Do I spank my stepdaughter?

Question

I am recently married. My wife has a 3yr old daughter whose father is not in the picture. My wife has told me that it is okay to spank her, but I don't necessarily feel comfortable putting my hands on someone else's child.

I have two kids whose mother is in the picture, so I couldn't allow my wife to spank my kids. My 10 year old is VERY well behaved and hasn't needed chestising in almost 3 years. My 6 year old occasionaly needs a spanking, but rarely.

My 3 year old stepdaughter however is in desperate need of disciplining. She a sweet kids, but does things that are either disrespectful or dangerous at time. My wife is free spritited, and so is her daughter. Unfortunately, a 3 year old that plays with scissors and cuts her own hair, comes in and out the house when she feels like it, writes on walls, and plays with paint & other chemical is a very dangerous thing to have.

Do you think I should begin spanking my stepdaughter?

Answer 1

I don't think any child should be spanked, I also don't feel that the children should know this though. unless it was a matter of life and death. As far as a three year old there are much better ways to handle her. It sounds like she just needs a lot of consistency in training her, you should not worry about weather to spank her or not and focus on building a relationship with her instead. I would also childproof the house so she can't play with dangerous items and putting high locks on the doors would prevent her from running in and out. If she continues to do these things the child could be seriously hurt and spanking her would be to late. Plus as the saying goes
"an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure"

Answer 2

if there was ever a child in need of a spanking this is one.

Someone needs to start spanking--and it should be both of you--you should not be made the heavy in all of this.

At the age you have entered the scene I do not see anything wrong with you disciplining your wife's daughter--it better be done. But like I say--the whole burden should not be placed on you.

Before you do this--be sure you agree on what you both mean by a spanking--some parents use an open hand and others an instrument--some one or two swats--others several--some do it bare bottom (which with a three year old would be ok for you to do--as older I don't think so).

You also need to decide what type of behavior warrants a spanking.

Most of all. For spanking or anything else, to be effective, it must be consistent.

Answer 3

First for all the people that think spanking is wrong....that is just the current thinking and we may all live to regret that philosophy one day. Some kids do not require spanking and it isn't hard to tell which ones. Some kids,though,have a hard time focusing on what you are saying and will continue the disruptive behavior no matter how many times you tell them to stop or how many time outs you assign. These are the kids that will benefit from a swat on the behind to GET THEIR ATTENTION! Once you have their attention, you may be able to proceed with another less physical form of disciplne. Spanking should only be done for the child's good though and never to express anger. I was spanked as a kid,once by my dad and I deserved it,believe me. Mom spanked all the time and I still love her,I am not a violent or angry person and I am a mentally healthy, contributing member of society. So what harm did spanking do? If your wife believes in spanking and you cannot get this little girl to stop any other way,then spank her with all the love and kindness you can muster. Her teachers and society in general will thank you someday.

Answer 4

Spanking is so relative, its not good nor bad. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. If she is understanding and sweet she wont need a spanking but other methods of discipline like, taking from her what she truly enjoys, those little priviledges. Another thing that I believe is very important is to establish a mutual respect between father and child. Dont yell, but talk and try to make the child understand where you are coming from and why something is not right. Sometimes people believe that a 3yr old is still a baby and wont understand and the truth is they are smarter than everyone thinks. In my personal experience my father never spanked me not even once, but my mom did. But the difference was that my father would look at me or just raise his voice and I would stop what I was doing, but my mom to make me understand had to spank me because she had already crossed that line. And that is a typical situation in a household.

try to look for other alternatives, let the child now you are in control without violence but discipline. And reward her for being good, not always but sometimes is a good way to control a situation.

hope it helps somehow.

Answer 5

In some ways I think it's okay but it shouldn't be left all on you. There are more effective ways of communicating that a child is wrong and 3 is the best time to start. I think your wife needed someone else to do it for her. This should not be the case. Start by laying down some ground rules for the child, she is only 3 after all but children will only do what you let them do. Let her know what's acceptable and what's not in your household and enforce them daily. Maintain consistency. How did you raise your other children? Do the same things with her. In essence, she is your child and when you married her mother, you took on the role of daddy so be a daddy to her. I promise she will love you all the more for it when she grows up. Just be patient and explain to your wife as well what you will and won't accept from her child. Time outs, taking away toys, nap time, all those things work for a toddler. You are awesome for even taking on that responsibility and I commend you for that. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

If you love this little girl - Be a dad to her like you are to your own kids - That is what she really needs even if you are not blood related. She is young and you might be the only father figure she ever has or remembers. So, it sounds like you did good with your other 2 children - you should do the same for her... If her mother is fine with you correcting her when she needs to be - by all means. IF you spank your own two kids and they are turning out to be fine people - why would you deprive this little girl? I think you know what is best for her - it takes alot of love to discipline a child and see to it that she is not the rambunctious child no body wants to be around.

Answer 7

If you are not comfortable with spanking her then dont. There are many other ways to get her to listen. Like; timeouts, taking her fave toy for a few hours, grounding her, things like that. But also remember there is a difference between spanking a child and beating the child. Sometimes they do need a smack on the bottom, but not always. Just dont spank out of anger.

Answer 8

I will say this: First of all, you say that you feel awkward putting your hands on someone elses child ... you're married, so this stepchild is not someone elses child ... she is your child. Your children are also her children. This is the authority that marriage, coupled with Love, has. You may not feel that way, but remember that God has joined you to her and her family, as she is joined to you and yours. Well, I don't know if you got married in a church, or what your religious affiliation is, but this is what marriage is designed to do: Join as one, one family, one Love, One Truth.

Secondly, if the father is out of the picture, that leave you to pick up where he is not around. I would venture to say that even if he were around, you still need to be a father to that child. If that child misbehaves, and a spanking or spankings would help, then it should be done. So I say, yes, you should begin ... step up and be a father to that child ... step up and be a father ... step father ... do you see where I'm going here? Step up in place of the father that's not there, because you are her father now Not biological perhaps, but still a father!! And a great father, I'm willing to bet! Take care of that child!

Answer 9

I have a four year old stepdaughter and i just decided that is her dad's job not mine and he doesn't spank my daughter but we both discipline them i do spank mine and he spanks his but we discipline each other's kids in different ways and support each other when we say one of our children has done something wrong.You just need to have a talk with your wife and tell her she needs to stop slacking when it comes to her child and explain that there are certain rules in the house that her daughter may not be used to but thats the way its gonna be.Thats what me and my hubby did and it didn't go very smooth at first but now the two girl's have adjusted pretty well.You just need to communicate with your wife and let her know there are things you will not tolerate with her daughter and in order to make your marriage work you have to come to some middle ground when it comes to the kids or it will make your marriage rocky.

Answer 10

They say you should never spank a step child.....With her being 3 I'm not sure.....shes not that old....but they way she is acting is troubling....have you talked to your wife about her behavior? Also maybe try time out with her....take everything away from her toys, cartoons, etc etc no playing outside.....see what that does..It will be hard since she is soo independent....but when you put her in time out...and she gets up....put her back each time and explain to her that each time she gets up her time starts over....they say 1 minute for each year of age so 3 minutes doesn't sound like much but to them its a lot......Good luck

Also if you stick to the time out thing it will work it will take a few days maybe a week.....but once they know your not joking then they will start behaving....and make her earn her toys back....she might only be 3 but soon she will be 4,5,6,7 so get ahead of her will you can....