Allow me to provide some brief history about my mate. She is an only child from a very sheltered upbringing. Her parents lost a one-year old son a year prior to her birth, then were advised to abort her due to complications. She was born absolutely healthy and would be forever showered with profound love and seen as an angel by her immensely protective/smothering parents.
To this day (she's 28) she is 100% dependent upon her parents for financial AND emotional support. Subsequently, I feel that she's not been enabled to fully develop and frequently I see her as a spoiled 10-yr. old brat in a woman's body.
It is apparent that her emotional needs are met via the parents, and so she is incredibly independent in our relationship. I tend to be a romantic sentimentalist and am very expressive of my life (though not clingy or co-dependent). I frequently profess my love for her, send cards, etc. While she has professed hers for me, the expression is not fully reciprocal.
Read Part II
2006-09-11 00:39:39 · 8 answers · asked by DUSKnYOURembrace 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I readily accept that she's more relationally independent than myself, but I feel that I am competing with her parents for her time and attention. I simply don't feel that it's normal or healthy for someone entering their 30's to field cell phone calls from Mom a dozen times daily, spend almost all free time hanging out with parents, and continue to permit them to make any and all life decisions on her behalf.
Simply put, they have more or less cryogenically frozen their nuclear family with her remaining a child. She and her parents are completely happy, though we are learning how problematic this is in her relationships with significant others.
Many times she's elected to spend the evening watching movies with Mom instead of with me. She and Mom intimately discuss ALL details of our relationship (even the sex and such), which makes me a bit uncomfortable. Often our schedule is dictated by what Mom wants her/us to do at a given time, etc., etc., etc...
2006-09-11 00:50:17 · update #1
I shouldn't have to compete with my lover's family, as it is my traditional belief that children mature to leave the proverbial nest and then ultimately give themselves to their spouse-- building a life TOGETHER, merging as one... not merely one's family "adopting" their child's mate and possessively extending their family.
Again, we do share a genuine love, even though I tend to be the one expressing it more often. I am passionate by nature, while she's simply just not a mushy or romantic person. So, there is that all-too common disparity there in relationships.
In the year that we've been together I've broken up with her twice, and then what takes place is astonishing! She suddenly rediscovers that she loves me with a passion. My phones (home and cell) ring off the hook around the clock, I am bombarded with e-mails indicating that she "can't go on without me," "whatever it is, we'll make it work," "I love you like I've never loved another."... you get the picture...
2006-09-11 00:59:37 · update #2
Once her mom even called me several times in a day, pleading with me to take her daughter back... Both times I allowed myself to persist...
Then, sure enough, within a week we're back to the status quo with her lack of romantic zeal, her parents serving as the center of the universe, me being blown off for her to spend more time with Mom, her/our decisions being influenced by Mom, blah blah blah...
The meat of it all: She is a bright and beautiful woman whom I adore with all my heart. And, yes, we do share plenty of quality time... BUT! I am fearful that I am dealing with a somewhat pathological scenario of extreme family enmeshment that will continue to disgruntle me and cause me to feel more like this woman's "brother" in a Mom & Dad-driven family... instead of as her bf/husband...
Will she eventually leave the nest emotionally and grow to be an ideal lifemate for me? Or, is she ruined by her parents that refuse to let go of their angelic baby girl?
2006-09-11 01:07:13 · update #3
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2006-09-13 01:04:58 · update #4
Would like to read part ll as well...from the information you've given, it sounds like she and her family need counseling quickly. Separation anxiety can cause a whole bunch of problems for everyone involved. Not to be morbid, but what will she do with herself when her parents pass away? Until the family gets some professional help, if they ever do, I would back off for your own sake. This kind of emotional investment doesn't sound too healthy for you right now. Try talking to the parents if you get along with them, but be careful how you approach them. GOOD LUCK.
Just read part ll
boy does mom have the apron strings tied tight. Sounds like mom wants to be all and then some to the daughter, probably because of the circumstances of her birth, mom doesn't know how to let go and doesn't see the reasons she should. The daughter is comfortable in this role of "center of the universe" for her parents, she's probably thinking "why should this change, I get what I want when I want it".
As painful as it would be, I would walk away now, this is a no-win situation for you. It will only get more painful with more time invested on your part. Sorry.
2006-09-11 00:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being an only would just be normal for the parents to spoil here, although it is not their intentions.. Just doting and loving too much thats it. And that is their right as parents.
She is not to blame for being spoiled or for being so close to her mom.\
You have to adjust to this situation if you do really love her.. You are the intruder to the family and not she to you.
For since she loves you that much..
I am sure, you have to be the one to understand more of her with her love for you as your assurance and consolation that you will not be left out when you get married.
If you cannot adjust.. then better leave her alone and look for another girl who are more independent, which would then be easier for you to handle than this one..
2006-09-11 01:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by yulnores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi friends is how a lot kundli matching is authentic?i actually want a suitable answer because i'm slightly at a loss for words!My sister and her boyfriend kumdli does adventure because the boy is mangli and that i actually don't know what mangli means!yet they love one yet another actually for one and a 1/2 365 days.And the priest suggested that they can't get married as for a short era they're going to experience free yet her boy pal may have yet another existence with somebody else!My common sense says that kumdli matching isn't authentic yet slightly at a loss for words!Please help... thanks...
2016-11-26 00:49:56 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your trying to justify her behavior.To make excuses to make yourself feel better for what is missing in your relationship.At some point in life we become responsible for our own actions.As long as she is comfortable w/ her own interpersonal relationships,you are the one w/ the problem not her.If you aren't getting what you want,time to go.It's not her parents fault for her not being your ideal mate.They spoil her that's their prerogative.
2006-09-11 00:51:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so where is the second part dude? re u writing a novel here?
2006-09-11 00:43:20 · answer #5 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she's so dependent on her parents then drop her like a hot rock. because if you depended on your folks like that she would drop you.
2006-09-11 00:48:21 · answer #6 · answered by That Guy Drew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U THINK WE HV ALL THE TYME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT BUT SHE SEEMS ONE SERIOUS ***** GO ON
2006-09-11 00:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by Snifer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will read it as soon as i get it
2006-09-11 00:51:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋