My girls are aged 9 and 11, what can I do to stop them fighting all the time even when I ask them to stop, they just keep going. They are also very disrespectful to me since my Husband passed away last year.
2006-09-10 17:27:12 · 18 answers · asked by Kym 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Severe and consistent punishment everytime they fight. Severe can be anything that THEY would consider severe: (take the tv away, no outside, sit them both in a corner,etc).
In my experience with single mothers, I've found that discipline comes when the mother gets to her wit's end. However, if you make the punishment EVERYTIME they make an offense, they are in control.
You should also punish both of them for fighting, not just the one that caused it.
As far as disrespectullness...I was raised that if you EVER disrespect mom you would prefer death over the ass whipping that would follow. You should NEVER allow your child to disrespect you without them remember the punishment well into their retirement.
I remember raising my voice at my grandmother. It happened on 12/4/83. I still remember that ass whipping I got from my mother. Not only did I get a whipping for raising my voice at an adult, but I also too an extra whipping for raising my voice at MY MOTHER'S MOTHER!
2006-09-10 17:44:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sibling rivalry! It's more to do with you than with each other. They probably both feel that you favour the other one in some way, and each one feels they are missing out! Could you possibly involve them separately in some activity with you, where you could give them individual attention during that time? Just a mother and daughter thing where they could just bask in being alone with you?
I think after a while things would change for the better. Of course they will be missing their father but don't stand for disrespect, make sure that they forfeit some treat or entitlement if they are rude to you. (But without being too harsh! It's a bit of a balancing act, I'm afraid) Oddly enough they want to be stopped from behaving like this and they're pushing to see if you are strong enough now that their father has gone!
Make sure that you get some support too. I'm sure you must be feeling the loss of your husband a great deal. There are bereavment counsellors I know , maybe the 'phone book would list them. Good luck.
2006-09-11 03:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by survivor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has this been going on before your husband past away? Because, I think that, that's what sisters do. I have 2 daughters as well 12 & 15, and they are always bickering/fighting with each other to, and have been for years. But I make them sit in the same room with each other for hours at a time until they start talking then they have to kiss and hug each other and tell the other that they love them. When it gets out of hand, then it's time for the belt to come out and do what it do. But, if they just started this fighting, it may be that their grieving right now. They may need some help coping with the lost of their father.
2006-09-11 00:43:05 · answer #3 · answered by babgrl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 sons. ages 12, 9 and 3. Believe it or not the middle one fights with the older one and the younger one! It's crazy! But then there are times when they get alone, even all at once. What they do when they fight is they are ranking for dominance. Who is gonna be the boss. The more you side with a particular child, the more they will fight.
Try to stay out of it, unless it gets dangerous. Or you can't stand hearing it anymore. Then @$$ whip each of them and send them to their rooms. This punishes the behaviour, and it teaches them that nerving you gets neither of them their way.
2006-09-11 00:33:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are probably dealing with a lot of unvented anger and frustration since loosing "their dad" last year!! And as kids they have no idea how to really deal with all that pain and loss and anger as to why he had to leave them. Children usually take out their sadness as anger... their anger is just a symptom of a bigger problem..... their pain inside... While being sensitive to this,, they also need to know that being hateful is unexceptable and disrespecting mom is not ok!! With their age,, the time out seat techinique should really help if you are CONSISTANT in disiplining them everytime they act out.... But also they probably really need professional christian counseling to help them sort out their emotions individually!! And they really need loving and happy one on one time with you mom too!! Plan a mom/daughter day, just for each one of them seperatly each week and then one day together with them each week!! Let them know how special they are individaully and what makes them unique in your eyes... raise their self esteem and self confidance now rather than a horney guy a few years from now giving them attention they crave!!! A great balance of love and disipline will take you a long way,, make sure lines of communication are open,, talk about how hard it's been on you and show them that sadness is ok,, most of all pray for God to intervine and help you make the right choices!! God Bless You
2006-09-11 00:38:08 · answer #5 · answered by hotmamainmwc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Kym, I have one of each and they fight as well. I think all children squabble, (we all did). I guess you need to identify what they are fighting over. I take something away from them that they really like and would really miss. This may mean identifying the 'who started' senario but if you can't do that, take that priviledge away from both. When they loose something they really like, I believe it does make a difference. Good luck! Being a parent ain't easy eh! We are all on a journey thru life......
2006-09-11 07:42:57 · answer #6 · answered by Zelda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that it is not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it. If they don't stop separate them and take away their privlages. The more they do it, take more off them. It may become physical instead of just verbal but they will go through waves of getting along and then not. Just maintain a stand on it and be firm
2006-09-11 02:40:07 · answer #7 · answered by Dee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ground them, punish them! Show them you are serious, maybe one day even break down in tears in front of them and explain to them that you understand they miss their father but you too lost your husband and you need your girls to get along and help you be strong in order for you to be strong for them.
I am 18 and my sisters are 11 and 21, and my brother is 22. and we still fight! even if mum says stop!...my uncles and aunties all over 30 and 40 + still argue! its just siblings way of life!
2006-09-11 00:39:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The therapy idea may be a good suggestion, if they recently lost their dad. Kids grieve differently than adults. I would try that first.
I had some other suggestions, but after reading the details, I think that is the best bet.
2006-09-11 00:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by powhound 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They are still dealing with the loss of their father, get them to counciling if they aren't all ready. They will need a lot of understanding. They are frustrated that their daddy left them.
2006-09-11 00:32:20 · answer #10 · answered by knujefp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋