Is "Don't be a tattletale" confusing children?

Question

When I was a guest parent at one of my son's kindergarten classes one of the kids told the teacher, "So and So said a bad word." The teacher responded with, "Don't be a tattletale." Later I heard her say, "Keep your mind on yourself" to another child. I talked to my wife and she said it is getting to be common. She says it helps keep order in the classroom.
My thing is are kids not going to tell when something really dangerous happens, like a kid is standing on top of a play structure. Or if kids are making fun of another kid. How are kids going to know when to tell and when not to tell?

Answer 1

I totally agree with you. However, it is up to teachers and parents to make sure that children understand the difference between tattletaling vs. a serious problem.

Answer 2

I agree with you 100%. My oldest daughter is 6. I don't think that there is such thing as a tattletale. If a child is telling you something, it must mean something important to them. Instead of saying don't be a tattletale. I would take it as a teaching opportunity, and say "well you know that is a bad word, so please don't repeat what he/she said". I would then go and talk to the other child. This might take a little longer, but a child is going to be more apt to come and talk to you when something more serious happens. You want the communication between a parent and a child to be like gold. It is the most precious insight that you have into their life. In order to keep good communication, you need to start molding it from day 1.

Answer 3

The problem is that many kids don't know how to tell the difference between being a tattletale and when to tell an adult because the activity is dangerous. Also how many kids have gone to the teacher because someone is teasing them or picking on them only to be told this. Then they think that this type of behavior is OK or worse still that their feeling don't matter. I agree with you that this only confuses children. The problem is that the teachers and parents are busy and either don't have or don't want to take the time with the kids to listen.

Answer 4

As a teacher I am a no tattler. But I teach the children that if someone is hurt or crying than I need to know. I used to designated a child in the class to be my tattle keeper. The children would go tell this child what happened and then together they would decide if it was a tattle or if I needed to know.
As a teacher it can be so overwhelming and consume a large part of the day if you have to stop, hear, and solve ever dispute or little thing that happens between the children. The basic idea of the no tattle thing is to teach the children how to deal with the problems on their own, problem solving and socialization skills. It is not meant to ignore the children or not deal with a problem, it is used as a learning experience. Often times you get chronic tattlers and the more you listen to tattles, the more you will hear.

Answer 5

Rules are so important to kids. They learn them at home and in other important settings in their lives, and finally, in the classroom when they enter school. Kids are pretty literal and tend to generalize rules across all situations, even when they don't really apply there. Best thing is to be explicit - use plain language and be direct; don't assume understanding, confirm it by asking them questions about what you've just said. Provide some concrete examples of when and when not to tell (you can't think of every possibility, but think of some that your child's likely to encounter, particularly those involving danger to self or others). It often helps if you explain why the behavior you're talking about is important and why you're asking that they behave a certain way (link their actions with an outcome). An example might be, "(so and so) is free to play or do activities in the way that s/he wants to, but when it hurts him/her or others or might be dangerous, then that's a problem and I want you to let me or another adult you trust know about it so that we can help. " When the child follows through, be sure to commend him or her for following instructions so well. Make it okay for him or her to consult you when not sure - the decision-making around these things is hard for grown ups, let alone little ones, which is why they need adult assistance and shouldn't be penalized for asking for it. Hope this is helpful.

Answer 6

What I tell my own children and preschool children is: "If someone is bleeding or being hurt, tell a teacher. Otherwise, use your words and tell the other person what you don't like." We teach them to take care of what issues they can, and only to tell someone when another person is hurt. This way, they can learn to make the differentiation between "good" telling and something they really don't need to tell. I can understand when a teacher wouldn't want to hear 30 children tattling... that could be really annoying- but yes, I understand your concern that children could get the message that what they have to say isn't going to be taken seriously by the teacher. The teacher needs to be more specific in their descriptions when telling the children what they should/should not say.

Answer 7

especially in the lower grades, kids are just learning the rules and are so proud that they know them. also they want to look good in teacher's eyes, so they'll start tattling on their friends. they'll tell on the littlest things, and it can get out of hand if the teacher doesn't let them know when and what to tell on.
i remember when i taught k4, the kids would come to me and tattle that someone said bad words, and i would ask, was it actually a swear word? or just a not nice word? like one was more serious than the other, and i had to know how to deal with the situation. you may have just been witnessing the teacher who knew the child well, and knew what they were going to say. so many times, a teacher has to deal with the kids telling on everything. i always taught that there was a time to tell on someone, like if they or someone else was hurt, or if someone was doing something that would hurt themselves or the other person.
we also had special lessons on what to do if someone is making you feel uncomfortable.

Answer 8

I know I'm just reiterating everyone else here but they're right, it is up to you as the parent to teach your child the difference between being a "tattletale" and going to someone for help because someone is hurt or in danger of getting hurt. Trust your instincts, you'll realize you already knew the answer.

Answer 9

Kids are actually being taught to solve their own problems without resorting to tattling. But they are also being taught the right times to tell. I know in my daughter's school they are told it's okay to tell a teacher if someone is going to get hurt, or if someone is hurting you. I know right now a little girl is pushing my daughter around. The teacher wants my daughter to tell the girl to stop, and if she doesn't stop then she wants my daughter to tell. But she'd rather see if it can be resolved between the two girls. I think it's good in someway, but if a teacher does see someone doing something wrong then she should step in right away, even if it's an issue that could be settled between kids. They still need to know that the teacher will correct any wrong behavior.

Answer 10

Hello, I have four young children of my own, and I have found that simply saying "Don't be a tattletale" can confuse them. As adults we need to take the time to listen to our children before responding to them. Explain that some things do not need to be tattled on.But it is important to keep the communication lines open. Listen to them, then respond appropriately. Let them know you care and value their opininions even if you may not alway's agree with them.

Answer 11

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