How can I get my husband to spend more quality time with the children?

Question

He works really hard but I feel he's missing them grow up.

Answer 1

In addition to talking the problem over with him, try taking some of the weekend house work off of him specifically for the purpose of him going to an activity with just him and the children. That way there are no excuses.

Answer 2

Unfortunately a lot of fathers miss out on their children growing up and an increasing rate of mothers too. My partner missed our first two children's first years because of work and as a result our eldest would not go near him until she was 3! Since our last child was born he has had a lot of time at home and has loved it but will soon be returning to work. He as vowed that even though he will not be spending much time at home anymore the time he does send will be better than before.

Try to get your bloke to focus on quality rather than quantity of time. It will be these bits that the children will remember when they grow up.

Answer 3

Short of just nagging him (which is probably the most common yet ineffective method)- he needs some 'alone' time with them. So- negotiate with him a time, perhaps on a weekend when he's not working, that you need a break or a short vacation.

Help-plan some activities or a short trip that he can take the kids on- and let him know that you're otta' there and he's in charge.

you'll want this to be a positive experience for him and the kids- so plan this so he'll have success and a good time with them. Don't set him up for failure- like sending him out the door with the kids, but without some critical tools of the trade (like games for the car, or a favorite teddy bear)

Answer 4

Caught in a terrible rat race, many parents - especially fathers - make this big mistake of not spending meaningful time with their children. In many families where fathers are away at work for long hours, mothers are forced to double up as fathers too and this puts an additional strain on the mothers.
The best thing you can do is to talk to your husband. But talk to him when he is relaxed and is in a good mood. Make him realise that the children miss him and want to spend more time with him. Get him to reorganise his work and domestic chores and reserve at least alternate weekends to spend time with the kids. Plan a family outing together - dining, shopping, visiting some place of interest etc - and get your husband to keep talking and interacting with the children at such occasions. At the same time make the children understand that their father has lots of care, love and affection for them. Don't allow the children to compromise their love and respect for their father.

Answer 5

Try planning some activities that he enjoys, and involve the children. Think of some creative ideas to get time in. You can't grip and growl about a hard working man not wanting some quite time or some alone time when not putting in all of the hours, but I know how you feel and want him to be involved and enjoy the growing up phase of childhood, and laugh, smile, and be close to the children. Be careful how you word the time, or activities that you want to do. Please don't start a guilt issue, or a pushy aproach to this. There does not need to be an argument started, because it will only bring another issue to the table, that will be harder to rekindle than the main one.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

i dont have all the answers but what i think would be the best option would be to sit down with him and talk to him about it, the thing is u might get 2 responses from him : firstly he might feel attacked by u cos u r touching a very sensitive topic, remember he is working to put food on the table and he wants to provide for his family that he really cares about and loves....: secondly he could take what u say to him to heart and then understands that u feel that it is more important that he spends a bit more time watching ur children grow with a father than miss the most important thing cos 1 day it is gonna be to be to late and then they r all grown up.
It is most probably gonna take take alot from ur part to help him understand where u r coming from and u must be there for him, and dont attack him cos that just gonna make things more complicated.
I hope this helps cos i have seen it before

Answer 7

Let the kids ask him about spending more time doing something they want to do. If the initial suggestion comes from you, it can be perceived as nagging.

I think most men are afraid of the responsibility or that they won't know what to do or say with a kid for more than a few minutes at a time. If they make it a once a month thing, it's not so much pressure and can lead to more outings.

If you have a girl, perhaps he could take her on a once a month "date."

If you have a boy, perhaps he can plan a trip to a football game.

If that's too much, perhaps he can start with tucking them in at bedtime, anything to get some one on one time. It can lead to more.

Answer 8

Involve him. Let him know you realise that he works hard, but so do you.

It is important for children to have the input of both parents, as a school governor I see too many cases where Mum is the one who goes to parents evenings, deals with the homework crisis, attends govenor panels if the child runs into problems with dicipline and Dad is no where to be seen.

Do things as a family - my children loved something which we all did, even if it was a game of scrabble or all trying to play a piece of music together on all our different instruments.

You do not say how old your children are - are there hobbies or activities your husband does to which he can take one or more of them?

Most of all let him know how you feel and support him - showing him that you and the children too need his support in everyday things.

Answer 9

In our house we have family day. Every Sunday we do nothing but be a family. No one goes to a friends house, no one mows the lawn. We do things as a family all day. The rest of the week I made the rule that both my husband and I need to have 15 minutes of time with each boy. The trick is once you sit down for that 15 minutes you can tear yourself away :) It's a great reminder to me too. Since I sometimes get caught up in laundry and work. Good luck, it's hard to make time for everything. But maybe reminding your hubby that he can work his whole life. But your kids are only this little one time and that's it

Answer 10

Personally, i have started to pay more attention to my daughter. When she was born i was fine with running around, then became rather exhausted because of work too, then sort of gave up for a while. After a while i didnt even know what to do with her (playing wise), but i soon learnt to be with her more as she didnt want to be with me much and it hurt a lot. I hope your husband is just having the same problem as me in that he doesnt know what to do and thus ignores there is a problem. Tell him to do things together and after a while he will realise what is going wrong.