Beer !!!!!?

Question

Symptom: Beer is crystal clear
Fault: It's water. Someone is trying to sober you up.
Action to take: Punch the guy who gave you the water.

Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the
room you're in
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action to take: See if they have free beer.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet
Fault: Glass or bottle held at incorrect angle
Action to take: Adjust angle so open end points to
ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet
Fault: improper bladder control
Action to take: Stand next to nearest dog, complain
about house training

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless
Fault: Glass or bottle is empty
Action to take: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with florescent lights
Fault: You have fallen over backward
Action to take: Chain yourself to the bar

Symptom: Mouth filled with cigarette butts
Fault: You have fallen forward
Action to take: see above

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your t-shirt is wet
Fault: Mouth not open, or container applied to wrong
part of face
Action to take: Enter bathroom, confirm mouth
location, practice in the mirror

Symptom: Floor blurred
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your
empty container
Action to take: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Floor moving
Fault: You are being carried out
Action to take: Find out if you're being taken to
another bar

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark
Fault: Bar is closed
Action to take: Confirm home address with bartender,
take taxi home

Symptom: Taxi is unusually colourful and "pretty"
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations
Action to take: Cover mouth

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles
Fault: You are dancing on the bar
Action to take: Find someone cushy-looking to land on


Symptom: Your singing sound’s distorted
Fault: Insufficient beer intake
Action to take: Increase beer intake until it sounds
just right

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song
Fault: Correct beer intake
Action to take: Play air guitar

Symptom: Bed is stiff and bumping around, wierd people
standing around you
Fault: Taking a ride in an ambulance
Action to take: No action necessary, you've already
made an *** out of yourself.

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
Fault: You've been in a fight
Action to take: Apologize to everyone you see, just in
case it was them

Symptom: Squishy feeling in the hands
Fault: You've grabbed a woman's breasts
Action to take: If boyfriend exists, duck to avoid
punch. If no boyfriend exists, ask for name and phone
number

Symptom: Unattractive woman in your sights
Fault: Insufficient beer intake
Action to take: Up the dosage

Symptom: Shins and toes hurt
Fault: You've been walking into things
Action to take: Maintain dosage

Answer 1

i have a friend who is really gonna appreciate those as much as i did. lol-thank you

Answer 2

What you wrote is great and funny do write more stuff about beer.

Answer 3

LOL. LOL.

Thanks for all the laughs. I enjoy your posts.

Answer 4

funny

Answer 5

funny

Answer 6

closed the bar too soon !!!!1

Answer 7

These are so funny!! pls. post for more!!

I want to read more of these........

funny..

Answer 8

V. good!

Answer 9

lol......cool.....