help bad break up need advice?

Question

okay this is a long one. my ex of 6 years has always been fiery but gradually he controlled me and wouldnt let me go out with my pals etc i do love him still but cannot forgive him for how much hes destroyed me and the person i was. our son is 3 and i am staying out of the house just now. im finding it hard to keep strong as i am really scared of him dont know why. i just want to be on my own with my son and pick up the peices of my life. this is sooo difficult and i just want to be stronger. words of advice or anecdotes would help. i just want to be happy again. thanx

thank you so far guys keep them coming thank **** i found this website

Answer 1

even though its hard you are doing the right thing for all three of you one of the things that makes a break up hard after a long relationship is routine i know it sounds silly and maybe insensitive but we find amazing comfort in knowing whats going to happen each day you ex must have extreme insecurity problems which often manifest in violence name calling constant interrogation on where you have been and who with this environment is damaging for all concerned especially your child your ex will try and tell you he has changed and try to win you back with empty promises he obviously needs help but you must keep contact with him to a bare minimum and try not to give him any reason to think he has any Chance of getting you back try to keep busy surround yourself with close friends and try not to dominate your conversations with your ex you've made a brave step now step by step build a new and happier life for you and your child and leave men on the back burner for now but please please stay strong it does get easier Ive been there so i know from personal experience ,wishing you both happiness for the future

Answer 2

My Ex wife had this same problem with her ex boyfriend. Ok you need to think of your child and whats best for your son. this will have a detrimental effect on him. Ok your the only person that can decide to leave, the hardest decision you have to make for yourself, however this is a plus point in starting a new life.
Yes you are bound to be scared as he as controlled you for so long, your self esteem is damaged, but this will improve with getting away. You never mentioned if he was violent, But if he his then this wont be good on your son even if he does not see it, he will definately hear it and he will start to feel intimatedated by his father. plus you can get a restraint order to protect yourself and your son. If you have really good friends ask if you can stay with them for a while, while you sort yourself out, or go stay with your parents. Like i said hardest thing is leaving but once done you will feel guilty for doing what you have done, but you should'nt, but this is a reaction from been bullied over the last 6 years. The easiest thing is to contact him and talk, this is where you will need all your will power not to make any contact why so ever. My ex went back to her ex B/friend about 3 times before she realised that she cannot live that sort of life, She as started to make a clean break, and was on medication for a short while, but this is an aid in the recover process. Hope this helps. hope its not to doom and gloom, its reality but one thing to remember even though you may not think it might not exist is "THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL" and the other thing to remember is "DONT LET THE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN"

Answer 3

I really think you've done the hardest thing already by moving away from this man. He'll have whittled your confidence down to zero so wonder it's tough at the mo. But trust me, I've been at zero but now just a couple of years on I'm back to full strength and totally in love with the most amazing kind and gentle man. It's true what they say about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..You will be happy again and your son will always love more than anyone else in the world. You need distance and closure from this part of your life, it worked for me, and may the next chapter be full of fun times and happiness. Best wishes..x

Answer 4

Be strong,, why not take a vacation?,, it seems that the love you and your ex had was becoming possession. And love is all about freedom. I suggest you do something major in your life go away for a while and come back, see if things change.. The most important thing is you gain back your identity. You will be happier and your son will also see that too.. It seems that your ex turned into a control freak.. and became possesive this is never a foundation for a lasting, loving relationship.. Find yourself again.. and ignite your own love for yourself.. Good Luck ; )

Answer 5

You will start to remember all the things that happened when it was good between you. DON'T. You need to remember how he controls you, and how your son will be affected by this. You don't want your son growing up thinking its normal to treat a woman like this. It's not. You deserve to make a good life for you and your son and be able to make your own decisions. BE STRONG you deserve it
good luck

Answer 6

Take a look at your son & think that this is may be the way he would of turned out as watching his dad. So you have done the right thing. Chin up & start doing different things start by putting things ahead of you so you have some thing to look forward to. And no need to be scared your free now!

Answer 7

does he have history of hitting you? he seems controlling, and that's how abusers start of. he will isolate you from your family and friends. abusers' actions just escalates in time. they're never remorseful and always blame the victims for their outburst. or they will say they're sorry and would never do it again, but hurt you again anyway. unless he's willing to get counseling, you and your son should stay away. get a restriction order against him, so you have some sort of protection. call a domestic violence hotline, and find out more about your resources.

Answer 8

its not very nice (understatement of the year) when this happens. dont know y but i,ve seen this happen so many times to good friends of mine. usually because the girl is really beautiful then the guy get jealous of her going out & then gets paranoid about her cheating/seeing her mates. sorry to hear about this but u sound better off without him. i know things must look pretty bad @ the moment but trust me it does get better. u are a strong person otherwise u would still be taking the abuse, ur an independent female & show him that next time u look him straight in the eye & tell him that ur better off without him!

Answer 9

write an extensive list of ALL the BAD things he has ever said or done to you and your son and how that particular thing made you feel at the time.

then whenever you think you want him back or want to talk or anything similar then read the list.

keep reading the list you make.
this it really helped me get over my ex.

Answer 10

Keep foremost in your mind the life you left and the reasons, this will help you make good decisions for you and your son. get counciling if necessary or go to a women's shelter if you fear for your life. believe in yourself because I think you did the right thing . good luck