-09-12 00:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about the "proper" way to handle this, because she apparently didn't think about what's proper before she even suggested this.
The nicest way is to gently say, "I'm sorry, but we can't possibly invite your friends when we can't even invite our own. We also have a rule that no one is invited unless we both know them."
If she pitches a fit, let her. Pitch a fit back. Get mean if you have to and ask if she's so insecure or so badly lacks basic social skills that she can't make it through one evening without a gaggle of girls following her. But do not, no matter what you have to do, let her get away with this! Even if she refuses to come to the wedding at all, go for it.
Then you can invite someone a little more respectful toward you, your fiance, and your marriage.
2006-09-11 18:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let his sister know that she can bring a date and perhaps one or two close friends. i.e. her best friend since growing up, her closest friend. However there is no way that she should be allowed to invite 20 of her friends.
Explain to her that she gets the date and 1 or 2 other friends. Let her know that you want her to have fun at the wedding but that you can't even invite all of your friends.
When her friends show up, if they do, have your in-laws handle it.
2006-09-12 11:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ITS YOUR WEDDING!!!!!! when she has her own wedding she can invite all the people she would like. You and your soon to be need to sit down together and 1st agree what you both want. Then tell the sister how it is. The day is to celeabrate the joining of 2 people. The bride and the groom.
She can go party with her friends later that day somewhere esle or if theres room another options might be if her friends want to go they have to pay the 45 dallors a head it cost for them to eat and be there.
2006-09-11 18:25:50 · answer #5 · answered by Royal B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is a nice way and a proper way to handle this. Sit her down and explain to her that this is a small wedding and even though you are the one being married, you are unable to invite all of the people that you would like to invite. Tell her you understand that she would like to have her friends attend, however, since it is your wedding and not hers they simply can not attend. It is after all your affair and she should be considerate of that. If she still refuses, you may need to cut her out of the ceremony completely. This is one situation where she can not have her way. It's your day, not hers.
2006-09-11 17:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by ugogirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No the groom's sister cannot invite a whole bunch of friends. But she should be allow to invite at least two of her closest friends especially if she is in the wedding. Otherwise if they did not receive an invitation they would be considered wedding crashers.
2006-09-11 17:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's spoiled, then why do you have to be nice about this? Stop trying to be polite, because CLEARLY she isn't. It's not her day, it's not about her. If you two don't put your foot down (and keep it down) she'll get her way, yet again.
Think about it. You tell her no, she gets mad-she may even pull out of the wedding. You guys STILL get married without her, her friends, and her getting her way.
That's her brother. She'll get over it. Just let him handle it. At this point, you will be painted as the evil sister in law and will be in a tussle with her for years. Let him let her know she will not get her way, and enjoy your day. Send her to me if you have any more problems. Congrats & Good Luck!
2006-09-11 17:52:46 · answer #8 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to nip this before it turns into anything worse than it already is. If you give in to her on this than she is going to think you should give in to her for EVERYTHING else in life. You need to politely sit down and explain to her that it is YOUR wedding and that you're honored to have her be a part of it but that she can't just invite HER friends to YOUR wedding, that's so inappropriate. Maybe you could just ask her to join you for lunch some day and break it to her very politely, no need to be mean about it just get your point across. Trust me, I just got married and didn't nip some issues with my new sister-in-law who is older than me and now 3 months later it is biting me in the ***.
Congrats on the wedding and good luck!
2006-09-12 12:09:51 · answer #9 · answered by jessicamarie0572 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Print out this question and have your fiance show it to her. HE needs to explain to her that there isn't enough room or money to invite all of your friends, let alone, hers. It is beyond rude for her to try and invite people to your wedding. She is just going to have to be mad, because she can't invite people to a wedding that isn't hers. Perhaps your in-laws can intervene since they raised the spoiled brat.
2006-09-12 01:56:00 · answer #10 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋