my husband can be a royal pain on any day if i try to help him with anything he tells me to bug off leave him?

Question

alone to do it well he can sit in front of something for 2 hours and still hasn't gotten the item yet i offer him some more help then he tells me to leave him be he needs no help from no one in 1999 he was diagnosed with depression and he has other problems to boot as well we been married now 20 years but he acts like he is single cause he don't need anyones help for anything yet he can tell you what to do i have had to deal with his behavior the past 7 years when he was 15 he fell through the roof hurt his back he plyed sports he has pains in his legs he has other aches and pains plus add depression, he has anxiety disorder, he gets paranoid alot, and is angry all the time he is now 41 so how much worst can this get he is always complaining every day several times a day i feel he is worst then a old person it is driving me up a wall he is on medications for his mental illness but not working doctors say give it time well how long i don't no but i know i can't take much more

Answer 1

Get out and enjoy life while you still can. Even if you stay married to him, find things to do that will leave you little to no time at home with him.

Answer 2

If he really is mentally ill, then there is likely a specific line of logic and reasoning that he is using to justify acting the way he is. The first step to finding out how to help him is understanding the problem. You likely will not be able to find the root cause unless you instigate an argument and lead him questions so that he comes to the problem on his own.

While that sounds pretty difficult for any person to do, you have the distinct advantage of being married to him for 20 years so you could probably come up with a short list of things that a mentally ill person could interpret wrongly and become offended to at a level that he obviously feels is quite damaging to the relationship.

Perhaps before directly confronting him in an argument over an issue, you may want to alter your behaviour and posturing to be more submissive and sensative to his feelings. If this action alone changes his general attitude, I would recommend leaving the relationship. If he is becoming more solitary and your submission to him causes him to show affection then there is a high probability that his mental illness has increased to an unsafe level.

In any case, carefully document all of his actions and decisions that you think are a result of the mental illness for the next time you visit his doctor. If he isn't going to be seeing the doctor soon, then schedule an appointment for you to visit his doctor after documenting his behaviours for a couple of weeks in order to show the doctor specific examples of how the medication is not working as it should.

Answer 3

After turning 40, his chances of suicide have gone up by 1600%. It does take time for medications to take effect, but it also has to be the right medications. They may need adjustment, or he may need to be on something else. Check the Men's Health Network for useful info.

Monitor him and watch for behavior that can be clearly deemed as self destructive or harmful to others. Check with county mental health on what is needed for a forced commitment.

I know this is hard, my 3rd wife has bipolar disorder. I had to have her committed, and even then, not allow her to come back home until she got it through her head that taken her medications has to be a life style, not just a choice. Is there any men in his family, or that he works with, who will help make him listen?

I'm sorry I can't be of more health, but know this, I have been there. Ten years ago last month I tried suicide. For my 40th birthday, my second wife filed divorce to be with someone much younger, also to her. Further, a bunch of attorney pulled a hostile takeover of the non-profit group I had built up in four years and was heading towards $1 million in annual donations, none of which being higher than $100. It all caught up to me.

Answer 4

Hi, I m deeply touched by YR problem, U have 2 understand that 2 help a depressed person out of it, U have 2 B very patienceful. U try 2 talk with him about his best hobbies,likings etc. If he responds 2 U with positive term then U have 2 talk him out of depression with some positive stories or good thing about life,God if he believes in one?
Try not 2 disturb him when U guess that he is most disturbed, this U can know now as U R living with him 4 20 yrs.
If U know about Indian Yoga then try it.
Bye and best of life

Answer 5

This has very little to do with his injuries and everything to do with his depression. You obviously care about him, otherwise you wouldn't have stck with him for this long or decided to write this message. You have to decide if you want to invest more time in this person, or if you should call it quits.

If you do spend more time on him you need to get him some effective therapy. That won't come from the medical proffession, but more likely from a hypnotherapist. You need someone who can get straight to the root core of his problems. My guess is that something else happened to him as a child. Those issues need to be explored and cleaned up. Once that's taken care of he'll be a nicer person and more well adjusted. You may even find you love him.

In the meantime, if he won't take advice and address these issues, then get going and move out. Life is simply too short. It won't help you or your children (or him) to live in this way. All it does for children is suggest that it is acceptable to waste your life. All it does for you is waste your life, and all it does for him is to allow him to think it's OK to hurt you in this manner.

Deciding to get on with your life is the hardest thing you ever have to do. It was the best thing I did (after 16 years of marriage) for both myself and my former wife.

Good luck.

JFS

Answer 6

Maybe you need to make an appointment with his doctor and tell him, or her about all of your concerns and observations. With depression the patient really cannot state how their behavior is, and so a person who is witness to the whole situation is useful in helping to let a physician know. A patient can only state how they feel. Make a doctor aware of the concerns you have and maybe a medication change is necessary. If your husband gets upset with this, let him know that if you didn't love him you wouldn't bother with his problems.

Answer 7

He needs a good counsellor, not pills. Try to tell him that he needs to talk to someone to start feeling better. If he doesn't get help he will certainly get worse. The things that caused his problems are not going to go away by taking medicines. He needs to talk and rage about it if possible, but not with you.Look after yourself. His behaviour would grind anyone down after a while. The depression won't help his aches and pains either. The body affects the mind and vice versa. Good luck!

Answer 8

So BUG OFF already......... the man has told you repeatedly, you must not be very 'helpful' in a way he can accept. You might be overbearing, and making his depression and self esteem worse, telling him he can't do anything right, since you're so willing to "fix" his mistakes!
Be kind, be gentle and GIVE him the space he's screaming for! Just be close by IF he wants you.
If you can't handle it, then get out of his life and get on with yours.
Depressed people in pain are grumpy...... must you be too?

Answer 9

Your husband is a loser. He will always find something to complain about. If he got a job he wouldn't be so obsessed with his aches and pains. Everybody has a cross to bear. I guess he's yours. Sorry about your luck. My advice. Leave his sorry ***.

Answer 10

Yes, there are medications and other treatments for depression that work. If he isn't willing to aggressively seek a solution, however, there's nothing you can do. You should consider leaving to make yourself happy, since you will never be able to make him happy. That is up to him.