Iv been with my boyf for 11months now and he says he cant stand the thought of me going to uni because there will be other lads there. Im not being big headed but i do get lots of men trying it on and he knows this which is the reason for his anxiety.Me reassuring him that i am not interested in other men becasue im not, and i really love him with all my heart, is just not enough.Why cant he just believe me??? hes very insecure too.
2006-09-10 23:25:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i know where your coming from, my girlfriend of 15 months goes at the end of the month, luckily its not a distant one,but there will still be other lads there, and i'm terrified of losing her to someone, but she said she needs me, she loves me, and doesn't want anyone else, Mr World could come along, but it wouldn't make any difference, cos i'm her mr world,i'm still worried to death, but i trust her, uni can, not always but can make or break a relationship, it depends on a few things i think, like open communication, more attention than usual, trust, love, i know its hard, but do what my grilfreidn did with me, be stern and say "listen, i've told you once, and i'll tell you again, i can say it untill i'm blue in the face, it'll never change, i love you, and just you, i cant help other lads being there, none of them are you, and its you i want, i love you, trust me on this, you have to trust me"
or you know, something along those lines
2006-09-10 23:39:14 · answer #1 · answered by me-jus-me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both seem very young and I'm afraid that this is one of life's tests which will either bond you together more strongly, or split you up. Going to uni is a very exciting time for you and he may feel left behind - he's obviously very insecure about your relationship. Try as you might, you'll never reassure him completely - there will always be an element of mistrust. It's up to him, in the end, whether he loves you enough to trust you. And it's up to you to either be faithful in the midst of temptation, or call it a day and have some fun while you're away from home. One thing you mustn't do, though, is spend all your time at uni worrying about him - get out and about and enjoy yourself - make new friends and work hard. It can be the best time of your life, but if you're clinging onto a distrustful relationship, you'll spoil it for yourself. Good luck!
2006-09-10 23:35:54 · answer #2 · answered by Roxy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately for you, his insecurities will not likely result in the two of you living happily ever after. I'm sure he cares for you very much, but if his insecurity is so bad that it overpowers his desire for you to prosper with the right education, then it is a sign of more control and distrust to come. One of the most essential parts of a relationship is trust. This trust means that you can go somewhere else, where other attractive guys are, and he knows that your feelings for him will mean even though those men will try, you won't care. You can only tell him, its not something that he can see, that's why the trust is so important. You may very well care very much for him, but remember, your education can lead to some of the most inspiring and passionate paths to life, and if he thinks that you should flat out not go, simply so that he can watch over you, your setting yourself up to be with a controlling person. insecurity leads to distrust, which leads to fear, which leads to acts to avoid the fear, which leads to controlling where you are, so that he does not have to fear. Trust is essential.
2006-09-10 23:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by jdrisch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the EXACT same predicament as you!... i go to uni but i still live at home , i just commute to uni each day... i met my bf a month after i started uni in my home city and we have been together the same time as you and your bf, im 20 and he is 25, and he is sooooo insecure its unbearable.
I start my 2nd year of uni in the first week of october and he is dreading it, he is finding it daunting as i get alot of male atttention and last year at uni, i had some guys wanting to go out with me knowing fair well i had a bf... my bf couldnt handle it and now is so scared that im going to cheat on him that we are arguing almost everyday.. im just going to take each day as it comes.
I understand you love your bf very much, but just see what happens, education is more important than any guy, i have to work hard this year and i dont need my bf doing my head in and throwing accusations at me, jus keep focused and show him you love him, if it doesnt work out there are plenty of people at uni to be friends with that will keep you preoccupied.
good luck.. ( i need it aswell ) x
2006-09-11 00:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you are 18 or so. The chances of you staying with any partner you currently know are slight...so he has a point; but he can't do anything about it.
Go to Uni. Enjoy all the experiences it has to offer. Learn, have fun, grow as a woman BUT BE SAFE.
The world is about to open up for you RUN through the door & don't look back!
2006-09-10 23:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im having the same problem with my gf. i dont think there is much u can do appart frm go and prove that they r the 1 u want 2 be with. and then hope they trust you after that!! gd luck at uni what ever u do!!
2006-09-10 23:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by jellyfairy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is more about how he views himself in your relationship. it sounds like he has low self esteem and as you sound attractive, he may be questioning whether he "deserves" to be with you. you need to address this, it isn't just about saying you won't cheat on him, you need to help increase his self esteem, remind him of all the things you love about him, explain you have chosen to be with him and no one else, and that he needs to trust you (tho it is the other men he likely doesn't trust) and remind him that you can keep in good contact, see him in the holidays, and you can email, text, phone and write.
good luck and try not to let it ruin your experiences with being at uni.
2006-09-10 23:34:02 · answer #7 · answered by Summer Rain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The insecurity stems from the attention he's seen you get.
Introduce him to uni friends and keep in touch.
2006-09-10 23:29:44 · answer #8 · answered by SledgeHammer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand his apprehension. You don't say that you love him. If you don't love him, your relationship will not survive this change. That's nothing to worry about, it's a new part of your life and there will be a lot of new people to meet. There's nothing that you can do but wait and see what happens.
2006-09-10 23:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you , you must go to uni , he needs to get over his own insecurities before its too late ..
2006-09-10 23:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋