My dog just die and I feel no compassion from my BF at all. Am I thinking too much?

Question

My 11 yrs old golden passed last night at home in my lap, before I could do anything. My exs (2 of them) who are still very good friends of mine and knew her, called and really felt sad for me and listened to me crying. I called my BF of 2 mths asked if he can come or I can go over since I really need some shoulder to cry on. He said he is busy until late tonight..however he said a few thing like, she was old, better for her to not be in pain, etc..they 're truth but no sympathy or even said that he is sorry for me at all. He even asked if I ever lost pet before. Our conversation were so dead air..Is he just cold or am I too sad to think straight? Would you cancel your plan(weekend plan) to be with your GF/BF in this kind of situation?

Answer 1

I would talk to him about how I felt rather than going to an online message board to whine and complain. If he's your boyfriend you should be able to disucss this thing with him.

Answer 2

A few things are occuring to me: One is that when guys get upset, a lot of times they want to be alone with their pain for awhile. So he may be treating you as he would like to be treated in the same situation: to be left alone for a few days. He doesn't realise girls are different, we want someone there to vent to.

I would try not to take it personally, but let him know you need him there to just talk to about it (if you want to)

I also think what others have said about some people see pets as a member of the family and others see them as 'just an animal' is true. He may just not get it.

And lastly, it is true that this is a very new relationship, only 2 months. It might be too early for him to be that deeply involved.

Or, he may be a guy who is really not comfortable with emotions. He may not know what to do. He may not have comforted someone before.

But I feel your pain. It sucks to lose a pet. And as a woman, I would want my bf to be there for me too, even if I had only been with him 2 months. Your BF isn't getting any points on this one.

Answer 3

i am sooooo sorry. the loss of a pet is a horrrible thing ... i lost my cat of 17 years a few years ago and i cried for days. i have an 8 year old chocolate lab and i can't imagine when she's gone .. i will be a wreck.

i'm sorry that your boyfriend is being insensitive and lacks compassion. he is not being in tune to your needs and right now ...you're hurting and your hurting and your pain is real.

if he can't support you in this loss .. perhaps you need to re-think your relationship. i know you can't stand two losses right now but if he is not there for you at THE most important times ... what's the point? that's what a relationship is about.

you need time to grieve. you need time to cry. it's a very painful thing.

here is my favorite poem for you:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Answer 4

Dump the bastard. He is obviously NOT a true animal lover and, worse yet, can't empathize with you. He doesn't "feel" your pain. You don't have to be an animal lover to be able to feel empathy.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to feel the pain of losing a beloved pet. God knows, over the years, I've lost enough of them.

I knew who my "true" friends where when my beloved Ruby died in 2004. My "true" friends, whether animal lovers or not, listened respectfully While they might not be able to feel my pain or understand the depth of my feelings, they knew me and cared about my feelings enough to listen and try to say kind things.

Now, maybe this guy thinks "she's old" and "better for her not to be in pain" is a "kind" thing to say but he obviously has no concept.

My Mom's the same way. When Ruby was diagnosed being a diabetic, Mom was all for putting her down. "We didn't put Dad down when turned diabetic!" I argued. "It's not the same," she said. But to me, it was. Family is family. Love is love.

Even if he wasn't so cold, I'd cancel my weekend plans because I was a wreck for weeks after Ruby died. She's been gone 2 years and I still occasionally cry over her memory. Of all my pets, she's the one that I loved best and who best suited my personality.

I think it's normal for you to feel grief and pain right now. If you indulge in your boyfriend's desire to follow through with your weekend plans, whatever they may be, dinner out or a trip to Bora-Bora, you won't have fun and he won't understand. He may accuse you of "ruining" the weekend for him.

I certainly wouldn't want to spend time around someone that cold and non-sympathetic when I was grieving.

Answer 5

i'm no longer a feminist, so i myself won't have the ability to assert yet i be attentive to a pair expert Dommes and that they, i'm constructive, do no longer think of guys lack compassion. the place do you come back up with such an theory? while you're relating soccer-loving, beer ingesting, farting, burping men, then it could look that way yet in different situations they may be very accommodating. you merely would desire to coach a submissive guy to respond whilst given clues. If a guy has no clue, then, sure, it would look that he has no compassion yet i think of it relatively is barely in extreme situations. after all, compassion is a human emotion.

Answer 6

First off I feel your devastation and pain. Your dog is your best friend, sometimes it is harder then a human a pets death. I am terribly sorry.
As for the Boy Friend, this shows his true colors and we all see he has NO compassion. A man who doesn't show compassion towards a pet has no compassion, this is a very wise theory of many years. Forget about him, He just is not that into you! He sound like a guy who is self absorbed.

Answer 7

I AM soooo sorry to hear of your loss.I have recently lost my 16 year old dog.They are family.Your bf doesnt sound too compassionate.Spend time with those that understand.Dont waste your time on those that are not emotionally there for you.Actions speak louder than words.You can tell a persons real charactor in times like these.tc.

Answer 8

I don't think that I would know what to say either if I was in the same situation. However, If my girlfriend was really upset, I would try to be with her if at all possible. I'm not sure if it was something work related that I could do that though. Casual plans, would break em.

Answer 9

I wouldn't change my plans. Why stay home and weep all weekend? I would go and try to enjoy yourself. Some men are so insensitive and they never know what to say. I wouldn't hold it against him some people just don't know what it is like to lose a pet. Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

I'm sorry but I am NOT a pet lover and I am not going to say he should have dropped everything to accomodate you dealing with your dogs death. Some / most folk will say the fact that you we're upset is enough reason for him to have come to you...I say NOT. The relationship is still soo new AND he doesn't sound like a pet lover either so most likely he ....like me....just doesnt get it. Sorry.