Why do we fear asking for money or item back when the person asked to borrow it? Why do people get mad when the money or item is asked to be returned?
2006-09-11 05:52:45 · 14 answers · asked by Laughing Libra 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
We naturally fear confrontation - simply because primitively it would often end in bloodshed, possibly even death! Of course that's extreme when you are just asking for your mower back, but your subconcious self, doesn't have the ability to rationalise and it prepares you for combat. This is uncomfortable, both mentally and physically and because we find it hard to deal with we naturally avoid situations where conflict is a possibility.
The way to deal with it is not to make the situation confrontational. For example "Hi Bill - how are you? Great. Listen, I was just about to go out and mow the lawn and I remembered I leant the mower out. Don't suppose you've finished with it have you? It would be great to get this grass cut before it rains". You are not demanding, or putting the borrower on the spot - how can they refuse - it is yours after all.
2006-09-11 06:18:11 · answer #1 · answered by Rokkster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GUILT!No one factor... well prove in psychology,body language, etc. The moment anyone is confronted with a question that they know should never have to be asked, the defence mechanism turns on... any situation ... they have been caught in a lie! Simple as that...so from now on, when someone becomes defensive in responding to a question, the "adrenalin" pumps inside their stomach, you've experienced that when your parents caught you in a lie and you tried to lie your way out of it.. remember.... same thing .. try and remember this little piece of wisdom: "Never a borrower or lender be"...and that will never happen to you again. When it comes to money, get a written contract first, protect yourself.. lending money is like fronting someone some smoke, once they've spent it they conveniently forget the promise. With personal items, remember, no one takes better care of your things then yourself, and NEVER,EVER let anyone else drive your car! Hope I helped you understand a little better, but bottom line... if you don't listen to my advise, you'll find out the hard way again yourself... Good Luck in Life..
2006-09-11 13:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by peaches 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(lol, i wrote this and then read that someone else had the same idea... hey, great minds think alike, lol.)
i think the biggest factor is the fear of the confrontation. if i'm asking for money, i fear the confrontation that could follow. if someone is asking for something that they let another person borrow, that person is automatically put on the defensive, whether they have reason or not. it's just the confrontation that makes it hard. i've noticed that the best way to make things more even keel, is to put the items on lists, like actual IOU notes or something. my sister has a paper on her fridge of the videos that she's leant out, and to whom. i have videos of hers, and she doesn't care when i get them back to her, but knowing that they're on a list helps keep track, and solidifies her as the owner of the items. when it comes to money, it's always more serious. i try not to lend money out expecting to get it back. i give it to the person, and try to forget about it. then if i get it back it's a nice surprise, but if they never get to pay me back, i'm not constantly bringing it up.
2006-09-11 13:29:05 · answer #3 · answered by shari313 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no problem with it. In fact, just a few days ago I had to go visit a couple who bought an air conditioner from me, and did not finish paying for it. I drove up in the yard, and when she came out I told her I wanted either the money or the AC back. It took 2 more days, but I got the money!
I also repossessed a truck once, when the man would not pay for it...I still had a set of keys, and I simply drove it right out of his front yard!
I never understand why tjey get mad when you ask for your own possessions back. That's childish!
2006-09-11 13:19:21 · answer #4 · answered by shortfrog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Human nature.
We fear asking back because we fear they will think we are not friends enough to allow them more time.
They get mad because they expect us as friends to give them more time with the loan.
My experience is borrowers seldom return loans promptly and they usually never do.
The moral of the story is NEVER lend money or anything to "friends".
2006-09-12 02:45:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they feel guilty.
I never have that problem with people because I tell them up front that, I will loan them the (whatever) but I expect them to bring it back and, if I have to chase it down or ask them to return it, then they don't ever need to ask to borrow something of mine again.
2006-09-11 12:57:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find that has happened to me before. I let some borrow they say they will pay it back and then I have to ask then they are mad. I don'tlet anyone borrow anymore. Thats the solution
2006-09-11 12:57:41 · answer #7 · answered by cin_ann_43 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because obviously if you had to lend their broke a s s money, that means they usually don't have it to pay back. Or they rob Peter to pay Paul. We knew it when we gave it to them so you feel bad inside knowing it will strain them more having to pay you back. Thats why I don't loan anything out. People get mad when its time to pay up because they were hoping you would forget they owed you or tell them not to worry about paying it back.
2006-09-11 14:07:15 · answer #8 · answered by duvaldiva.com 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you. People shouldn't be embarassed to ask for their money back. Frankly, we shouldn't have to ask at all. Shame on the borrower!
2006-09-11 13:01:11 · answer #9 · answered by sheeny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good rule is: If you lend it, expect not to see it again. If you cannot afford to lose it, don't let it go in the first place.
If you do lend something be clear upfront as to when it is expected to be returned.
2006-09-11 13:01:07 · answer #10 · answered by limgrn_maria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋