Since there are so many kids in the foster care system that are between the ages 3-17 that need loving families and homes, do you think it's selfish for people to set their eyes on babies only and ignore the other children?
I ask because I see alot of people on here that cannot conceive, but want babies.
Ever hear the expression, beggars can't be choosers and does that apply in this situation?
2006-09-11 09:59:21 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I've wondered that before myself. You're right, there are many children in foster care. It's almost as if they want the babies to adopt that way they can mold the child into what they want him/her to be. The reason it seems kind of selfish is that the soon to be adoptive parents care more about themselves and the well being of the 'new' child, rather then have to deal with a little extra baggage that a foster child might bring. Therfore, I think it is selfish of some adoptive parents to be so picky about their own satisfaction of having a "new" baby, rather then trying to help out a child who's going through a very hard time.
2006-09-11 10:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, beggars can't be choosers does not apply to this situation. I do think it's sad that there are so many older children in need of a home. But people feel a certain need to raise a baby from birth. Plus so many of the older children in the system have so many problems, and I know it's not the children's fault, but most people aren't equipped to deal with some of those problems. I knew a very well-meaning couple who adopted older children. The older children were always trying to have sex with each other (yes they were brother and sister, and yes they had been molested) and the girl would try to rub up on the adoptive father and the boy would try to get the adoptive mother to sleep with him. They were only 9 and 10. The family finally had to return them to the system, it was a bad situation for everyone involved, especially the kids. I think that's why so many people would rather have a new baby. I don't think they are greedy, maybe desperate.
2006-09-11 10:09:39 · answer #2 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it's not greed. I know this for a fact because i've been through it. We have an adopted older child (was 7 at the time). When you first apply to adopt they make it very clear that babies are hard to come by, often with younger couples given preference. The social workers also spend a lot (months) working with you to find out what kind of child will mesh well with your family. They spent a great deal of time explaining how older children come with many different issues such as attatchment , fear, discipline problems, mental problems, physical problems, etc. And quite often the older children have learning disabilities and this is why at and older age they are still floating around the system. It is not a selfish choice these people are making, if they feel they do not have the love in their heart or the patience to have one of these children (cause let me tell you it is no picnic when it goes to hell) then it is a good thing that all involved parties know that up front. But in short, yes i know what you are saying.
2006-09-11 10:01:39 · answer #3 · answered by Skanky McSkankypants 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would say this...
I currently take care of my niece and nephew through the foster care system. Their goal is reunification with the "real" family. So, if a parent wants a child permanently... foster care isn't the way to go b/c more than likely the child will be returned to the biological family.
Also, a lot of the children in foster care have emotional issues that a prospective parent just isn't prepared to deal with. It is more complicated with foster kids because they obviously have experienced bad things in their lives.
Additionally, there are lots of babies in the foster care system with no home. So, there is a need for that as well.
2006-09-11 10:02:31 · answer #4 · answered by tonip1963 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone wants to go through the foster care system.
Some people really want a BABY of their own. When your arms ache to hold your own baby, it's not a rational thing. It's deep down in your gut, and it won't be reasoned with.
Maybe it is "selfish" to a degree, but I think ANYONE who opens their heart and home to adopt a child of any age is doing a wonderful thing. I also think it is better for people to be realistic in what they can handle. If they know they could not handle an older child with social and developmental problems, then it isn't a good idea for them to adopt one, only to have problems and possibly make the situation worse.
2006-09-11 10:11:48 · answer #5 · answered by Kathryn A 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think they are greedy, I think they are, in a sense, saviours. With all these people who are having sex without considering the consequences, it's nice to see that someone is willing to accept the responsibility. I do however, agree with the fact that people should be open to adopting older children as well as babies. All kids need to be loved, no matter what their age.
2006-09-11 11:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by dolphins_chic_69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, there is so much love in the act of adopting a child. And couples not only search for babies. There are hundreds ready to give an older child a home and the love of a family. I met people like this.
The only thing I see as absolutely wrong is abortion. Abortion is an act of violence that KILLS a baby. Isn't it crazy that people who kill their babies live in the same world that people who want to adopt a child no matter if they can have their own????
www.abortionno.com
2006-09-11 10:11:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am one of the people who cannot have children, and I would love to adopt. I however would prefer a child aged 3 or 4, and as weird as it sounds.......... i'd want to take care of a victim of abuse. NOT because I want a child to BE abused, but because I am a victim myself and know the special love, care, and attention that these children need after being in a hurtful situation.
I do however understand the people who want infants, I guess it would make them feel they have "raised" the child from the start.
To me, the gift of a child is a gift PERIOD. No matter what age he/she is!
Oh, and off subject.......... yes I reported the UFO guy!
2006-09-12 08:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by Lori B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice if more people wanted older kids as much as they want a baby, but maybe the feel an older child would come with more emotional baggage. Or maybe the are worried that older kids already know their parents so would be less likely to think of them as parents.
2006-09-11 10:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by jumpingjellybean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you can say that its some-what greedy. But the couples that aren't able to conviece want to see "their" child grow up from a baby. Besides most foster kids aren't very nice and most are rowdy because they don't have the loving care that they need. They need to stick up for themselves.
2006-09-11 10:02:39 · answer #10 · answered by sellatieeat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋