I want another baby, but my husband's unsure..?

Question

I really want another baby...our son just turned two, and I'm itching to give him a brother or sister. I only want two children. Our life is great, we both have good jobs, a home, a car, no real debt. Things are really good...but sometimes life is hectic, and my husband says like, "oh we couldn't handle another one right now" and doesn't like to talk about the idea. How can I get him to understand how badly I want this...and for him not to stress about this...He says not yet, but probably down the road when we're both ready. I would never bring a baby in this world that wasn't wanted, you know...but how long will it take for him to make up his mind...am I being unfair forcing the issue?? I'm so confused :) pls help, any advice may help...don't be shy :) thanks so much.

Answer 1

Maybe give it two more years. Gives you more time between them and you won't go so broke buying car insurance when they're teens - lol. Mine are two years apart and I think I'd have rather gone 3 or 4 yrs. apart.

Answer 2

I actually think your timing is great.

My girls are exactly 2 years apart. They're buddies. We've experienced very little sibling rivalry, since neither of them can remember a time without the other.

BUT, that said, I think, if we were to do it all over again, we'd probably have waited an extra year. It was tough going to have two that were still such babies, you know, and watching my 3-year-old now, I can see how helpful she wants to be and could have been with a new baby.

I have to say, too, that a second child doesn't just double the work. It's an EXPONENTIAL jump. It's just way harder to get anything done around the house, or even to LEAVE the house. And it can be tough on your relationship.

I think, if your husband isn't ready, you just have to wait. You need to agree on this, or it won't just be hard. It will be a disaster.

Answer 3

You definitely have to wait for his okay.... I think the worst part would be if your husband was not in love with your second child and that child felt it. Talk about a negative impact.

I guess if it were me, it would depend if I felt he was being honest and that we could have one in a near future or not. If I felt he was just putting me off permanently, I would have to decide if this is the relationship I wanted (but I also dealt with a lot of this before we got married and pushed all these subjects). Maybe you need to have the discussion - how many kids do we want? When exactly are we going to have our second one?

If he is saying that you two couldn't handle another one, why is that? Is he overwhelmed? Does he need some more moral support? Maybe you are the first to have kids in your group of friends? Are you two religious, around people who can help you emotionally?

This is really between the two of you and there are a lot of things you know about your spouse that we don't...

Answer 4

My husband and I have struggled with this topic too. It is really hard on a marriage when one party wants a baby and the other is unsure.
I would sit him down in a relaxing environment and approach him in a very non threatening way. Explain to him that there will never be a perfect time to have another baby. You will always have bills and things that pop up unexpectedly. One thing that you can be sure of is that your little one will have a close relationship with his or her sibling because of the small age gap. Perhaps presenting it in a positive way will help him to see all of the good that will come from growing your family now. I would also make sure to let him know that you fully understand and respect his thoughts on the issue.
Men like to feel sure that they are providing for their families and often tend to shy from the responsibilites of more children for fear that they cannot fulfill their committments.
If you feel that you just cannot come to a compromise then perhaps it is time to seek that advice of a counsellor who will help you two to come to a decision together. I would hate to see this interfere with your relationship.

Answer 5

dont force your husband to have another baby with you! just keep talking to him about it and give him time to get ready for another baby.
i gave birth to our first son in december last year and in april when my son was 4 months old i found i was pregnant again i cried and cried and i argued with my fiance because i simply was not ready for another one and felt i didnt want this baby. i was so upset with my self and for some reason my fiance as if he pushed me into it. now i am 8 months pregnant almost, and i cannot wait until i have another little baby to bring home. it took a while for me to warm up to the idea of being a mum again but now i couldnt be happier. one of the main reasons my fiance and i fought about this was because we wanted different things when it came to childeren.
my point? just give your husband a little time he will let u know when he is ready. he might even need a bit of convincing but dont push him into it you will only fight and argue all the time and u will ne left wondering if having the new baby was worth it and thats not fair to the child or the rest of the family.
just sit down with him and tel him why u feel another baby would make u happy. maybe your husband just wants a bit more bonding time with your son which i can understand my son is 9 months old and i have barely anytime left to bond with him my self.
i hope my answer didnt confuse u.
i reckon if u leave the issue alone for a while your husband will come around.
good luck.

Answer 6

Good luck! My husband and I have been married for 6 years, we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and he has an 12 year old son from his 1st marriage who lives in NY (Thank God). However, I have been soooo ready for a 2nd child and my husband has kept me on a fine line of whens... when I'm done with my Masters, in 2 years, in this, and in that. Nothing but excuses.
After the birth of our daughter, he's told me that he really does not want a 2nd child, however; if I really really wanted one he'll do it. Now, he is dead certain that he is not having a 2 nd child, therefore; neither am I. He rather divorce then have a 2nd child.
This has really change the way I feel for him, us, and our marriage; which I have always thought of as strong. You see I'm okay with not having another child if that of course is what God wants. I'm not okay with my husband telling that he is not having more kids b/c that decision affects me too. I'm considering leaving him because of this yet I don't want to change my daughter's life by leaving b/c of my desire of having another child.
HELP!!





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Answer 7

You need to have a serious talk with him about when, and if ever he will be ready. I don't think it is unfair of you to force the issue any more than it is unfair of him to be the one and only to decide to wait. You said you want two children. What does he say? Does he definitely want two? If so, you need to compromise. You don't say NOW without his approval, but he can't just say WHENEVER without your approval. Decide together what a good age difference would be. Three years, four years? Then, stick with it.

Answer 8

wait a minute there is a lot of people saying that you are trying to force him .... I don't think that's whats going on .... You have all the right to want an other baby a little sister or brother ..... I will suggest you to talk a little more about it tell him how important it is for the baby to have someone to play with ...... You will convince him don't worry about it

Answer 9

On the "pro" side, your house is still relatively childproof and you can still stand the smell of stinky diapers. Your kids will be close enough in age that they will have similar interests for family activities, including vacations. It's hard to take a 2 year old and a 10 year old to Disney, for instance, because they won't be able to do the same things.

I won't consider the "con" issues, because they are obvious in this case.

Answer 10

well if it were me (and it was about a year ago)
I would just naturally start acting moapy I bought all the child rearing books and left them open to the pages where it talked about the best space to have between babys and such.
I also would gawk at the baby stuff when we went shopping and would cry when ever I saw a new baby or a pregnant woman.
(note: most of this I just did natrally because of how bad I wanted another baby, not to try and get him to let us) (I fought with him for two years about having another and we made a deal! we sat certin goals we wanted to acheave before we started trying again and I of course MADE him remember that we had made the agreement and that we had done those things!)

Answer 11

Don't force it on him. You know how he feels and he knows how you feel. Don't pressure him into it. He has reasons for not wanting another one right now. Having another one right could cause great strife in your marriage. Give him some time. Wait another year or so and let your son get a little older and let things setttle down a little and then discuss it again.