"he was so mean, it hurt him to go to the bathroom"
"i never forget a face, but in your case, I'll gladly make an exception" -Groucho Marx
"While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, 'Times are kind of tough'. He also pointed out that Bill Gates is kind of rich, that water is kind of wet, and that Elvis is kind of dead." - Andy Waits
"I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair." -Bette Davis
2006-09-10 17:49:57 · 13 answers · asked by jjj 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
how about questions?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy
If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
quotes==
I'm only crazy when other people cant stand that I'm right
Everybody makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers on pencils
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
By the time you read this, you've already read it
Not me, not now, maybe later...
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo
2006-09-10 18:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
-= "Microsoft is a cross between the Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming."
-- Simon Slavin, a.s.r. =-
Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
If you have a difficult task,
give it to a lazy person --
they will find an easier way to do it.
Happiness is like wetting your pants.
Others can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
-- Sarah
Lawsuits just divide people. Remember that Law spelled backwards is wal. - Dharma and Greg
2006-09-11 02:36:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
-= "Microsoft is a cross between the Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming."
-- Simon Slavin, a.s.r. =-
Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
If you have a difficult task,
give it to a lazy person --
they will find an easier way to do it.
Happiness is like wetting your pants.
Others can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
-- Sarah
Lawsuits just divide people. Remember that Law spelled backwards is wal. - Dharma and Greg
2006-09-10 17:55:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/WNph1
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-23 02:44:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a long line up to bat, so
hit, or get off the spot.
I'm sure that you believe you are
certain that you think you know what
it was that I said when I mentioned that,
but what I don't think you clearly understand
is that the words that I spoke when I
said that were not what I had
really meant to say.
2006-09-10 18:02:36 · answer #5 · answered by cowgurl_bareback 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Life is like a box of chocolates, your life however is like a box of active hand grenades."
"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"
"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."
"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
2006-09-10 18:05:31 · answer #6 · answered by phoenix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A skeleton walks in to a bar. He says, "Gimme a lager, and a mop." what's 15 inches long, and hangs in front of a jerk? Donald Trump's necktie How does "The Creature's kin take a kin portrait.? all of them jam into the front seat and run a pink easy. guy: "have been you faking it final nighttime?" female: "No, i replaced into rather dozing." previous guy: "document, i will't circulate pee." healthcare professional, "How previous are you?" previous guy, "ninety six." healthcare professional, "you have peed sufficient." 2 Seagulls fly over the Kentucky Derby. One says to the different, "i'm gonna placed everythingg I have been given on variety 7." what's bushy and stands out of a mans pajamas at nighttime? His head. a guy robs a financial employer and takes hostages. He says to the 1st hostage, "did you notice what handed off," the hostage stated, "confident." The robber shot him. Then the robber stated to the subsequent hostage, "did you notice what handed off?" the subsequent hostage stated, "No, yet my spouse did."
2016-11-07 02:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by treiber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A smart man never plays leap frog with a unicorn.
2006-09-10 21:17:15 · answer #8 · answered by blindly_invisible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"In a perfect world, Elvis would be alive and the iimpersonators would be dead." ~ Johnny Carson
2006-09-12 05:38:43 · answer #9 · answered by searchin4evr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"No offense intended." - David Burke - Arthur in the Tick
"None comprehended." -Patrick Warburton - The Tick
2006-09-10 17:57:39 · answer #10 · answered by Siri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋