my teenage step daughter lies and sdisrespects her mother constantly?

Question

I tried talking with her and she just says Fu** you your not my fuc**** dad, she tells her mom to shut the fuc** up, makes her mom cry and im beyond myself on what to do, my wife wont punish her but i feel she needs to be punished Grounding dont work she just sneaks out..help

like the other day for example she told us she was going to a friends house after school I called to tell her it was time to come home and i would come get her. the girls mom said she isnt here! she got home at 2 am!!!!! she said oh i fell asleep at sonyas house..i called her on he lie and she ran to her room and slammed her door

she comes in smelling of booe and even admitted to huffing!!!

thats booze not booe !!!

Marlo D I do know she gets that way at school to she's been suspended already this year and the school year just began

Her dad is a drug addict and hes not allowed (court order) to see her becuase he let her smoke weed.. I have been helping raise her and have taken better care of ehr in the past 3 years than her dad ever has

my wife says "let it go shes a kid"

Answer 1

Plain and simple, your step-daughter has been given too much power. This is something that was done, most likely, long before you were in the picture. Thumbs up to you for trying! However, her mother needs to be there right beside you, or better so, two feet ahead of you. It is rough being a step-parent. It's also too bad that she speaks to you that way and tells you that you're not her father. But I hope that you never take that to heart and in turn insult her father. When she says that to you, kill her with love. Tell her that it hurts you when she says that because although you're not her father, you still love her very much. Don't ever use that against her by reminding her that her father is crappy. You have to be the calm one, and you and your wife need to be in control.

First, if she has any type of cell phone, take it away . . . FOR GOOD.
Second, get to know her friends and monitor who she hangs out with.
Third, know EVERY detail of what she is going to do when she leaves, and if you don't feel comfortable, tell her she can have her friends come over.
Forth, be her only sorce of transportation.

It will take a lot of time, but with the right amount of love . . you can do it. You also want to make sure that you and your wife are doing more than yelling at her. Plan some family activities together that she will enjoy, although you may not. There doesn't seem to be a family bond there at all. This needs to be created as it is the foundation for respect in the home.

Good luck!

Answer 2

It's unfortunate for you and your wife, reason being that she is a teenager, and the seed has been planted and this is what your wife is reaping. Not too good. I suggest you stand your ground and ask your wife to help you. It's great that you want to be a disciplinarian, but it doesn't really work unless both parties are agreeing to the same discipline. It's almost worthless. I suggest you seek professional help and try to see if you can get a Christian family counselor. They won't resort directly to "medication" or anything considered "easy." Instead, they will try to resolve and work with you starting at the "root", which is what any respectable professional should be doing. I also suggest you join a religious congregation. They provide support and many resources to help out families and individuals with any life situations. Also, try to understand that this girl is blinded right now by the way her life has gone. I'd love to talk to this girl myself. It sounds like she's going through a tunnel in her life that might destroy her or make her stronger, but it's hard to tell. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you.

Answer 3

I think she's needs some serious help. She sounds out of control. Time for some tough love I think. It's hard to do, but I think you both as parents need to sit down and tell her how much she is loved and talk about what's going on in her life..why she likes these friends and booze etc. Maybe it's time for you guys to move to another city or town. I'm afraid if you don't take action soon it'll be too late.
Good luck with this.

Answer 4

Call the department of child services. Tell them that you cannot control her and she is participating in harmful and illegal behavior. The DCS will take custody of her, and get her both family and individual counseling, which she obviously needs. This doesn't mean that she will necessarily be placed outside of the home, but maybe that would be the best. Believe me, it would not be a permanent situation, and she would learn how to control herself, respect, etc. She would be placed in a group home or foster care, and although that may not sound like what you want, it may help all of you to have the services of the DCS. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Yes she is a kid and you guys are the parents. Your wife needs to put her foot down, her daughter is already a hand full. And for you to keep putting up with being cussed by her I give you a thumbs up. Because I can honestly say if it was me she was cussing i would have already slapped her in the mouth. Put foot down and get her in some counseling. And don't back down. Tell your wife you are tired of being treated like dirt from a hell bound teenager.

Answer 6

get her to go to a counsler, I was like that, but it was because I was depressed, there's probably something much deeper that is causing the problem, as for punishing it might not work, also talk ot the school to see if there has been something going on. hold on just read the details.... take her to a counsler, or even rehab, do it now before she gets in too deep!!!!!!

She's starting to mess her life up, it's just going to get worse if you dont do something fast. if she's drinking alcohol she could be doing other things, and not just drugs!!!

Answer 7

how old is she? perhaps it's not u guys she is angry with. instead of criticizing what she is doing wrong go deeper and see if it has to do with her. let her know u want to be there for her but u can't help unless she helps u. teenagers r great with blaming their parents for their anger and upsets. i will tell ya one thing though punishing her in any way will cause more problems for u both. u could also seek some kind of counselling for the family.

Answer 8

she only does it b/c the mom's let her get away with it for too long-when i was younger, my mom and stepfather 'grounded me for life' I got sent to private school, we moved out to the country with nothing around in walking distance and too far for anyone to want to drive, my screens were screwed on windows we didn't even have TV or a phone!- I't was like a prison to me, but now that i'm older, i appreciate what they did b/c i am a better person today for it and didn't ruin my life like i would have

Answer 9

u can try several methods.im a teenager myself,so i can relate somehow.

u can put her on a strict curfew and enforce strict dislinpine.however,most likely she would rebel so u can also take it on e soft side n go on a one to one talk.make her feel guilty.

Answer 10

She is a kid, thats true, but that type of behaviour you dont just let it go.. heres some tips, laws and what not. Remind your wife, that the very reason her bio dad cant see her may ned up being the reason why she can lose custody as well.

Between graduation parties, end-of-school celebrations, and summer gatherings, your teen’s calendar is likely to be full of festive events this month. You and your teen might be planning a party of your own. You may have mulled over many of the party-planning details, but have you thought about what might happen if you allow alcohol and drugs at your event? Even if you don’t buy alcohol for your teen’s party, youth may still get it from your home or from a sibling or friend who is over the age of 21.
Some parents believe that it’s safer for their teens to drink at home than to drink anywhere else. Other adults, including some parents, mistakenly think that underage drinking is part of growing up. They may view it as a rite of passage—one that often follows a teen’s high school graduation instead of his 21st birthday.

But new social host liability laws in States across the country are changing parents’ minds as the responsibility for underage drinking moves from teens who consume alcohol to parents who provide it to teens.

Under these laws, adults who serve or supply alcohol to persons under the age of 21 can be held liable if any of those underage persons are killed or injured. Adults also can be held responsible if teens who drink at their homes kill or injure another person. The laws vary from State to State, but parents who break these laws could be charged for medical bills and property damage and could be sued for emotional pain and suffering.
In addition to lawsuits, parents in an increasing number of States, including Kansas, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Texas, may find themselves subject to criminal prosecution for underage drinking by their teens and their teen’s friends. In one case, a Pennsylvania parent was sentenced to a 1- to 4.5-year prison term for involuntary manslaughter after three teens died in a drunk-driving accident following a party the parent hosted. Although the parent did not buy the alcohol for the party, the parent did allow the teens to drink the alcohol that was present.

Parents may be held responsible even if they’re not home when underage drinking occurs. They also may be held responsible if underage drinking takes place anywhere on their property. Social host liability laws often extend to parents who fail to take sufficient measures to prevent underage drinking in their homes. You might think twice about leaving your teen home alone during a weekend.

The good news is that more teens are enjoying alcohol- and drug-free parties. School systems, parents, community groups, and faith-based organizations often host events without alcohol that provide parent supervision, food, games, and prizes. Teens are turning out in high numbers to these parties, keeping themselves and their parents safe.

Since drug users are usually pretty secretive about their dependency it's kind of hard to tell. Watch your friend for any of the following signs, and, if one or more appear, you might want to talk to your friend about getting some help:


Gets drunk or high on drugs on a regular basis.
Lies about things, or about the amount of drugs they are using.
Avoids you so they can go get drunk or high instead.
Stops doing stuff that used to be a big part of their life (sports, homework, or hanging out with friends who don't do drugs).
Plans drinking or drug use in advance, hides Alcohol or drugs, and uses them when alone.
Has to drink or use more drugs than ever before to get the same high.
Doesn't think they can have fun unless drunk or stoned.
They have a lot of hangovers.
Seems withdrawn, depressed, tired, and cares less about personal grooming and physical appearance.
Eating and sleeping patterns have changed; rapid loss of weight.
Having difficulty concentrating.
Red-rimmed eyes or runny nose not related to cold or allergies.
Pressures other people to drink or use other drugs.
Takes risks, including sexual risks.
Has "blackouts" and forgets what they did while under the influence.
Feels run-down, hopeless, depressed, or even suicidal.
Sounds selfish and doesn't care about others.
Constantly talks about drinking or using other drugs.
Gets in trouble with the police.
Drinks and drives.
Gets suspended from school for drug-related problems.

Contrary to some parents' fears, strict rules don't alienate kids. Although they may grumble and act cranky when you lay down the law, in the back of their minds (and hearts), they know your rules show you care. The type of behaviour your stepdaughter is showing, unless you and your wife put your foot down and get her some help, wont stop on its own. You best stop it now, before it takes its toll. But as her stepdad you only have so much right and unfortunately the law is only on your side so far, sadly its not far enough sometimes.

Question 6Are curfews legal?AnswerNarrowly crafted ordinances designed toaddress specifically identified problems appear able to
withstand legal challenges, especially if they provide
exceptions for children who are out after curfew with
their parents’ consent or for legitimate purposes. In recent
years, teen curfews have become increasingly popular
with localities as a means of combating increased juvenile
delinquency, decreased parental supervision, and other
social trends. A study published in the American Journal of
Police of curfew ordinances in the 200 largest U.S. cities
(population of 100,000 or greater) found a dramatic surge
in curfews in the first half of the 1990s, with 73 percent
having curfews in effect.
However, teen curfews have increasingly come underlegal scrutiny on a variety of constitutional grounds
including freedom of speech, freedom of association, free-
dom of movement, and equal protection. Curfew laws are
often attacked as being too vague or too broad and, thus,
are sometimes held unenforceable because they forbid
legal acts. Of particular importance is whether statistical
evidence indicates that youths commit more crimes or
become crime victims more often during the hours of the
curfew. The effectiveness of teen curfews in reducing
juvenile crime is currently being studied. Source: W. Ruefle and K.M. Reynolds, Keep Them at Home: Juvenile Curfew Ordinances in 200American Cities, American Journal of Police (1996); U.S. Dept. of Justice, Office of Juvenile
Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Curfew: An Answer to Juvenile Delinquency andVictimization, Juvenile Justice Bulletin (April 1996).Qutb v. Strauss, 11 F.3rd 488 (5th Cir. 1993).. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Question 7Are students allowed to prayat a public school?AnswerIndividual students are free to pray, expressreligious viewpoints, read the Bible, and have religious
discussions with other students, so long as they are not
disruptive or disrespectful of the rights of other students.
Students may also meet as a group for religious purposes.
Under the federal Equal Access Act, if a secondary school
permits extra-curricular student groups to meet during
non-instructional time, religious groups must be given
equal treatment. However, the Act does not allow teach-
ers or other adults to lead the meetings, and courts have
ruled that students may not deliver a sermon to a captive
audience in a classroom or at a school-sponsored event. ?In addition, the U.S. Supreme Court has repeatedlyheld that prayers, including devotional Bible readings,
organized or sponsored by a public school, whether over
the public-address system, in the classroom, or during
graduation ceremonies, violate the First Amendment of
the U.S. Constitution. Moments of silence, if used to
promote prayer, have been struck down by the courts.
A “neutral” moment of silence that does not encourage
prayer over any other quiet time has been upheld even
though some students may use it as a religious moment.Source: Charles Haynes & Oliver Thomas, Finding Common Ground: A First Amendment Guideto Religion and Public Education (Rev. ed. 1996).Engel v. Vitale, 370 U.S. 421 (1962); School District of Abington Township v. Schempp, 374 U.S.
203 (1963);Lee v. Weisman, 505 U.S. (1992); Wallace v. Jaffree, 472 U.S. 38 (1985).Facts About Children and the Law Children’s Rights5

According to the National HouseholdSurvey on Drug Abuse released by the U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services in August 1996, drug use
among teenagers has risen substantially over the past
four years after a 13-year decline. Marijuana use rose the
most dramatically, increasing by more than 4.8 percent
from 1992–95. There has also been an increase in inhalant
abuse, which refers to the inhaling of common household
products. A variety of studies have shown that nearly
12 percent of eighth grade students have experimented
with inhalants, and more teens have tried them than have
tried cocaine, LSD, and other illicit drugs.In addition, many types of substance abuse pose adanger to the health and well-being of children, including
not only illegal drugs but alcohol and tobacco as well.
While alcohol and tobacco are legal products for purchase
and consumption by adults, it is illegal for children to
purchase them. Alcohol use has increased among eighth, 10th, and12th graders. Between 1995 and 1996, the percentage of
eighth graders reporting daily use of alcohol increased from 0.7 percent to 1 percent, while the percentage of
eighth graders reporting having “been drunk” in the past
month increased from 8.3 percent to 9.6 percent. Twenty-
one percent of 10th graders and 31.3 percent of 12th
graders report having been drunk in the past month.
A related concern is the first increase in the number of
drunk driving deaths in the U.S. in more than a decade.
According to a study released by the National Highway
Traffic Safety Administration, alcohol-related traffic
accidents killed nearly 17,300 people in 1995, a 4 percent
increase from 1994.In addition, cigarette smoking continues to riseamong eighth and 10th graders, and remains at high lev-
els among 12th graders. Between 1995 and 1996, use of
cigarettes in the past month increased from 19.1 percent
to 21 percent among eighth graders and from 27.9 percent
to 30.4 percent among 10th graders. About one-third of
12th graders reported using cigarettes in the past month.
The percentage of 10th graders who smoked a half pack
of cigarettes or more daily increased from 8.3 percent in
1995 to 9.4 percent in 1996.Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Monitoring the Future (December1996).Drug199219941995Percent increasePercent increase1992–19951994–1995Any illegal drug5.3 %8.2 %10.9 %105 %33 %Marijuana3.46.08.214137Cocaine0.30.30.8166166Hallucinogens0.61.11.718354Table 3 /Percentage of 12- to 17-year olds who reported drug use at least one time during the month
preceding the surveySource: National Household Survey on Drug AbuseFacts About Children and the Law Juvenile Justice14.

http://www.richland.org/youthprobation/html/so_your_child_is_out_of_contro.htm

Many teenagers try drugs and alcohol on an experimental basis for a variety of reasons. Such experimentation does not mean that your child is chemically dependent. It is important to address the issues of drug and alcohol by talking with your child and by providing accurate information and educational materials. If you suspect or have reason to believe that your child is ingesting drugs and/or alcohol, you may seek appropriate intervention by calling DISTRICT II ALCOHOL AND DRUG PROGRAM, 209 2nd Street SE, Sidney, MT, 433-4097 or MRC ADDICTION SERVICES, 1405 4th Street SW, Sidney, MT 488-7966. You may need to discuss your concerns with a trained professional chemical dependency counselor. In addition, area schools provide educational and other drug and alcohol related programming for students. For more information on these programs, call the school's counselor or administrator.
There is no magic cure for the teen years and the problems families experience as their children strive to become healthy, well-adjusted adults. The number one goal of Montana's Youth Court Act is to preserve family unity and to that end, community resources are available. Parenting is hard work. It takes patience, love, communication skills, and getting involved with your child both alone and in family activities. It means expressing appreciation, love, caring, and belonging. It means setting reasonable, clearly defined, age-appropriate limits, rules and consequences for your child. It means effectively and consistently following through and enforcing those rules and limits. If you have any other questions, please contact:

Youth Court Probation Office,
201 West Main, Sidney, MT 59270 ,
Richland County Courthouse, Ground Floor, 406-433-3011

Teenagers are running away from home, dropping out of school, having babies, taking drugs, committing suicide, and going to jail for violent crimes. This program discusses normal adolescence and today’s too-frequent scenarios: a juvenile delinquent whose drug use led him to criminality; an eighth-grader whose drug use completely altered his personality; a young girl who became severely depressed because of work, school, and familial pressure; a teenage rape victim who ran away from home, attempted suicide, and became addicted to drugs. The program presents a five-question quiz to help others determine whether a child is in need of help; discusses how society is attempting to deal with troubled kids by means of the school and the legal systems; and offers an inside look at a group therapy session, where parents and kids tell emotion-packed stories of their struggles. (25 minutes)
Item#: BVL2384
Copyright date: ©1988
ISBN Number: 1-56950-058-4
http://www.films.com/id/3119/Kids_Out_of_Control.htm

http://www.webmd.com/content/article/100/105844.htm
Is Your Family Out of Control?

Experts say bringing back discipline is key to getting well-behaved kids. By Sherry Rauh
WebMD Feature Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

I hope this helps.
If I knew what state you live in I could find you some better answers, more state specific.