I have been dating this lady for 7 months she has one son 19 I have two 16 and 13.
When we first started talking she ask me why I didn't date anyone I told her because of the kids she said yes, I know same here. Now 7 months later I am about get custody of my youngest. We had talked about marriage and life together as a family. Now in the past month or so she has become very distant with me whenever I have my youngest son, older one does his own thing most of the time. Never around, neither is her son in school. She told me the other day that "You, made a family with your ex-wife and at best I will only be an addendum to that" She now says that she thinks we should wait until he is out of school to get married that is 6 years. And only want to see me when I don't have him.
I love her very much and feel like I am in a no win situation. I have been divorced for 8 plus years and have dated very few times because of this very thing. I love my kids and will always be a dad no matter what.
2006-09-11 05:25:42 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I should also add that she says my kids take advantage of me and use me as a bank. (Don't all teeneagers) And I know that my son has never been rude or disrespctful to her. Her ask about going to her house all the time and I am out of excuses. I need some peace.
2006-09-11 06:27:45 · update #1
Well, the answer is simple. You will be a dad no matter what. Meaning that even though you love this woman, your kids should come first. Now, if she can't accept that, and if she does not want to take the next step because of that, then maybe you should rethink being with her, because that is a selfish move on her part. Sit and talk to her, let her know how you feel, and see what her stance is.
2006-09-11 05:35:00 · answer #1 · answered by Maico 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's selfish and into her world no room for urs buddy. That's why when I divorced I didn't consider giving a step mother to my wonderful kids. If u don't love my kids u don't love me. They were before u and will be after u. Wait and see if u really love her but ur kids will always be part of ur life as u said if she doesn't want them now she'll never want them. She's Cinderella's wicked step mother open ur eyes and smell the coffee for ur kids sake u don't need the heart aches that she'll definitely bring into all ur lives. It's tough but u'll get over it compare ur children's life time and the seven month's u've been together.
2006-09-11 05:34:55 · answer #2 · answered by papabeartex 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Break it off with her now! 7 months isn't all that long anyway. This lady is nothing but jealous,selfish, and quite disrespectful. For her to say she will only see you when your child is not around but will marry you in 6 years is nuts! If she can't accept your whole package as it is then she is not worthy of your love period! Do yourself a favor and find someone who can love you AND your children as you are. Be thankful you are finding out her true colors now,BEFORE you married her! Get rid of her and move on,she's not worth it.
2006-09-12 08:17:17 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the good dad u've been to ur kids no matter what happened do not chnage ur mind because of a woman. woman can divorce u any time nor break ur heart as ur first one did but ur kids will always be there for u and will forever be grateful to u for ur love and caring on them.
U are a good father keep on the good work.
2006-09-11 05:33:22 · answer #4 · answered by Peace G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you will always be a dad no matter what, but it would be easier for her to deal with this situation when your children are independent and not always in her face. as much as you love each other, jumping into a marriage right now especially when your children are in their adolescence could one of the biggest mistakes you ever make in your life. because instead of finding peace and happiness with your new love, you might find yourself going insane, and being driven further away from her, when your children start to adjust. they could be the nicest of kids, but imagine have to adjust to having a new woman in their life, a woman replacing their mother after eight whole years? deep under, this could have such psychological consequences on them, that you might end up losing not only your new wife, but your kids as well. i would continue dating the woman, trying to convince her that yr kids would always be a part of your life, and it is up to you to realise that it would indeed much easier on ALL of you to wait these 6 years. good luck to you, and this might be testing your patience, but your marriage soon could be risking the lives of your whole family, including you. all the best
2006-09-11 05:36:30 · answer #5 · answered by abstract 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, It might be tough to do but I would move on.
If she isn't willing to accept your child then she may not have the social tools to accept your friends and past relationships either. And unless your willing to reshape your identity to fit her agenda it doesn't sound like a good fit.
Even if you do reshape your identity to fit her ideas you might find out later that she is unwilling to accept something you did in the past. Sounds like she has got some issues.
2006-09-11 05:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by explicit_intents 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there may be an issue between her and the 13 yr old that she isn't telling you about. this is not uncommon as emerging teens can bring in some very demanding issues ... talk to your 16 yr old to see if he knows of anything and then to your 13 yr old .... sometimes they can be cruel with their comments when they are trying to maintain some loyalty to their natural mother. it sounds like she doesn't want to come between you and your son over his attitude toward her. investigate
2006-09-11 05:38:04 · answer #7 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like shes trying to buy time for some reason. I would sit her down and get everything out in the air. She may have something on her mind that she needs to get off her chest but don't want to hurt your feelings.
2006-09-11 05:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by Tee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do u still feel dat she's worthy of becoming a wife to you... n a mother to ur children..??? i guess its for u 2 realise this soon now.. n dat ur children would b far better with no mother at all, than a "mother" like this.. Good Luck..
2006-09-11 05:34:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like she wants to except your son. If that's the way she feels then you should really move on. If I was with someone and they didn't want to see me when I was with my child then I wouldn't want to see them when I didn't. She sounds very selfish and you can do alot better. Good Luck!
2006-09-11 05:32:08 · answer #10 · answered by jeter2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋