How long should you wait for the M word?

Question

Should I wait or should I go when he says he isn't ready after almost 3 years?

Answer 1

Depends on WHY he isn't ready.
Depends on why you are with him in the first place.
Depends on how badly you have to get married. If it is more important to be married or with that particular guy.
I have been with my live-in boyfriend for over a year. We are very happy, but he is in bankruptcy, and I would lose 7 years of alimony if we married. So, we won't.
Besides, he doesn't want to get married because he was in a marriage for almost 30 years, and got burned--on fire- really badly. He is terrified to give anyone that kind of power over him again. I was married for 17 years to an abusive and deceitful man, who looked like Prince Charming while we dated (year and half.) We got married and he turned into a nut-wad. I am very gun-shy, too.
Living together is a perfect choice for us. Of course, we are older-he is 63 and I am 56, so my biological clock is laying in pieces on the floor.
We may never get married and I am fine with that. I know he loves me and we get along great.
My feeling is that YOU are ready to get married and he is stalling. He may never be ready to marry YOU. He may not be the Marrying "type."
I know a young guy who dated a girl for 8 years (all during high school and beyond), lived with her, bought dogs together. She followed him around like a puppy, in love and true, and dedicated to him. He was bored and took her SOOO for granted.
She got in trouble at work- and got fired, She was devastated. When came home to tell him, instead of taking up for her-he booted her out of the house HE had just bought with Their credit. She moved back in with her dad, and he immediately started dating another girl, and in less than 3 months, they were married.
I tried to talk the girl into filing for half that house, and she was so heart-broken she couldn't function. She couldn't believe he could be so "callous" and mean. He was never going to marry her, he didn't respect her and he thought he could "do better." It is a sad truth for the girl, for a while, and then she figured out that he would never appreciate her, and always think he could do better. She is better off with out him and so is he.
The truth shall set you free, honey. You may not LIKE the truth, but you might want to ask him what the deal is. YOU KNOW what the real scoop is. Listen to what he ISN'T saying.
Don't settle, get what you want.
There is nothing stopping YOU from asking HIM!!!
Good luck honey!

Answer 2

Everything depends on where you both are in your life. Perhaps there is some reason he is wanting to wait. Are you both done with school and established in your careers?

I got married when I was 29, which was not too early according to many people, but I was in college at the time. By the time I finished my degree, I had changed a lot. I think college really changed me a lot and made it impossible for me to be content with the woman I chose as my wife.

Without knowing your details, giving you a good answer is not easy, but I would assume that there is something in his life he wants to accomplish before marriage. You have been together for three years. What has your relationship been like? Do you think he really loves you? I think the best course of action is to talk to him and be honest about your feelings. If he gives a good reason to wait, then sure why not wait? If it is true love then a few more years won't hurt. If it is not true love then you will be SO glad you didn't rush to get married. Best wishes.

Answer 3

Wait for as long as it takes! And if you're not comfortable with waiting, move on. Bottom line is you shouldn't force the issue. let it be HIS idea of when, where, and how. If he never asks, then it may not be meant to be. But to apply pressure because it's what you want, could potentially cause him to either resent the idea itself, or force a marriage that he simply wasn't ready for. You could make subtle hints - circling different engagement rings you find in an ad - making it obvious to him that you're ready, but again beyond that, I wouldn't push the issue. Good luck!

Answer 4

Marriage is a commitment that a man should be able to decide within 1 year. As my Mother used to tell me, if the girl isn't worth marrying then don't waste your time dating her.

I believe that all men make that decision early on. If he doesn't bring it up and hasn't explained that he wants to marry and raise a family with YOU, then he's not serious after 3 years. He's just using you until someone better comes along.

Also, this situation speaks volumes about your self esteem and how you perceive your worth to men. Stand proud and don't accept a relationship without a stated and agreed goal of marriage. Anything less is wasting your time and spending your emotions.

Have courage to stand up for yourself. Don't allow him to drag on further without him actively pursuing a date. If you try coercing him you will regret it later. You know inside that you deserve better. You deserve a man who wants the same as you.

Good luck and God bless. You know what to do.

Kind Regards,
QwertyKPH @ Yahoo®

Answer 5

WOW! 3 years....man! I would say wait 1 to 1&1/2 years, because everything is good at first, but after 1 to 1&1/2 years you know the real deal!

Answer 6

If marriage is your only goal then you need to go. If having a loving & stable relationship with this man is on your agenda, then stay. I dare say, though, if he's not ready after almost 3 years, then he probably never will be. You have to decide if you can accept that & stay with him or not. If you can't, then you'll have to move on. Hard to hear, hard to do - good luck dear.

Answer 7

I think that you should find out why he is not willing to commit. Also, if marriage is something that he just does not have an interest in. You need to find out where his priorities lay and see if you are on the same wave length. If marriage is something that you have always dreamed of and wanted, then you need to see if you are willing to sacrafice not marrying so you can be together, or move on with someone who will make the committement and have similar values on family life as you.

Answer 8

wait because even though you 2 have been together for 3yrs doesnt mean hes ready 4 marrige. my parents were to gether 4 10 yrs befor they were married so dnt think waiting is a hard thing just be patient.

Answer 9

Depends. How much do you love him? Find out why he isn't ready. Fear of commitment? Does his parents have relationship issues? I have a terrible fear of marriage due to seeing how everyone else's marriages turn out including my parents. Maybe he just really really really wants to be sure. I don't really know. If you love him though, I would stay with him every single second possible, because if you leave him it may be the worst mistake of your life that you will regret forever.

Answer 10

These thoughts are for you to consider, not necessarily to answer to us

1)how old are you, and how mature
2)are you both committed to your relationship
3)how compatible have the last 3 years been
4)do YOU feel he is worth waiting for
5)do you envision a future with him, is he responsible, dedicated, mature, stable

You will wait as long as it holds value for YOU, not by what we tell you to do.