in a desperate situation..need a lil' advice?

Question

i am 23 and currently in a 5 year relationship (hittin' 6 in a couple of months). It is serious as u would expect for a 5 year relationship. We have talked about marriage (but nothing too serious) and we both kinda decide to wait it out til' I at least finish my degree (which is in another 2 years time). But the thing is he is my first boyfriend & i haven't been with anyone besides him. And i often find myself fantasising/desiring someone else. I feel stuck in this relationship. Our parents/family/friends are all expecting us to get married soon-ish. And i cannot imagine telling him this. It would break his heart. I feel like i'm doomed to continue on this relationship. I guess doomed is a rather exxagerated word to use..but i really do feel that way. He treats me good..he even brought me a brand new car recently & I feel obliged to stay in this relationship. i'm scared that if i do break up with him i will never find someone as good as him..or even someone at all.

Answer 1

If you have been feeling the way you are, why in the hell did you even let the guy buy you a car. Of course its going to hurt the hell out of him if you break off now. He evidently cares a lot for you or he would not have bought you a car.
better get your head on straight and do some serious thinking, you may be desiring someone else and giving up the best thing you have.
So what is wrong with only having one boyfriend in your life. I'd say its better of you that way than to have laid with every man that came along.

Answer 2

Well, let's look at the facts, you were teenagers when you got together and now you are from the looks of it in college. Now, you aprently have considered the IDEA of marriage but not til YOU finish school, which is VERY smart. From this I gather that in high school, he was the first guy to approach you, and the reason you are looking around is that you realize you haven't seen any other guys. You havent' had the oppertunity to date other guys and that is what youa re looking for. your situation is different from most other girls. Most people don't have the good luck to hang on to a high school love this long. High school relationships don't last through college and then through the singles days and job searches. you entered the "real world" sort of a ltitle early, or what high school percieves to be the real world through high school at about age 16ish in a first relationship. That's pretty rare. I say forget the parents and friends. Examine the quality of the guy. Now that you know the facts, you need to examine the long term possibilities. You need to figure out if this wanderlust (that's what you are experienceg) is temporary or permant. Don't make any relationship descisions. If he's a good guy and really does treat you well and treat his family with respect and his business and takes school seriosuly, he's a keeper. How does he treat the waiters when you go out? does he tip well? what kind of vibes do you pick up? trust your gut, not your feelings. What kind of marriage will you have? Pretend for a minute no other men ont he planet exist. and that HE is the only one. Would you still have him? Seriously, picture it.

As for the car, if you deicide he's not for you, you will have to return that along with the engagemeent ring. If you deicde to stay with him, you get to keep both. I've heard of couples who have been together since high school. my grandparents were such a couple. But they were rare and that was back in the day. It does happen these days but not so much. The important thing is you and your boyfriend.

Answer 3

At 23, you still have a lot of changing to do. It's not likely that at 18 you have chosen the person who will grow the exact way you do for the rest of your life.

Getting over your first love is veeeery hard. The advantage is that you know how to choose, and you learn from each one. My girlfriends have always gotten better and better because of this. I broke up from a long term relationship when i was your age, and I wouldn't trade the life highs I've had since with other women for anything in the world.

At 23, even if it's a mistake to break up, you are so young, you have plenty of time to make mistakes, and come out on top!

Answer 4

The fear of being alone is hard to overcome. You aren't dead, it's completely normal to fantasize, and even find other men attractive. Feeling doomed, now that sounds a little scary. Maybe you are having cold feet, but it sounds like there might be a little more to it than that. You should sit down and discuss this with your boyfriend. He may be having the same feelings. Maybe you guys could take a break, give each other some space, and you might see the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Answer 5

obviously this is something you really need to think through. But you have to be totally honest with him, and yourself for that matter. Talk to him. Tell him some of your feelings. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to break it off. If you truly dont feel like you see a future with him, then maybe its time to move on. Maybe even talking about seeing other people will help. Explain how you feel. If he honestly loves you as much as it seems he may understand and feel the same way as well. Only you can make the decision but I do know where you are coming from. I was in a similar situation, we have been together for 9 years, married for 2 of them. Very happily I might add. If you need to talk more about it feel free to hit me up. :)

Answer 6

only you can answer your own question, listen to what your heart is telling you,
try to imagine how it would feel if he were not in your life anymore,never hearing,seeing,touching or feeling him around you. could you cope with that or does it feel ok?
i have been married to the same man for 31years, i was 15 when we met,married at 18, 3 children by 23, and yes i was his first girlfriend to,
there will always be the (what if's ) you will every now and then wonder if things could have been different, but the love and the bond still remain, there are times when you wish things were different but then the thought of not having him around outweighs all of that and you are happy to stay. but above all , you must do this for yourself and not for friends and family, it is your life not theirs.
i don't know if any of this will help you, but i do wish you the very best .
good luck

Answer 7

well...I was in a relationship for 5 years...same situation...we broke up and now everyone I have gone out with and gave a chance doesn't even come close to how good he was to me. He was just too grouchy all the time. I believe that I will someday find someone better and I think that you can too. If you are having second thoughts about being with someone else, that might not go away...talk to him it's always better now then later...the longer you wait, the more it will hurt you and him.

Answer 8

I had a five year relationship from 14 to 19 and a ten year relationship from 20 to 30, they both finished because I couldn't commit to the men, i was engaged to both but never wished to marry them, i changed a lot in both relationships for the better and simply outgrew them.

I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly 4 years and he is my soulmate and I now know this is true love, i would marry him if he asked but we are both happy as we are.

If you are unhappy or uncertain it is no use staying as eventually you could begin to hate each other, is he older? that may mean he is ready to settle down but you are still young, you have to go with what your heart and gut instincts tell you - Good Luck!!

Answer 9

You might not find anyone as good as that guy, to be honest I haven't read any posts from other women complaining about men that sound as nice as yours.

But, if you really aren't into him you are only prolonging the agony and making it worse the longer you let it go. If you know you don't want to marry the guy tell him now so he can find someone else to shower with his affection. And, give the car back when you do so that he can give that to the next gf.

Answer 10

Do you have friends and do they have boyfriends? How do they feel about their bf's compared to yours (minus the car thing). You have to get an idea of what is out there for you first. You may look at other dudes and think that you may like to try something else, but do you know what these other guys are like? Chances are, they are all dogs.....stay with your good man.