What's the best way to get a mother-in-law to get off you back?

Question

I know my mother-in-law hates me but my husband can't see it.

Answer 1

Pretend you don't notice her nasty tricks and actions, she'll eventually get fed up trying to make your life miserable.

Answer 2

I was wondering why "Yahoo Team" did not consider having this "mother-in-law" as a separate category !
Face the mother-in-law, to get her off your back !
Mind you, no hate within you, since , whichever way you look at it, know well that your husband was, and is a part of her, and rejecting her means effectively rejecting a part of husband !
The freedom of action is not related to nurturing any dislike !
But the anxiety of mother about care to her son is what creates the proverbial adversity with daughter-in-law !
A little bit of patience ( already a gift to womanhood) , open-ness to discussing the commonality of goal , would promote mutual respect, accommodation, recognising each other's limitations, rights, privileges etc !

Answer 3

One of the things that you need to decide is... if nothing changes, is this how you want live your life?

Maybe your husband sees it, but just doesn't know what to do. I mean she's his mother and you are his wife... you are both very important people to him. Maybe he just doesn't want to get in the middle and agitate anything by what he might say or do. Maybe he sees taking sides and defending on of you or the other as choosing one of you over the other.

If you're going to stay in your marriage, it sounds like you're just going to have to deal with it. Limit your contact with her as much as possible, be polite when you can't avoid her. Remember that it's a whole family you're dealing with and not just one person.

I have a sister-in-law who gets on my last nerve. Really, if I had a chance to slap the woman, I probably would jump at it. But I know that there is a whole family here that I don't want to bother with my troubles. I don't want to make family gatherings awkward for everyone else just because this woman is annoying. But I know that as much a I don't like her, I love my husband and I want him to be happy. I don't want to alienate us from his family by being anything less than polite to this woman.

Just some things to think about...

Answer 4

As she's your husband's mother, you'll have to get on with her as best you can.

Maybe explain to her that your husband/her son chose you as his wife and therefore, you'd like to get on with her better. Maybe suggest a coffee and chat to help you get over your differences.

If she is interferring too much (with bringing up your kids or in your home), you should explain that although she's 'done it all before' you are the mother/wife this time and you will decide how best to do things in your own home.

Try and maybe take some of her advice on board so that she doesn't feel ignored. Do whatever you can so that your husband does not feel stuck in the middle.

Answer 5

I agree with every one who says be nice to her. It will probably be the hardest thing you ever have to do, and she will think she's 'won'
but you will know that you are the bigger and stronger person.

But while you're being nice to her, deny her something you know she loves, like maybe time with the grandchildren. Always come up with a relly casual excuse as to why she can't see them.

Eventually she will want to know why she can't see them and this will set it up for a nice chat about her attitude and actions towards you, and how you don't want your children to pick this bad habit up. It will hurt her but will also hopefully hit home!

Good luck! My mother-in-law is just super irritating!

Answer 6

You need to act sickly sweet with her. Agree with what she says and accept all the criticism, but live your life your own way.

You can tell her whatever she wants to hear and then when you are away from her you do what is best for you and your husband.

It is what you call a win-win situation.

Remember, she used to be the woman in her son's life until you came along. So just let her think that she still holds some power in her son's life.

Answer 7

Get her alone and tell her to her face exactly what you think of her. Tell her to sit down first, tell her you are going to say this once and once only. Tell her you are very grateful for all of the good things she has done for you, then give her the hard news straight. Make her understand this is not a discussion and that you do not want any comments from her, this is a one way, one on one session. When you have finished, get up and walk away.

Answer 8

Mother in laws can be absolutely wonderful. You are going to hate this but.....Be nice to her.

Ask her opinion on something. Make time for her to be alone with her son without you. Involve her in your family on your terms not hers.eg specific invitations for something not just wandering in uninvited. Ask her to make something that you know your husband loves and then praise it publically.Button your lip when she makes comments aginst you and agree with them! eg "yes I am a hopeless cook but I make really good muffins and I am learning!" Complement her on something. You will throw her completely and she will have to change her behaviour too.

The think why is it you think she hates you? What triggers it? what are you contributing to the situation by your behaviour? IS it really your self esteem?

Answer 9

An previous cliche': "whilst in Rome, do by using fact the Romans do." Or, stay domicile. some human beings have not found out or have been raised to have manners, type or tactfulness. there is protocol in each and every factor in existence. for people who do no longer, overlook approximately them whilst they communicate in a different tongue - whether you do understand what they are saying. keep in mind - they chosen the drawback without encouragement from every person. enable them to polish of their loss of know. Peace and advantages (((Bansi)))

Answer 10

For every time she's around eat something that you are allergic to- tell your husband it's his mother's present that send your nervous system into shock and it causes you to break out in hives. Don't forget to become weak and helpless. Don't forget to scratch profusely. Don't forget to smile and say everything is going to be OK over and over again to your husband and Mother-in-law. LOL! that might do the trick.
usually i charge- for you it free, it going to be Halloween soon...

Answer 11

Most people irritate and annoy just to get a rise out of you. Try to ignore her as much as possible. My mother-in-law was never mean to me, but she's a little on the nutty side. She would call every day to talk about EVERYTHING for two hours. I stopped answering my phone . . . told her I wasn't around my phone when she called. Now, she doesn't call me anymore. :)