2006-09-10 22:40:04 · 11 answers · asked by Parul 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
*A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.* They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her Nervousness and the broccoli casserole that she consumed. The gas pains Almost made her eyes water. * *Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets Out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. * *Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father Looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and Said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. * A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. * * This Time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer** rrrrrip.* *The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" * *Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" * A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. * This time she didn't even think about it.She let a fart rip that rivaled a Freight train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!" *
2006-09-10 23:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by doable_rods 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A guy goes to the Dr. with a bit of a problem. He says Doc I just married a woman half my age and I can never seem to last long enough to satisfy her, is there anything I can do besides taking Viagra? the dr. smiles and says yes one way to last longer is to ah service yourself before you have sex with her and you will last much longer. So he thanks the Dr. and on the way home his wife calls him and says I am ready and waiting for you I am going to ravish you as soon as you get in the door! He is on the freeway and can't really "service" himself while driving so he has an idea, he pulls over to the side of the road crawls under his car and thinks if anyone asks me what I am doing I'll just tell them I'm checking the transmission. So he whips it out closes his eyes and starts fantazing about his young beautiful wife. Suddenly someone is pulling on his leg and says sir I am a police officer what are you doing? Not wanting to stop because he's almost there with his eyes still closed he says I'm checking my transmission officer. the cops says well you should check your brakes too because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
2006-09-11 06:06:21 · answer #2 · answered by crusinthru 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and you shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to you to bring a smile on your face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/
Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps you in making you laugh. Enjoy and have fun..
2006-09-11 07:27:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
a man and his friend were playing a game of golf one day. During the game they notice 2 women ahead of them. The man said "i'll go up there and ask them if we can play through you wait here" The man then walk half way there and turned around and walk back. The friend asked "What's wrong?" the man said " It's my wife and the woman i've been seeing behind her back. I can't go up there and risk being exposed. You go up there." The friend looked at the man with disgust and said "Fine." The friend walked half way up to the 2 women and promptly turned around and walked back to the man. The man goes "Oh decided to make me suffer?" the friend said " No" the man asked " Then what's the problem?" The friend said "Same as yours."
2006-09-11 06:23:01 · answer #4 · answered by jwings19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why naughty?
here read these jokes:
1. As a man was leaving Minnesota for Colorado, he decides to make a stop at a rest area on the side of the road. He goes in the washroom and sees that the first stall is taken so he goes into the second stall. Just as he sits down he hears a voice from the next stall...
"Hi there, how is it going?"
While not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road the man didn't know what to say. He pauses a minute and finally says:
"Not bad..."
Then the voice says:
"So, what are you doing?"
He starts to find this a bit weird, but responds anyway:
"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."
Then the man hears the person in the first stall say all flustered:
"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."
3. An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
4. A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"
5. Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his Mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
6. Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall, two blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and... well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
7. A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We dont have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man says, "Is this 567-5309?"
that's all..
I hope it makes you laugh
2006-09-11 05:52:00 · answer #5 · answered by ~♥Andrea♥~ 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guy’s wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find any jewelry from the girl.
When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; "Did they take your new diamond ring as well dear?"
"No Papa," replied the girl with a grin, "I managed to hide it when they were searching you."
"Hide it? where?" asked the guy," I saw them search you too."
"I slipped it into my... a... my . . .um.... pee pee place." said the girl shyly.
"Damn!" swore the guy, "If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!!"
2006-09-11 06:01:03 · answer #6 · answered by shoosh_b 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
??? the first guy's joke is wack!
Emily came home from school one day, and as her mother was preparing supper,Emily was asking questions about sex and how babies were made,mother explained that a mans penis enters the womans vagina and they make love,and 9 months later a baby is born...Emily looked a little puzzled and mom asks whats wrong...Emily says well umm a i saw you with daddys penis in your mouth what do you get then??
mom smiles and says diamonds hunny diamonds
2006-09-11 05:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by bo1xdream 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a joke I made up myself!!!!
What do you call a gynocologist that goes down on their patients?????
A Gobble Doc!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
2006-09-11 10:33:57 · answer #8 · answered by Wonder_Mum_006! 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why did the blonde have bruises on her belly button?...
blonde guys are stupid too.
2006-09-11 07:22:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there was this man called dick.
he went to a restaurant, ordered pizza.
when he was busy eating, a litle girl of 'bout 8yrs old came up to him and said, 'u look funny!!!'
And that's how Dick found his dog, Bolt.
2006-09-11 05:49:10 · answer #10 · answered by DaRin 2 · 0⤊ 6⤋