why does mt 26 year old son think it is ok to live in my home and do nothing and pays nothing?

Question

I've tried just about everything even putting him out on the street for almost a month. He for some reason thinks that the world owes him and he doesn't have to work or pay for everything. I think he needs to get a job and start paying his own way. HELP

Answer 1

Stop letting him use you!! You're not helping him grow up and take responsibility for himself...It's called tough love. If you were not here to support him, then he would have to do it on his own anyway.
Think of it this way, if you were to become ill (God forbid) he would HAVE to take the brunt of the bills and chores etc...Obviously it won't happen overnight for him to see this but you both have to have a heart to heart and bring up the list of things that he is to be responsible for and a list of things that maybe he's just not mature enough to realize like having health insurance and paying into Social Security by working so he has something for his future. He's past the age of being cared for by you and you need to realize that he's not your responsibility at his age! It's amazing how narrow minded people can be but more amazing is how they have the most caring people watching over them...
Tell PeterPan that it's time for him to grow up!
Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow, that's funny. Because when I was 26 I stayed at home with my parents, and they liked it. But I did work, so maybe that's the difference. He's still in the mode that you're his parent and he never paid rent to you when he was young, so why shoud he now? And I don't blame him for that.

But sure, you should get him out of the house and get him working somehow. He just is having a hard time growing up. It's not uncommon, though. Perhaps he just really is having a hard time deciding what to do with his life. It's a common problem among some 20-somethings these days. He really needs career counseling. A personality test or something that tells you what career is right for you.

Answer 3

Make him move out! He's 26 yers old! He's a big boy, he can handle himself or he can't - but it shouldn't be your problem. You could try helping him, setting him up with an apartment (by this I mean helping him find one, not paying for it) and then seeing how he does on his own. Tell him he has to get a job, or be a bum on the street. Those are his options. A lot of people in that generation think the world owes them, and it's ridiculous.

Answer 4

These situations don't happen over night and are not usually so one sided .. I advise bringing in outside professional help.
Speak with a social worker you may be surprised . A little
help from an experienced trained pro can be a very supportive ,
informatively helpful guiding light and also helps take pressure off the parent ...Where I grew up these facilities were provided by either the State or local authorities. good luck!

Answer 5

As hard as i is you have to turn your back on him and let him struggle for himself, after the age of 18 you are not responsible for him anymore. I have two children and i tell them all the time they are free to stay home as long as they are in school or have a job and pay my bills, otherwise they will have to get out. My children are still only in there pre teens but when the time comes if they are not helping out or if they are not in collage it is the streets for them, there is only so much you can do for them but in the end they have to do for themselves.

Answer 6

Sounds a little like he's depressed. He may need testing and counseling. You may have to force the issue by putting him out and not giving in to his demands.

I had a taxi customer who was a lot like him. He made his mother pay for everything, including his taxi rides. I learned this one day when she spoke to me and asked that I not give him a ride again. The next time he called, I told him that his mother was not going to pay for his cab rides anymore. He said he had money of his own to pay for it. I knew better, but I had a plan. I picked him up and took him home, where he went in to get the money from his mother. She didn't have it to pay, so I called the police and had him arrested.

I told the prosecuting attorney my concerns about him and his manipulation of his mother. They asked for six months, drug rehab, job training, and having to keep a job for five years. A year later, I ran across him. He was clean, working, and had his own car to get around in.

Answer 7

He has not been forced to be responsible, and its the easy path for him right now. You do need to talk to him, and I would recommend, being open, honest, yet understanding. Talk to him, and find a realistic, yet mutually agreeable time table to either find a place, or get a job and pay rent. Don't forget to include consequences, like, if he has possessions, he can sell them on eBay. You can also make him do chores to make his keep if he is the type who "can't find a job" Make it cheap on him to to encourage him to find a better deal. There is no reason he can't get a job, he just doesn't want to work there.

Answer 8

I was out on my own at 17 and my older brother was out at twenty. But he had gone to collage and came back briefly.
It is time you let him fail. Don't let him come back when he has nowhere to go. It is easier said than done because a good parent is usually there for their child. But in this situation letting him continue to leach off of you is doing more damage in the long run than kicking him to the curb. Like I said it will be tough for you to do but it would be for your sons own good. Better to learn now then to have to learn to survive on his own after you have passed away (I hope that doesn't happen for several years) and then have it forced on him.

Answer 9

for some reason, both of you missed the boat. most children are prepared to be on thier own at the age of majority. he wasn't and you let him stay. now, you must tell him that changes must be made. he has to get a job and begin paying rent. give him a reasonable time to do so. explain if that is not complied with, he will be homeless. it is tough love but for his own good, he needs to be productive member of society. someday, you won't be there to provide for him and he needs to get the skills necessary to survive. good luck to you and him.

Answer 10

I think your best bet is to use tough love. If you put him out, you have to stick to your guns. Even if it tears you up inside, you have to stick to your guns. He'll eventually have to get a job, a place of his own, and hopefully a girl and move on with his life. If he already has a girl, let her deal with it. If he has his girl-friend mad at him he'll come around. If you take away a mans food, he's gonna learn how to fish.