What should I do? She is 5yrs younger , married 10 years, got married at 18, lives in France, comes home 2-3 year. Will not conisder Easter, Christmas or having it ealier than mine when she is home next summer.
2006-09-11 06:41:14 · 37 answers · asked by naomi l1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You are right, she is wrong.
Any event that is taking place because of YOUR wedding, is not the place for HER baby's important events. She was rude to even think it, let alone ask. She is also being (I think) very immature about the whole thing, not to mention how inconsiderate it is to ask you to share the focus of what should be a day about you and your happiness.
Ask her how she would feel if the situation was reversed. She may not be honest to you about it, but she might just admit it to herself how upset she would be.
Remind her that a wedding brunch for you wouldn't include all of your family, and probably not any of the baby's father's family.
Your friends that will be there, and any friends and family from your fiance's side don't know her (or don't know her very well). They (going to be blunt here) couldn't care less that she had a baby.
At a baptism, it's normal for guests to buy a gift for the baby. Why should people who don't know her have to spend the money on a gift for her baby?
If she wants the baby baptized where you live, instead of where she lives, then it is up to her to plan the event. She should be paying for food, invitations, and other expenses for a get together. At your wedding brunch, it's coming out of your pocket. You should not be expected to pay for her decision.
She made the choice to get married young, move to France, and live there with her husband. She should not expect people to do things just to suit her. She made the decisions of her own free will, why should you be punished for them by giving up or paying for something just to make her happy?
She should also be having her baby baptized at her normal church. If she is religious enough to want it done, then she should have a church in France. Some churches will require a seperate baptisim through them if it was done elsewhere.
She is excluding not only her husband's family, but also any friends and co-workers that live in France. They aren't going to be there for your wedding brunch, so they would be left out of a very important day in her life (not to mention the baby's and the father's).
She would not have the same people at the baptism that you will have at your brunch, one of you would have to exclude people to make room for everyone that is important. There are three families that need to be at these events, and four different sets of friends. That's either a lot of people to attend, or a lot of people left out.
You should talk to your parents about it. Let them explain to her that it would be rude and inappropriate to have both events on the same day. They need to be on seperate days, at least a day apart. Tell them all the reasons you don't want her to butt in on your wedding brunch, and ask them how they feel about her request. My bet is that they would agree with you. It's not right to combine two very special, and very different, events.
2006-09-11 08:53:45 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, this is your day and you shouldn't have to share it. If she truly can't understand your point of view, ask her how she would feel if she had planned this wonderful day for the baby's baptism, a beautiful service, a party, a meal, etc, then after the baptism you say, oh by the way since we're all here, I want to get married, and we'll just use the baby's cake as our wedding cake, and everyone can take pictures with me instead of the baby and instead of everyone giving the baby a gift they can just give me a gift. Ask her what she would think of you if you asked her to share her baby's special day. I would imagine she wouldn't be too happy. Plus, it's just weird and I've been to some strange weddings and wedding activities like brunches, but never one where they included a baby baptism. No, your sister needs to get over it, especially since she will be back in the country on another occasion and could easily plan a service for another time. That's what I did, my family is all spread out and they all came to visit the Christmas after my daughter was born and we had her dedication the Sunday after Christmas. Your sister is being selfish, you just keep standing up for yourself and your special day. Good luck and have a wonderful wedding.
2006-09-11 08:39:15 · answer #2 · answered by disneychick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with just about everyone here. It is YOUR big day, not hers or her baby's. She knew you were gonna get married and she knew in advance the day of your wedding brunch, why can't she plan around that? I think she is being selfish in trying to make you agree to having her baby baptized at your wedding. If she's coming in early for your wedding, why can't she have it either before or after the brunch...and the wedding? I'm sure most of your relatives will still be in town then. Why is she so insistent on having it the same day? People are suppose to be accommodating you since you're the bride, not her just cause she lives in France. Don't worry about her, she's the one in the wrong.
2006-09-11 12:01:24 · answer #3 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For her it is perfect timing, all the family will be there etc.. I understand both points of view. I personally would allow her to before or after. You two should see if you can come up with a compromise. Can it be the same day but not at the brunch?Or the day before or after etc.. Try to work something out, you dont want problems with you sister.You need to enjoy her visit and be happy about your upcoming wedding
2006-09-11 06:45:19 · answer #4 · answered by loladoreen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not getting married at the brunch then why not. Put into consideration that the whole family will be there and she can have a baptism with all of you. What r u worried that u wont get enough gifts ..... The baby has no fault i say do it. It would have been a different story if you are getting married then i say no. by the way if it is only one child it wont take long amybe half hour to one hour tops. If that the case also tell her to pitch in with the cost may be it maight change her mind..
2006-09-11 06:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your sister is being selfish! It is inappropriate to have a baptism at a wedding brunch. Sounds to me like she wants to steal some of your time. THis is YOUR time. Why is she jealous of you? Tell her you think the baby deserves his/her own personal day of baptism and that the baby shouldn't have to take 2nd wind to your wedding brunch. That way you sound like you are looking out for her and maybe you can keep peace in the family.
2006-09-11 06:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by Stiletto ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky question. Really, it's your time to be in the limelight. On the other hand, if she's only home for a short time and coming especially for your wedding, it might be something to consider if she and her husband would make you and your new spouse the Godparents of her child. It could actually be a really special occasion and add to your new marriage by creating an extra and important bond between your new hubby and your family. Think it over.
2006-09-11 06:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by auld mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong. Your sister is out of line, this is your time for making memories the way you want them, and I have never heard of anyone horning in on wedding festivities for anything, let alone a baptism... Stick to your guns, hopefully she will grow up, and realize she was an a-$$ for even asking in the first place.
2006-09-11 06:47:25 · answer #8 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all what religion is she? How old is the child? A baby you said. I'm a christian and having a baby baptized does not make that child saved. The baby has a one way ticket to heaven as long as she's not to the age of accountability. Once that child reaches the age of accountability then she's got to make that decision whether or not to accept Jesus as her lord and saviour. Last but not least this is your special day so do what makes you happy. All focus and enjoyment should be on you!!!
2006-09-11 06:47:54 · answer #9 · answered by concerned 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's your day. But if you're willing to compromise (can anybody say sister of the year!), and your wedding is in the afternoon, maybe she can do the baptism in the morning. If she won't consider that, tell her to think about her actions (I tell people to "marinate on that thought"), and walk away. Keep your day intact and keep on rolling! She'll regret her actions sooner than you! Good Luck!!
2006-09-11 10:09:24 · answer #10 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋