why did i do it?

Question

i used to suffer with depression quite badly and thought i had got out of the weird things like od'ing and hurting mysel, me and my husband had a blazing row on the weekend and i cut both my wrists well badly and every direction. i dont think i wanted to kill myself but something came over me and i couldnt help myself.

Answer 1

From the sounds of it, the blazing row is what set off the urge to self injure. You didn't delve into whether or not you used to take something for your depression, although, I doubt that would make a difference unless you are still on them. How did you feel before the row? Was there a change in how you felt or didn't feel after you fought? Did you cut yourself to feel something other than the anger from the fight? Did you feel anger? Was it just sort of an empty feeling? Sometimes people who self injure want to feel something other than the nothing after a fight or something that should bring joy.

If you have a doctor that you trust or someone you do trust you need to talk. Maybe find a good counselor and have a chat with them.

Make sure you keep your cuts cleaned and dry, don't over it with the peroxide but do use some bacitracin (a good antiseptic cream) on your cuts. Watch for infection and when it heals a bit more use viatmin E oil on it for scaring. If you need to chat email me. Hang in there.

Answer 2

Cutting can be for a variety of reasons. In truth though, it is rarely about wanting to kill yourself, and more about needing to somehow manage the myriad of emotions that washes over you when something stressful happens. Sometimes when you cannot sit with the feelings and work out what they are, you can reach for a blade and know that it will give you some type of release. The release is a temporary escape though, and the feelings will come back again, sometimes even stronger.
It is also true that a minority of self harm is due to a need not being met, a way of showing someone how much they hurt you - that you would need to do that to yourself to compensate.
My best advice is to tell your husband how bad you felt after the argument. Then call up your therapist (or get a therapist) and start working through what is going on in your life just now to make this problem start to occur again.
Good Luck, you can weather this storm and be happy again.

Answer 3

when people are depressed something in their body changes. Have you ever expierenced this, you just hurt yourself, you cut your finger, if you add more pain, or a new pain your mind will not concentrate on the old pain. I guess some people can cope better with physical paint wether than mental pain. Cutting yourself will cause you to think of the pain your in and to worry about that, and not your problems, the new problem with that is you could die...now thats a problem. Something in your past hasn not been fully resolved in your heart. It could be simple it could be very complex but nethertheless it was unresolved and it has effected you. Or maybe nothing like that has happened, maybe you just thought cutting yourself would make the pain go away...it doesn't though...i delt with depression...the problem is, I never show'd it. I would only be staring at the ceiling for hours before i could fall asleep. I dont want to go into what i was depressed about, but all i can say is even though i didnt understand the issues, I just decided to accept them and since that point, depression has not been with me. I hope that you find yourself able to find peace. Good luck.

Answer 4

Are you punishing yourself for something? Do you have some unfinished stuff from childhood that you need to look at and resolve? I know that some people who cut themselves do so because they feel the need to punish themselves for being sexually abused as children. (though it's NEVER their fault, they feel as though they were bad to have had it happen to them. [Perhaps because there is an element of pleasure involved] ) However I'm not saying that is the case with you but there must be some reason why you OD'd etc. You would be rewarded by investigating why you do this. Maybe a counsellor would be available where you live. Choose one you feel OK with though, you don't have to accept the first one you find. Please keep away from psychiatrists. They are very dangerous. (I was going to be one once, until I found out how terrible what they are doing is!)
You could give peer-group counselling a go. Re-evaluation Counselling has a website with information at http://www.rc.org

Answer 5

This is pretty serious. You wouldn't want something to go wrong, and end up doing something irreversible to yourself.

I've suffered from depression in the past, although I'm not a self-harmer. I tried various prescriptions, but the thing that made a complete difference to the way I saw the world, and myself, was having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It really helps you to examine your responses and check to see whether they're rational or not. It completely turned my baseline mood around because I started thinking rationally about my emotions.

If you live in the UK, you can get a short course of CBT on the NHS. Ask your GP and explain your history - it really isn't worth going through it when all it would take is a little time each week to talk to a professional, perhaps one who could turn your whole outlook around.

Answer 6

If you are not sure if you wanted to commit suicide or not, you urgently need professional help. If you have a history of cutting in the past and think this is a recurrence of this, you might benefit from a support group, such as http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html . However, again professional help is really the best option. For you to ask means you want to regain control which is a sign of strength. You need to find safer and more effective coping methods that give you real control over your life.

If your husband knew you cut yourself and did nothing you really need to assess whether this relationship is safe and healthy for you. A row bad enough to cause you to want to hurt yourself needs an outside referee.

Please take care of yourself.

Answer 7

No doubt. You need immediate professional help. Find a good Clinical Psychiatrist. You will be a different person after 6 months of treatment.
Don't wait.
Start the treatment as soon as possible.
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If you can't do it anyway, start taking Escitalopram (Cipralex®) (I am not encouraging self medication). Start at 10mg and increase to 15mg after 1 month if necessary. You can safely use upto 20mg per day. It may take upto 3 months for getting full benefits from the drug.

Answer 8

Hey you are not alone there are millions just like you. The best part you have already done; Recognized you need help. So go get help, and start a new life doing the things which keep you from hurting your self.
Don;t cut you, give him a good swift kick in the butt. it's good medicine, and cheaper, ya always kick the habit by kicking the cause.:):)see a doctor and best of luck

Answer 9

You just want some attention from someone - anyone but probably from someone that you care about. Maybe there are things you could not talk about or express properly with your husband. Doing those things may get his attention but he will not understand what your real problem is. He might end up confused and leave you alone as not to bother you. Then you might get more depressed. Things will freefall and you'll get deeper into your hallucinated world. Get to grips with reality. Life is hard, but we all live anyhow.

Answer 10

you should go to the doctors. My boyfrien was the same and if we had a dispute about any little thing he would take it literally and start cutting himself. The only way he was able to stop was when he went to the doctors and they diagnosed him with depression. They gave him some anti depressents wich didnt make him happy but helped to clear his head so he could think about what he was doing before he actually done it.
Its worth trying your doctors. I hope this has helped you a little.
Hope you get sorted soon.
x x xx