Are we a country so afraid that we can't smile or say hello to passerbys in the street?

Question

As a mid forty-something I was taught manners. I always smile or say hello when I walk the dog. Most people don't acknowledge my friendliness. It is common courtesy to at least acknowledge this simple gesture. Are we a country afraid to be polite?

Answer 1

We used to pray on this as kids... We used to play the wave game, and the points sytems was easy. You smile and wave at a passerby on a bus journey and you get points for:

1 point for an obvious ignore (not just a simple ignore but somebody who makes it obvious that hey are ignoring you)
2 points for a smile
2 points for a wave
3 points for an obsene jestire
5 points for an aborted wave (thinks they might know you but realised that they are making a scene in the street so stops)

Makes the miles in town bus routes fly past!

Answer 2

It's not that I don't want to say hello to every passerby. I would really like to, but I have not always had good experiences with people on the street and it has caused me to become a little bit more reserved in my late 20s. My problem is I am a bit of an introverted person and on the sensitive side. If someone is unfriendly to me, it affects me more on the inside than it would many people. I have tried to say hello to passerbys in the street before and have at times received evil or arrogant looks from that person who continued to walk by and say nothing to me at all. So I don't always know who will be friendly to me and who will not. As I result I tend to try to walk past people quietly and I'm not good about making eye contact. I'm trying to work on being a little more friendly to passersby in the street, but it's hard for me. I am a nice guy though and do consider myself to be considerate of others. I will always hold the door for anyone and I am very happy to give up my seat to an elderly person. And if someone on the street comes up to me and starts talking to me, I am very polite and happy to answer back. I'm just not usually the the one who will speak to a passerby first.

Answer 3

No, I don't think so. Maybe it depends on where you live. I live in a rural area, and it is still customary to exchange greetings here, even when encountering a stranger. I do notice that when I visit the big cities, people look at me as if I'm deranged if I make eye contact or smile. There's a theory in sociology (I forget whose, maybe Werth?) that the more close-packed people are the less they interact in this way, because it would just be too exhausting/overstimulating to greet everyone. Also, the more physically crowded people are, the more they require personal psychological space.

Then again, maybe you just look like an axe murderer? :-)

Answer 4

You say that 'as a mid forty-something' you were taught manners'
- I presume you mean that you were taught them before you were in your mid 40s.

Having manners is not to do with age- it is to do with your state of mind, how you wish to present yourself to the world and sometimes your upbringing. Indeed, I would say there are more young people with good manners because they aren't always on the defensive about how they feel that their life could have turned out better or insecure about their looks.

Some absolutely awful people have good manners and some very good people might be regarded as having poor manners.
For instance, a con artist may be attentive to people so that he gains their trust and their money.
Alternatively, someone with a heart of gold might be very shy and seemingly aloof but they just don't want to be hurt by less noble people than themselves.

Answer 5

I'm constantly surprised by that as well. I grew up in a big city (Los Angeles) but still knew to say hi to people. While it's impossible to say hi to every person walking by in a city, if you're on a street that's small and has little traffic, or it's your own neighborhood, what's so scary about acknowledging another person's presence?

I can't tell if it's some odd sign of the times or a lack of connection with our fellow man nowadays. I actually find myself getting irritated with people when I smile and say hi and they just stare back at me. I want to yell "WHY CAN YOU JUST SAY HI! I'M NOT OUT TO HURT YOU!!!"

Answer 6

I totally agree with you. The same thing happens when I'm out walking my dog. The larger proportion of the non-responders seem to be people older than us. There is a teenager local to me who I see most days. He used to spit a lot and never acknowledged my hello. One day I stopped him and asked him why he never responded. He told me it was because he shy. So I went through the routine with him.
Me: Hello,
Him: Hi.
Not difficult. Now he treats it as a kind of secret club and enjoys passing the time of day with me and even manages to comment on the weather sometimes.
I go into London frequently and make it a challenge to myself to get someone to smile back. It needn't be a broad beam - just a slight upward twist of the mouth will do.

Answer 7

i'm a 19 yr old male. i always try to look untreatening and am always polite but still people cross the roads to avoid me because of the stereotype. i can't say i've ever had the urge to mug an old lady or stab someone for no reason. its quite irritating to know how apalling life in this world is that people are treated so badly on both sides of the story.
i would however still encourage precautions when walking alone because the majority of youths aren't as friendly as i am

Answer 8

I don't think we as a country are afraid to be polite we as a country are just way to busy in our lives we forget to slow down and be polite. I always smile and say hi when someone makes eye contact with me, but am at fault to for getting way to busy and forget to acknowledge people sometimes not because I'm not polite. Some people are just that way maybe shy, or just plain are not polite as sad as it is. Good question :)

Answer 9

The way this excuse for a country is heading people are begining to find out it doesn't pay to be too friendly ,we welcomed the refugees with open arms in Glasgow expecially the poles and now they feel settled in they are stealing our jobs by undercutting the going rate of pay by 50%.. that's where being friendly gets you they aren't improving their lifes they're dragging us down to their level..and I know greedy firms don't help!. but I thought poles had some pride how wrong can you be?

Answer 10

God, where do you live? I'm not a happy-go-lucky type of guy. But I smile, nod, and say hello to folks on the street sometimes. Maybe you're being too friendly and people think you're a perv or something.