2006-09-11 02:29:44 · 11 answers · asked by fivefeet_fine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
u need to have a sit down w/ur husband and let him know how u feel. And with his permission u then need to have a sit down w/his children and let them know ur not trying to replace their mom but that u love their father and them and u would like to be a part of their life as well...
spend time w/them also, that might ease things a lil
2006-09-11 02:32:21 · answer #1 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has a lot of guilt feelings over his divorce. Some divorced men have can have a lot of guilt feelings about their children not growing up in an intact family.
Regarding the children being disrespectful, it will take him working with you to make it stop. However, odds are if he has guilt feelings over the divorce that he will not do much about them being disrespectful towards you.
An idea is to have a good conversation when the children are not around on this topic. If nothing is resolved, it is time for marital counseling.
2006-09-11 03:01:16 · answer #2 · answered by dawncs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in the WORLD!
....and you didn't notice this prior to marriage? Did he hide his children and his relationship with them from you prior to you saying " I do"... Or did you think this situation would change after marriage? PLEASE!!!!
Basically... what you see is what you get. The children disrespect you because you allow it. Regardless of what your husband says don't you know that you are an adult and if you don't command respect you won't be given any..... by ANY ONE!
Now..regarding the children you must ask yourself the question? Who's the adult? and would you be inclined to put up with this type of behavior from your own children? If the answer is no... then regardless of how your husband chooses to handle the children... you must take charge of the situation for yourself if nothing else. In short... PUT THOSE CHILDREN IN CHECK.... WITH A QUICKNESS. No need to yell or scream... just be "matter of fact" and extremely firm. Carry out the decisions you make concerning them as well as their behavior/attitude toward you and by all means... DONT BACK DOWN. Don't be a PUNK and don't let them PUNK you... because they can tell when adults are weak and whimpie... Make sure you are at ALL TIMES consistent and in control of what you say and do. Communicate with your husband, let him know that you respect, honor and love him however, you will not ever be placed in a situation where "children" are out of control and are allowed to be disrespectful toward you... not even the ones you may/may not have...
Marriage/family counseling is a must here and guidelines and rules need to be firmly established and put into practice. They should be agreed upon by both of you. Don't allow these children to separate the both of you or try and play one of you against the other. A STRONG sense of unity is needed between the both of you. If you don't get cooperation from your husband on this, they WILL try drive a wedge between you both. Divide and conquer is a sure fire method for children who are allowed to behave this way. A second divorce will certainly loom on the horizon for you both.
While it's too late to consider what you were getting into... it's not too late to draw the line as to what's important in a marriage. Children "DO NOT" come first in a marriage. It should ALWAYS be the husband/wife relationship... and then the children.
Your husband needs to get his priorities straight and stop trying to over compensate his children by spoiling them and also allowing his children to trip out by being disrespectful. He's unwittingly setting them up for failure as adults. What are the chances he's spoiling them based on his own unresolved issues? or the fact that he may be trying to make up for what he seems to be sorely lacking in the parenting skills department. Spoiling children is lazy parenting... PERIOD!
They are actually your children now too... because when you said "I do" you and this man became one... so... Get it together and work that mess out.
2006-09-11 03:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by 247 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's what you get for remarrying too quickly. Eight months after divorce AND you still love the man you left? geesh.
Suck it up - you've made your bed, so lie in it.
2006-09-11 02:34:16 · answer #4 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you already do but try to love them and show them you love them in everyway you can, then they will love you back and not disrespect you. I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it sucks. But I will always think that love is the cure in families.
2006-09-11 02:35:08 · answer #5 · answered by lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get you a paintball gun! everytime their bad pop them with a paintball, show them you can fight back, and after getting hit in the back of the head a couple of times let me tell you, their attitude will change
2006-09-11 02:56:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them your just going to the store and don't go back
2006-09-11 02:45:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he better get them kids under control or your outta here.
2006-09-11 02:53:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage and family counseling
2006-09-11 02:37:59 · answer #9 · answered by Questions&Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-11 02:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋