I'm the youngest of 4 & my brother and 2 sisters can't seem to help my mom that live a mile to less from her around her home she is 63 yr old with many health problems and I live 80 miles one way! They will not help her yard work cut her grass clean out gutters move something over NOTHING! Whats your opinion on this issue?
2006-09-10 19:26:05 · 17 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They tell her they never have the time or they cant do it cause of there busy life o.k. on weekends they all mostly sit on the sofa and watch t.v. Not once in a while this make me so mad!
2006-09-10 19:36:03 · update #1
I moved 80 miles away when and am in a relationship and my step father was alive 6 yrs ago. She is alone and I am working with her to move closer to me house needs repairs before she can do this I had gastric bypass 8 mths ago so I am limited to what I can do her and I feel like we are being $hit on but God will see us through I pray!
2006-09-10 19:40:24 · update #2
Forget the lack of help from your siblings, and don't let it come between you as a family. Make a list if things that your mother needs done right now. Call them to set up a family work day and try to throw in some fun; maybe a BBQ or whatever your family might enjoy.
If your family is not close and a get-to-gather will not happen, contact the department on aging. I was surprised with all that was available for my mother. I also know where you are coming from. My family is close, but live 2 to 5 hrs apart so most of mothers needs were on the shoulders of the sibling living closest to her.
Beyond this, do what you have to do to take care of your mother. You'll not regret it.
2006-09-10 19:56:01 · answer #1 · answered by howdigethere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know their family circumstance, but I understand. I am 350 miles away from my parents, I have a brother who until a few weeks ago lived within a mile of my sister and another brother who lives in the area, but only my sister does anything for my parents who are both in their 80's.
Like I said I am 350 miles away, but I try to compensate my sister financially, her husband cuts their grass and takes care of the house, she drives them around. Neither of my brothers do a thing.
Maybe you could suggest to your siblings, that since they are to busy to help out, they could hire someone to come in and cut the grass and do some of the yardwork and house maintenance. Don't be scared to play the guilt card, but don't expect much from them.
Now, how I feel, they are spoiled brats. Your Mom knows what you do and she appreciates it. Financially and time wise this must be difficult for you, but at least you can sleep at night, knowing you did your best.
May I suggest something, of course I am not even sure if this is feasible, but have Mom come to your house and stay for the few days before and after XMAS. Then invite your sibllings to come for Christmas, if they say they can't make it cause it is too far to drive, lay into them about you driving to take care of Mom and they don't do a thing. It is ok for you but not for them...get the picture.
I hope I helped.
2006-09-11 02:39:45 · answer #2 · answered by starting over 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK lady here is what id do next Christmas when all the family is together call a family meeting that way mum will see what the rest of her suck up family are prepared to do to help the woman that bought them into this world clothed housed and fed them . you lay down the law tell each one what is expected of them and then get a calender and pencil in a time and chore for them to do and tell mum that she is to ring them early in the week and implore them to be on time . its only fare after all why should you have to shoulder all the work I know she is your mom but hell they can all chip in and do their part . its only a few hours of their day. FAMILY MEETING AND EMBARRASS THEM
2006-09-11 02:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is that there is some reason that they will not help, some emotion blocking them from doing what needs to be done.
There is also some reason you moved 80 miles away. Was it so you wouldn't have to help so often perhaps? You need to get talking to your siblings and work out a roster.
Failing that, call city hall and see what support is available for your Mom.
Good luck.
2006-09-11 02:33:08 · answer #4 · answered by Fuzzy Wuzzy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you could get angry about it but that does not serve a purpose because it does not offer a solution. What I would do is find a neighbor or someone to do it at times for free or for a few bucks, and leave it at that, don't let yourself get stressed out from there ignorance, it is a blessing that she has someone that cares enough to be concerned for her, and you do so that is a blessing in itself.
2006-09-11 02:30:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Siblings are like that. The only thing I can tell you is for you to stop playing the martyr. Stop being at your mother's beck and call. Believe it or not there are county and state agencies that can help her if your siblings don't want to. Stop judging them for them not wanting to help. They have their lives and choices and you have your's. Don't blame them because you have made the choice to help your mother. If you don't want to do it or it is inconvenient to you then say "no". I know you are trying to do the right thing but it is making you miserable...who's life are you trying to live your's or your mother's?
2006-09-11 03:18:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
63 is not old. I am 63 and disabled .it is up to her to decide if she can stay in her home or go where she can get the chores done for her. i had to give up home and live in an apartment and hire help for the housework. It is the person's own responsibility not her children's and it is not up to you to put a guilt trip on your sibs. Move back near her if you want to.
2006-09-11 03:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by nora7142@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If they won't help out themselves, (which is awful), can they each pitch in a little something financially so that you can hire someone to help her out. At least some yard work help should be affordable for 4 of you.
2006-09-11 02:36:17 · answer #8 · answered by Desi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply ask them, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM. Get over there and cut her dam grass. come on. I've heard of soooo many older folk having heart attacks from cutting grass in hot weather, seriously don't report me on this, i'm just saying. You need to tell them to grow up, especially if you're the youngest. That pisses me off to hear that. TALK TO THEM QUICK PLEASE.
2006-09-11 02:33:23 · answer #9 · answered by j n 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is if you worried about her health and her well being and you stay so far away. Why dont you take her to live with you.. If you find others are so irresponsible, dont squabble and fall to their level.
No point in finding fault..
After you had take your mother to stay with you than you can discuss among siblings what to do next!!
For ther house that she own, you can rent it out. It can help finance her old age..
There is a saying goes:-
A PARENT CAN TAKE CARE OF TEN CHILDREN BUT NONE CAN TAKE CARE OF ONE PARENT!!
2006-09-11 02:37:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋