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i dont know what to say or do to console people who have been affected by a death of a family member or friend. what is the right thing to say ???

2006-09-10 16:32:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture Etiquette

i am not a religious person

2006-09-10 17:44:05 · update #1

12 answers

If you knew the person who passed away, its always cool to share a favorite memory or something that person said to you with the grieving family member. NEVER say 'you know how they feel', and it often seems useless to offer any kind of help, because the person is too busy grieving to actually think of asking for help. So rather take the initiative and do something you think needs doing! Actions speak louder than words.

2006-09-10 20:58:38 · answer #1 · answered by HumbleOpinion 2 · 2 0

Oh my please tell me you are not thinking of what your avatar says suicideblonde. I have had over 10 or 11 close people die on me. The best thing someone could do was let me know that they would be there anytime I needed to talk. As one of the previous posts mentioned it was O.K. to say they were in heaven. (No Religion bashing or I report)! Over the years it was a bit odd My sister when I was 9 right after her a nephew was born. God giveth and God taketh away. I found my sisters the hardest since she was studying to become a nurse and just received her nurses cap 19 a young age to go. An uncle due to disgusting Lou Gehrig's disease 4 yrs ago My father with cancer 2 yrs ago another sister 3 yrs ago. these a few but someone studying to become a nurse to help save lives please why her? Now whenever I hear the sound of thunder I'll say There are some angels bowling upstairs looking over me I see lightning Some one got a strike. Please make sure you support these people Time will let them heal at their own pace but knowing someone is there for them is very comforting.
Note:Anyone try to bash this consider yourself REPORTED

2006-09-11 00:36:22 · answer #2 · answered by tazachusetts 4 · 0 0

Time is the only thing that makes the hurt subside. Just make sure you let the person know that all the feelings they have are normal. My bf was killed by a drunk driver 8-12-01, just one month before 9/11. I felt like the entire world felt the pain of loss that I was going through. The whole country went through the greeving process at the same time. Seeing people heal and talk about 9/11 actually helped me to learn I was not crazy for feeling the way I did about my bf. Plus, I am Christian and I feel that God needed him to help with the 3,000+ people who went to Heaven!

What ever makes you feel better! Ya know!

2006-09-11 00:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I have had lots of death in my family,and people close to me have lost their loved ones.In my opinion there is hardly anything you can say that will be right or wrong and I know that sounds crazy,Every situation is different and people will react different to things you say.The best thing to stay away from saying is I know how you feel,because 9 out of 10 times we really don't.The best thing you can do is say I will be here for you to talk to, just sit with or what ever you need. Be there day or night let them know even if it's 3am they can call on you.Just holding someone and saying nothing is good to.They will hear what your mouth can't say.

2006-09-10 23:44:07 · answer #4 · answered by mytifine_01 3 · 2 0

I say I am sorry for your loss and then a nice thing or something you remember about the one who passed . And a hug if it is wanted.
When my young cousin died what I didn't like was people saying "it is alright she is with God now" some how that pissed me off. She wasn't even five years old.

2006-09-10 23:48:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Just ask if there's anything you can do to support them. And that you are sorry to hear of their loss. It is not your place to say "she or he is in a better place" as they may not be ready to hear it. They just want you to be around them. That one sentence does a lot. If the person wants to talk more about it, let him/her lead the topic of conversation as everyone has their own thoughts during a time of grief.

2006-09-10 23:38:45 · answer #6 · answered by DNBursky 2 · 2 0

Just be honest. that's all..people who grieve just need to know you're there..on their side..that you care.....ln the end there is little else that you can do. I've heard so many people say such stupid things..when they were trying to be kind...just be yourself..you're a good person..you'll know what to say...PS Hugs help a lot.

2006-09-10 23:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

If the person who died is not a committed Christian (and the family is not the same) the people do indeed have good reason to grieve.

If the people are committed Christians, we can comfort them with the reminder that they will see their loved ones again in heaven, in the presence of the Christian God.

Cordially,
John

2006-09-10 23:34:15 · answer #8 · answered by John 6 · 0 4

You just deal. You cry, you rant, you rave, but you deal with it. Letting it sit inside you and not dealing with it will cause you a host of other problems.

2006-09-10 23:36:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 1 0

Ask if they need anything, if not just tell them you are are there. Chances are they are not really concerned with what you say, more what you do, or don't do.

2006-09-10 23:39:54 · answer #10 · answered by Beccawho 3 · 1 0

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