I met a girl 6 years ago in my hometown. We really hit it off and became intamate for a few weeks. She then moved to Fresno to go to college, and quickly got a boyfriend. In the last six years she would usually come to my town to visit family at least 4 or 5 times a year. During these visits we would usually hang out, sometimes intamate, sometimes not. We constantly talk on the phone and text each other. She has told me that she loves her boyfriend as well as me. I feel like I also love her. Sometimes I feel like a loser because I can't stop thinking about her and she has a boyfriend. She recently finished school and is moving back to my town in a few months. She and her boyfriend are also calling it quits. What I want to know is, how can I trust her if she cheated on her boyfriend that whole time (supposedly just with me)? I don't wan't to put myself in the same position, what should I do?
2006-09-11 09:06:42 · 49 answers · asked by Smirx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One thing I (convieniently) left out is the fact that a few years ago I also cheated on my ex-girlfriend with her. She hasn't been with the same guy the past 6 years, she had one boyfriend for 2 yrs, the other for 4. I remember one time I got fed up with the situation and said some hurtful things about her cheating. At first she was pissed, then we had a long talk about it and she told me if I lived in Fresno (4 hours away) she would never have dated them. I've only cheated on a girl once in my life and it was with her and I don't feel like I would ever do it again. So, I guess in a way I relate to her. I was excited she's moving back, but I guess if I'm already on a website asking strangers opinions...... It's just a very tricky situation.
2006-09-11 11:50:28 · update #1
I think that it is possible to have feelings for 2 people, but I also think that being intamate with 2 people is a different story. If you guys do decide to be together this will constantly be on your mind. You will always wonder. Maybe you should try to talk to her about it. Don't make her feel bad for what she did just let her know that she is special to you and that you would like this to work but you need to know that you can trust her entirely. 6 Years is a long time to have just a casual fling. I do believe she has feelings for you but is that enough to give you peace of mind? Just ask, it maybe easier than expected.
2006-09-11 09:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know the answer to this question. It's pretty obvious she can't be trusted honey. You know this first hand. I'm thinking you were just hoping someone might have some words of encouragement that would tell you otherwise. That's fine if it's what you want to hear, just be careful with that though. Especially when, deep down, you already know it's not what you NEED to hear. She's gonna cheat. Maybe not right away, maybe not within the first six months, heck, maybe not within that first year. But given a moment when she has that type of connection with someone else that she does with you and it's going to happen. Only by then, you'll be completely in love and twice as hurt. You are right to guard your heart and be leery of this situation. Use your head honey, you know what to do.
2006-09-11 09:12:59 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK this is not a good thing but I will try and help you out. From my personal experience with a past relationship of mine if they cheat on someone with you they will do it to you as well. You see it is ok to love people but you can not be totally loyal to two men or women at the same time. So her telling the both of you she loves you is only a lie.
She sounds like she is totally unsure of herself and has no idea what she wants in life, as far as a relationship goes. Even with this girl I know right now even though she can not be with me because I have someone she does not date and only wishes to be with me that is love and that is someone who would never cheat on you.
I wish you well and hope you will not feel any of the pain I have felt, watch yourself and take care.
2006-09-11 09:18:02 · answer #3 · answered by dragonball_z_anime1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a guarantee that she will. Enjoy her now as you did when she visited but never trust her in a marriage.
That is like those guys who cheat on their first wives with another woman and then marry the other woman. When the second wife finds that her new husband has gone on to someone else they always appear surprised. It is the same situation.
2006-09-11 09:14:01 · answer #4 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless if their male or female, a person that cheats with you, will cheat on you. Remember, they were cheating when you got together last, so what makes you so special that she wouldn't cheat on you. Same goes for a man. If you meet some guy thats in a relationship and is willing to cheat on his girl to be with you, then whats to say they won't cheat on you to be with some other girl. Its a never ending cycle. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
2006-09-11 09:10:59 · answer #5 · answered by Sandi A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO, once a cheater is not always a cheater. Life and relationships are FAR from black and white, which is what the 'once a cheater' saying stands for. Only you know deep down how you feel and you need to listen to your gut. Do you think you can trust her or not? Listen to your instincts about this person and this person only. Sure, she may cheat, and then again, you may be the one!
2006-09-11 09:13:56 · answer #6 · answered by btdt65 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you can trust her. Reason being...she knew you first then him. She was folllowing her career path which was necessary and probably starting off using him as a replacement for your company. I am betting if you had gone to her school you would have been the boyfriend and she wouldn't have had another.
Sometime life's circumstances present bizarre situations. It is best to go with your intuition. Think about life without her and ask yourself is that a better option.
2006-09-11 09:11:37 · answer #7 · answered by Shebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look i was in a similar situation. Its' ur call, if u love her then u must trust her. But she is a FEMALE, they lie(yes so do men) and she will tell u what she knows u want to hear. Not much help, Iknow but lets just say I took her word & later caught her with some one else. It still hurts, but I did what I tought was right. Good luck.
2006-09-11 09:16:46 · answer #8 · answered by a7xrios 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
but you are in the same boat as she . You knew she had a boyfriend but still slept with her. So if you want an exclusive relationship with her , you tell her . But don't be surprised if she cheats on you too . Same as if you go out and cheat on her. You both are in the same situation. So you cant trust her ,and she cant trust you , you cant have it all and play innocent.
2006-09-11 09:16:16 · answer #9 · answered by dramaqueen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are who she wants and who she loves than no she's not going to cheat on you. She said that she loved her boyfriend but that isn't really true. If she really felt the way she said she wouldn't have needed you.
The thing about cheating is it can happen anytime, anywhere to anyone so just because she cheated with you doesn't mean she will cheat on you...further if you met someone who never cheated on anyone doesn't necessarily mean that they won't cheat. It boils down to trusting someone and if you really do love her than you have to have faith in her. If she wants to be with you tell her your expectations of her in the relationship.
2006-09-11 09:14:35 · answer #10 · answered by Smithy14 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋