My Future In-laws are very distant they are only a 45 min drive away. both MI and FI don't drive and have never made the effort to come in and see our new house (we have been together for 4 years just recently bought house 5 months ago. Myself and my fiance wanted to get married in Ireland because my relatives are all living over there and wouldnt be able to make it to Scotland, MI and FI nearly had a fit about this when it was mentioned and said they were not keen on going (they have never flown and don't own a passport). This means that there will be a very small amount of people on my side but they are wanting us to invite 20 or more from MI and FI side. Also they have not even offered to help fund the wedding with us and my parents which I would think is fair as we have to have it here and there will only be about 8 from my side. Can anyone help me with this dilema. Whose wedding is this anyway!!
2006-09-10 23:24:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You have done very well. You ended your question rhetorically, now all you need do is answer that rhetorical question.
You say, "Whose wedding is this anyway!!" The obvious answer is YOURS. So do it your way. Your husband should back you 100%. After all, the groom is a real light weight at a wedding, Or, at least I was at mine.
Think about this for a minute:
Getting married is a bit like buying a used car.
When you buy a new car you select the options by ordering the car precisely as you want it. If a used car comes with a cigar lighter and you don't smoke, you simply don't use it. You still get it, you just don't use it.
I am one of the lucky ones I suppose. I have great in-laws both up and down the ladder. My FI died a while back and I miss him a great deal but he was an option I didn't choose. He just came with the deal. I chose my wife and certain things came with her. Just as she accepted those things that came with me. And believe me when I say, "I got the better end of the deal".
You do as much as is reasonably possible to honor your in-laws. After that, think about who you married and who are the unused accessories. If you do the best you can and they still choose not to enter your life, it is their loss and not yours. If you do the best you can do, you will sleep well at night and what more can you ask of this life.
Best wishes
2006-09-10 23:57:30 · answer #1 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had 2 weddings - I didn't even tell my parents about the first one because they drove me crazy. About a month after the 1st one (which was really simple - just a couple of friends), my husband and I "did it" again for our parents. Why not have a tiny wedding for your in-laws and then tell them you are going to Scotland for your honeymoon. In Scotland, you can have another little ceremony. Maybe do a civil ceremony here and a religious one there, or vice versa.
It is your wedding day, but at the same time you don't want to offend your in-laws. Try for something simple and small to appease your in-laws, and then you can plan your own little affair with your family in Scotland.
2006-09-11 03:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kidnap your MI and FI and smuggle them to Ireland.
Alternatively, try to offer them plane tickets, or maybe just a 45 minute ride to your new house!
Explain to your MI and FI that most of your relatives are living in Ireland, offer to hold two receptions in both countries if possible.
But most importantly, start to communicate with your MI and FI.
They aren't responsible for your wedding! No one should have a obligation to fund your wedding except you and your spouse.
All the best and congratulations about that marriage.
2006-09-10 23:29:52 · answer #3 · answered by lkraie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok these people need to grow up. You two are not getting married to please them. Just keep telling yourself that this is your wedding not theirs anf lay down the law.
Tell them you really love them and want them there. And it would break your heart if they don't go. But it's really ridiculous to be married in one place that has hardly anyone nearby that would come to the wedding.
So tell them they are invited but this is YOUR day and them throwing a fit because they won't get off their buts to get a passport to see their son get married, which is a oncein a lifetime thing, then that's too bad.
Remember this is YOUR wedding. Not theirs.
2006-09-10 23:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems simple, but I'm not sure it is...
You say that your relatives "can't make it" to Scotland, but you are expecting your partners side to decamp over to Ireland?
I think both sides are being unreasonable here...
Compromise would be to have it somewhere else completely (i.e North West England). Means everyone has to do some travelling.
If either side still aren't happy and you have bent over backwards to help them, then it is their loss not yours!
Don't annoy the in-laws...it really ain't worth it!
2006-09-14 04:11:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your wedding, and its his parents. Instead of whining, why don't you grow up and simply pay for them to fly to Ireland so that they can attend their son's wedding, if that is where you want to have it?
My daughter and son in law paid for their cake topper, unity candles, cake serving set, the postage for the invitations, his tux, their wedding gifts to the bridal party and his parents, her father and myself, their wedding rings and their honeymoon. Period.
It is the responsibility of the brides parents to pay for the wedding, which we did. The grooms family gave the rehearsal dinner.
I told them what I could afford and kept to my budget. Anything I didn't feel necessary, or not my responsibility, they paid for.
If your folks can't do that, then you need to have a simple ceremony, with coffee, punch and cake afterward.
2006-09-11 01:34:55 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your MI and FI won't come to your house what makes you think they'll come to your wedding?
2006-09-11 01:04:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps they cant afford it and maybe you need to set some ground rules of just who's wedding day it is.
now what the do with that info is there deal but i would continue with your plans for your day the way you want it and nothing less. its a one time deal --remember that--
2006-09-10 23:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by ecatrich 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too, do agree that generally much less is extra. as much as now as your mom In regulation, she feels like a lonely lady it extremely is preserving directly to the previous. How long will you be living together with her? My common opinion: i'd completely chew my tongue and wait to go out. pass away the nice previous lady together with her recommendations, do no longer strip them away.
2016-09-30 13:56:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it - it's your wedding. Please do what you want, have it where you want it and invite who you want. When push comes to shove and people who are invited want to attend they will and those who don't are not worth having there......no matter who they are. Honestly, (experience) do what you want as it's your day and your only doing it once.
PLEASE DO WHAT YOU WANT..have a lovely day when you get there.
2006-09-11 01:31:29 · answer #10 · answered by aza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋