Same sex marriages / partnerships bringing up adopted children.?

Question

Do you think they work, do you think that there is a lack of mother figure or father figure, and do you think the kids will rip them to shreds at school?

Some very good answers from both sides of the fence.
Apart from raymo 51 who is just plain rude and a bit of an ****. Present day prejudices will always last forever. You are living in a dream land if you think any kind of intolerance will be removed from our society for ever. I only asked this question because a boy at school had same sex parents and he was ripped to shreds - poor lad, and his elder sister was taught all men are bad and cannot be trusted. Bullying will always happen, and I mean always. By phone, text, email, mental physical whatever. Always.

Answer 1

well, i have to admit to being biased in this because im in a same sex relationship, so i wont give an opinion, just some cold hard fact. im a psychologist & as such i happen to have a fair amount of knowledge of the effect of different environments on children as they grow up. this is a big issue so there has been an incredible amount of research into this and it has been shown time and again that the sexuality of your parents does not affect your own sexuality. children reared by gay partnerships have no more chance of being gay than those reared by straight partnerships. however, if either parent has a negative attitude towards the opposite sex, this will affect the childs attitude. this is not restricted to gay parents, it could easily be a straight parent, male or female, who has had relationship problems which have affected their outlook.
additionally, a child who has a problematic relationship with a parent may form a negative view of all members of that sex, the classic example of this is very authoritarian fathers who make their children wary of all men. again, this is unaffected by the sexuality of that parent.
finally, the vast majority of research suggests that it is children who are 'between parents' who have the most problems. this refers to situations where the parents are separated and the kids spend time with each parent separately. in this situation the children often end up trying to meet two sets of expectations, have to abide by two sets of rules depending which parent they are with etc.
having said all that, those who are against same sex relationships will always find 'evidence' to back up their prejudice. one thing i have learned is that statistics are easily manipulated- anyone who doubts that only has to look at politics. its all in how the argument is presented & half a story can be very convincing.

Answer 2

There is no right or wrong answer to this one!

Regardless of peoples personal opinions it is concieveable that a child can be brought up in a same sex partnership environment. It has been done.

If any one watches Wife Swap USA you may remember the episode in which the swap involved a same sex male couple raising 2 girls. These 2 girls were obviously very happy with their lives and their parents and also they were well adjusted stable and mature children. Even the wife who came into their home as a homophobic mother herself with a totally different outlook, approach and attitude towards gay people and the same sex parenting issue.

People may argue that there is a lack of nurturing due to their being a lack of a particular mother or father figure but this is not necessarily the case.

If children are raised to appreciate good moralisitic values and a level of respect for one another then they will grow that way. Therefore it is parenting skills in general that are subject to how a child turns out and not the fact that it is a mixed sex or same sex couple doing the parenting.

If it was the case that same sex partnerships do not give a child all they need how do you explain the way some children turn out in mixed sex partnerships?

I could go on and on with this issue. So I think I will leave it there.

Answer 3

Children need a mother and a father figure, not just one that thinks he's a woman or she's a man. I'm also concerned about how other children would treat this child once they figured out the childs "parents" are gay. Children are the most cruel creatures on the planet.

I realize it can be argued that it's "better than a single mother or a single father", or it's "better than the children staying in the system", but even with a single parent, there's much less in the way of confusion of the child and cruelty by other children. Children need to grow up realizing the differences in gender, and being able to relate.

My general feeling about it is you revoked your right to parenthood if you are in a same sex relationship. I don't have a problem with civil unions or living together or any of that other stuff, but it's too touchy to allow gay "families" to adopt.

Maybe if they were willing to provide foster parenting for early teenagers, I would be ok with it. They're old enough to understand what the dynamic is and why it's that way.

Answer 4

Any loving relationship between whatever gender parents is better than one where there are fights, or constant quarrels or physical violence.
Lack of a certain sex role-model is quite a problem; there are so many single Mums facing this; and, increasingly, single dads too. But they work it out with a lot of love and honesty.
Kids will taunt their peers for being different in any way in school; teachers are becoming much aware of that problem now and trying to teach the kids that everyone is different (Annie has blue eyes, Jacob brown; etc.) and that there is nothing wrong with being different.
If the teachers don't have time for this, they aren't doing their job well.
Adopted children have additional emotional baggage to take through life with them. They have special needs to begin with.
It is very tough, but not impossible.
All parenting is tough, but I would say this scenario must be one of the toughest. But could still work.

Answer 5

Single parent familes with either a mother or a father can work, so why shouldnt they? Of course the kids will rip them to shreds, thats what kids do, but im sure there are other things that they could poke fun of too, we cant all be wrapped in cotton wool, and we just have to educate our children with what they should do under those circumstances and maintain an openly communicable relationship with them. The important thing to remember here is that the adoption process is much tougher most of the time than conceiving the way heterosexual couples do so these people must REALLY want to have children and they must prove they are emotionally and financially stable enough to do so.

Answer 6

Nope, they can't force churches who do not agree with homosexuality to perform gay marriage ceremonies. The current debate is about civil marriage- the ceremony performed to ensure the marriage is legal- rather than a religious ceremony. It would be nice for America to have a choice for gay people like it does for straight people, where they have to sign the register but they can do that at church or at the town hall (or somewhere similar). It's pretty unlikely that a gay couple would want to get married in a church where the congregation did not approve of their relationship- if they wanted a church wedding they would go somewhere that was okay with gay marriage in the first place. Saying that you feel homosexuality is a sin is not very nice, but it's someone's right to say that- free speech means that someone can say they do not approve of homosexuality and those of us who disagree can say that we think homosexuality is okay. That's what free speech is supposed to be anyway- everyone can talk but also be criticised for what they have said. It would only be a hate crime if that person was harassing gay people or going out of their way to hurt them. Quite honestly, I don't think gay marriage is such a big deal. We have gay marriage where I live(England), but it's called a civil union. I don't see why it can't be called marriage really as it is the same thing, but hey, gotta keep everyone happy. Anyway, it hasn't messed up our country (that's the government's fault, heh) and nobody is forced to marry another dude or anything :P Everything worked out just fine.

Answer 7

Same sex partnerships are not suitable for bringing children up really. In my experience as a trustee of a children's charity where we place children in families for the purpose of the children having a home to grow up un. My exit polls (when children are 18 and can live independently) show that the children are glad they were looked after, but very few feel they were treated just like the normal family children. Adopted children are never like yours. Step children are the most abused.

The ideal is to teach the natural parent to look after own children.

Having two female parents or two male parents will proove to be a socially expensive fad which is curerently meant to silence the critics of such life styles as lesbianisn or homosexuality, but the children will suffer in the long run.

Adoptees are best in as normal a setting as possible. Having same gender parents is not normal in any way.

This view is not a staement on the viability of same gender relationships, but just on the plight of children placed in them.

Answer 8

Here's all you need to know, children react in life to what they are taught, the lessons they learn and the love the recieve. If a same sex couple can do this then go for it, they'd probably be more accepting and non-judgemental for it. A freind of mine is gay and has a kid he see's every weekend, the kid calls both his real dad and his dad's partner dad, and he has a mum but she doesnt take much notice tot he kid and the kid says it better to have gay dads as it is more peopel for him t play football with and do guy stuff with...he's only 8, so no it doesn't matter about who raises the child or the orientation f the parents but how they raise their child.

Answer 9

I have an aunt who about 5 yrs ago was wondering the same thing. She and her partner have now been together for about 10 yrs and recently got married. They were wanting a child together but had many many questions. Finally they did it and adopted about 2 yrs ago. Their child is now 5 and doing great. Has not effected her at school (yet) or anywhere for that matter. Of course there are people who look down on my aunt and her partner (but there will always be), but they ignore it and have had no problems.
I also know of a gay couple who one of them had already had a child and together have been raising this boy for years now, he is in high school. I know him having gay parents had effected him at first, he was embarrassed and when it did come out in the open he had those few fellow-students who made fun of it, but it eventually blew over and he's gotten over his embarrassement and no one says anything anymore.
I honestly think that everyone should be entitled to the same opportunities life can bring us. If you are capable of taking care of children and know you can provide for them and love them just like any other parent, then i say 'go for it', if that's what you both want...why not???
Of course there may be some obsticles along the way, yours may be different from others, but everyone has them. But just focus on your family and it will pass.

Answer 10

I don`t mean to be rude but i do not agree with same sex partnership/marriages bringing up children . There is an enormous chance the child would be ripped to shreds at school , but its not fair of me to say that as i am not a lesbian and don`t know how i would feel regarding kids if i was .