My boyfriend and I were doing great until 3 days before he was to be deployed.
We have been together for 3 years. Now I'm not even sure we are together.I'm not sure if he can't call or if he just isn't. Do I wait it out or move on? Is this normal to act like that before depoying?
2006-09-11 05:04:46 · 15 answers · asked by peds LPN 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Well, i am actually a soldier who is deployed, for the second time. And when i was about to deploy for the first time, the woman i am amarried to now, said almost the same things to me right before i deployed. and also i have seen others act in the same manner. it isnt easy when you are about to be deployed on your mental state. i know right before i deployed i questioned my relationship at the time and what the future of it would be, and i kinda felt as if i had to distance myself from her to make it hurt less if something bad were to happen while i was away. so, in translation, i say to you.......give him a chance he prolly just cant call right now, and as for the way he was acting.........he may have been experiencing what i was, or something similar to it. it doesnt mean he doesnt care, he just may not be sure of the security of your relationship and trying to prevent heartache.
2006-09-11 05:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by Bruce A 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Where did he deploy to? He is probably unable to call right now but whenever he actually gets to where he will be he should get email access or some type of phone time (probably VERY limited) When people deploy their situations in life tend to get very intense. Think about it- If you were going to Iraq and had to face the truth about what could happen to you their wouldnt you be rather high strung as well? Maybe once he gets to wherever he is going and sees the enviroment he will be exposed to he will calm down. I am sure things will come together and you will get answers within a few weeks when he can contact you. If you have been together for 3 years, you probably have a lot of history and you should WAIT and see where things stand before moving on. You dont want to be one of those woman who leaves their "significant other" during a time of deployment. Trust me, my husband is active duty Army and those woman get a really bad name for themselves when they break the heart of a soldier who is deployed. Also, you want to make sure if your relationship is really important you dont do something you will regret or that you cant take back. He is under stress, so cut him a little slack. Good Luck!!!
2006-09-11 12:20:44 · answer #2 · answered by Army, Hawaii Bound or Doomed? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a very stressful time for you both. He is probably nervous and afraid. Think of all he is facing right now, being away from you, not knowing if you will wait for him, being killed during his deployment, or eve having to kill someone else. He may seem like he is pushing you away but he needs you more than ever right now. He needs your reassurance that you will be waiting and that you still love him, that he will come back and that the two of you will resume the life you had planned, and that he will be able to face the challenges ahead of him, that he will do the right thing under pressure. He either may not be able to call right now or he may not know how to talk to you and tell you his fears/ He may be trying to be the strong one and doesn't want to let you know that he is afraid. It is OK for us to cry but men cant. Begin writing him a letter, tell him how much you miss him, tell him the same things you would tell him if he were sitting beside you, the gossip at work, who is dating who this kind of thing. It may sound silly when he is facing so much but it will let him know that he is still a part of your every day life. Add a little to the letter every day and then send it when you can. I bet that you will hear from him when he gets it. Good luck and God bless both of you.
2006-09-11 12:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by brendagho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal before a deployment, sometimes it is easier to put up a front of not caring then to know you are leaving someone you love. Most likeily he can not call right now. Be patient and understanding, it is difficult for him too. Although, I think that it is most difficult on the people left behind because we have to go through our normal daily routinues without them. I would wait and not do anything drastic, if your relationship was strong before, I think it is the deployment and him trying to be strong and shield you from hurt rather than him falling out of love with you. Sometimes they try to protect in odd ways. Keep your faith in your relationship and remain strong. God Speed.
2006-09-11 17:43:23 · answer #4 · answered by Dylansmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The stresses are enormous. He's facing the reality of going off to war. And don't expect everything to be just fine when he gets back, either. He'll need time to readjust and to come to terms with his experiences. You'll have changed, too, if only be the fact of being on your own for an extended period. Pre- and post-deployment relationship difficulties are very common.
As for calls, they're a hit-or-miss proposition. Don't assume he doesn't want to talk to you.
What you do is up to you, but if you decide to stay with him, be prepared for the possibilty that it may be tough for a while.
2006-09-11 12:19:45 · answer #5 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the branch of service. But it's still hard.
If he's in the navy, I can tell you somethings. It's very hard to call from a moving ship. They don't have dedicated lines. My last deployment, we lost off-ship email and phone lines for the first month. Mail takes awhile as well. I've actually beaten letters home.
Just give it some time.
2006-09-11 12:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by darkemoregan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry wait it out!
It is very dangerous for soldiers to talk to children, wives or girlfriends as phonelines get bugged!
My bro was in Iraq when the war was just starting and he was warned about all this, and he had been told they can find out where they live etc! so the only way he could communicate with us was 1 letter for the whole 8 months he was over there!
It broke all are hearts not knowing what was going on with him, but all we could do was wait! esp his wives as she had to focus all her attention on their 3 month old son!!
So i can understand how you are feeling!
2006-09-11 15:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by Sazzle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES i have been in your shoe's, my EX boyfriend went into the army and was crazy about me (2 years together) , but when he got out of boot camp, he was a total A$$hole to me and said he didnt' think it was going to work out since he's was a big military guy and was going to travel and everything, i think he loved the attention and letters i sent him in boot camp but i guess he thought he didn't need me after that, ( they get VERY needy when there in boot camp) well he was my first love so i was extremely depressed afterwards, i actually met another guy who treated me fantastic, but later on wanted to go into the Air Force (what are the chances?) i was upset, he told me if i didn't want to wait on him he would completly understand (because he knew what i went through with my ex) well i was inlove and waited, now we are married, some guys are different then others, it sounds like this guy your with feels like now that he has the military he doesn't need a girlfriend or anything, but he'll regret it, my ex still regrets it and hasn't been in a successful relationship since, i wouldn't go after him, let him leave and go on with your life, you don't need to wait around for a guy that you don't know what he's doing and with home (a lot of the cheat on there wives and gf's when there gone) its not normal at all for him to of acted like that when he doesn't even know when he'll see you again, your worth to much to wait around for a guy your not sure see's a future with you, have a great life and don't depend on anyone for your happiness accept for yourself :)
2006-09-11 14:20:04 · answer #8 · answered by AFwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on him. Any person in uniform deserves a second chance and the benefit of the doubt. A lot of strange things go through a persons mind when they receive those orders and in some cases it completly changes them for a while. He'll come around as he is going to need your support before you know it.Be there for him.
2006-09-11 13:56:05 · answer #9 · answered by irishlad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is your commitment, my dear? If there wasnt one then why bother, but if there was one then you better stand by him like a rock. The man is off on a mission let his mind be at peace, tell him youd be waiting when he reyurns, at least for now! Let some days pass and see how tthings build up.
2006-09-11 12:33:01 · answer #10 · answered by bindu n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋