2006-09-11 07:49:30 · 28 answers · asked by Karen B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I sense you are suffering from a heavy load of guilt. I certainly hope that this is something that you discussed before you were married. Apparently something has changed, assuming you did discuss it.
If you both aren't realistically looking forward to having a baby and taking care of it, then you are not only dooming the poor kid to lousy parental concern, but perhaps you are also tolling the death knell of your marriage. It is a very brave thing for one to recognize that he or she is just not parental material: having children takes dedication and unselfish giving for LOTS of years, probably 18+. It's not for everyone and people who have children so they can take care of them in their old age are just being selfish.
I have watched dozens of 14 year old girls carry babies only to find the baby's father takes a powder because he cannot handle the changes required. Babies change your life: if you still want to go out and experience things on your own, know that babies tie you down. Also know that they are expensive. In addition, perhaps having a baby looks more pleasant to a man because he can go to work and get away from child rearing, if only for 8 hours. He doesn't have to carry it either. personally, I am not too wild about mothers who send their kids off to day care either, just so they can have a career. Gee, I wonder how kids get on the wrong track without parents around?
Discuss your issues about having babies with your husband and talk them out. If he tries to bully you or tell you about "your duty" to have them, see a counselor, even by yourself. Never allow someone, or even your family, to dictate what you will do. It's a decision which lasts a lifetime. It's also your a joint decision: you both have to agree.
It sounds like you don't want kids, so before you do anything, take a look on the news at all the neglected kids. Kids deserve two parents, a mother and father, who are dedicated to taking care of him or her. Anything less is just wrong.
2006-09-11 08:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by Bentley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No absolutely not! It is a 24/7 rest of your life commitment. It is the creation of an entire human being and future member of society...you don't do that for anybody but them, the person yet to be..not for you, your husband, your mother, your therapist NOBODY and for no reason other than you have a strong desire to nurture and influence the future of the world because that is what you will be doing. Its one of those things that even if you believe you want it with every cell in your body you will still end up wondering why on earth you did once you have it. Its wayyyyy too hard a job to do it for your husband. Besides you are the one that will do most of the work, it always turns out that way and you don't have the option of just sitting it in the corner and saying you wanted it now you take care of it. You go to jail for doing that to a child. Didn't you discuss this before you got married? This is a pretty major incompatibility. I would also make sure, before even serious discussing it, that it is a want that your husband keeps for a long time...not just some passing whim....you know some guy at work got a bunch of attention cause his wife just had a baby and that's what he really wanted. Get a puppy and see if he has the patience and dedication and commitment required to be a good pet owner before you consider kids.
2006-09-11 14:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dave - you need to catch up with the rest of the century
I_Know_Everything - you need to get in touch with reality
Do not have a baby until you both want a baby, and are emotionally, physically, and financially ready to do so. It is a decision there is no turning back from. I am studying to be a early childhood provider and I have seen the results of parents having a baby before they are ready to. It presents major problems for the child and for the parents, not least of which if (often) the emotional loss of one parent or the other.
Here's the important part:
He will not love you more if you have his child.
If he loves you now, he will not love you less for wanting to wait.
Hope this helps.
2006-09-11 15:28:06 · answer #3 · answered by tweedle_d_clown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A baby is a life long commitment not a fix for a situation! Have a baby only if you and your husband both want one!
2006-09-11 14:54:33 · answer #4 · answered by stall_out 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Both of you must want the baby for it to work. Sorry. Once you have it, you'll have it for the rest of your life whether you have hubby or not, so don't do it. You knew that. You probably love your husband, but if you know you aren't ready, then don't even think about it. Smart girl. Good luck.
2006-09-11 14:54:05 · answer #5 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have a child when it's right for the both of you. I mean how do you feel about having a baby right now, do you want it as well? When you really think about it, you're the one who has to carry it around for nine months and deal. However, if you are ok with all of it then you should do it to it.
2006-09-11 14:53:03 · answer #6 · answered by mnkypwr06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No .. you should have a baby when you are both stable .. especially emotionally. It shouldn't be about the fact that you want to please your child and something that you both want.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-11 14:53:51 · answer #7 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NO you should NEVER do something like that ... something that is going to change your life, your husbands life, and the BABYs life without wanting it...
2006-09-11 14:55:52 · answer #8 · answered by Jill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babies are for the whole life. Husbands are not.
2006-09-11 14:56:00 · answer #9 · answered by oldmarketeer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should have a baby to please both of you. If you can't do that now, then no, you shouldn't have a baby. He should be willing to wait until you want one as well.
2006-09-11 14:53:51 · answer #10 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋