Just another Break-up? HELP?

Question

Its been 6-7 months my gf left me, no reason given, and i cudnt contact her cos she didnt have a number, we only contacted via email or chat, or meet. We used to get along so well, it was shocking, i know everyone says that in their relationships, but seriously, i wish i could tell you that feeling in words. I know i still love her, but i also know she isnt coming back.

I have met several other girls, who like me, want me, love me!!! but i couldnt go out with them, i just rejected them! or they just didnt appeal to me! Girls who i would have died for when i was younger, tend to like me now, but now, i dont really feel attracted to them at all!

I been having dreams of her coming back, even tho i forgot her for a whole month cos i was busy working, but that dream sparked memories which now, seem all so fresh again.

people say, get yourself active so you forget?? But its not working! everything i do, related to her somehow. Any advice? please no harsh replies....im desperate

Answer 1

Gosh, I feel for you. It is hard when love ends so suddenly with no reason or no real closure. I went through a hard break-up about a month ago so I can relate to you in my own way.

From what you are saying, it sounds like you need some kind of closure so that you can move. The sudden end of the relationship did not provide you with that. Since there is no way to talk to her and discuss it further, maybe seeking counseling would be good for you to talk things out with someone who is impartial, someone who can sort through your feelings.

Yes, keeping busy is one thing, but dealing with your deep, true feelings is another. I find that keeping busy only pushes my real feelings aside, and that only leaves it there to come up another day somewhere down the line. I would rather deal with my feelings now so I can truly move on.

And it sounds like when you are ready to move on, you won't have any problem finding someone knew to start up your heart again. Good luck, lots of love from someone else who is also heartbroken.

Answer 2

You really should give up the dating thing for a little while. Take a break. It sounds like when you go out with other girls you are comparing what she was like, or what you had with her. You may think you are ready to go on. However in my opinion you are not completely over the loss and shock of the break-up. I don't really think it is her that you miss. But the confusion of not having the answers. Like why did she just up and leave? What happened? Was it something you did? It is the guilt that you were not able to know what was going on with her to at least allow you the possibility of fixing it. You have to realize that sometimes regardless of how much we think we know someone it doesn't mean that we know them. Some people (not all) will not show their whole self. It is actually a good idea before ever jumping into too serious of a relationship.. go thru at least 4 seasons with that person. You need to see them when they go thru something a little trying such as when there are sick, when they have a change of jobs, a death in the family. Those things really bring out true colors of someone. You may have not done anything to make her leave, it could have been all her. Which is probably more the case, that is why she didn't tell you. If it was something you had done. She probably would have told you. It's when we know we are guilty that we don't want to talk about it.. And you will probably never know what her reasons were. If I were you... take a break. These chicks are making you see what they don't have that she did. Save your money for yourself for now. Go spend some of it on you-- Instead of these dates. Go get a new stereo, or a new membership at the gym, or new Ipod. or whatever. You get what I'm saying. You are growing up.. you are realizing what some girls were offering isn't just good enough anymore. Congrats. Seriously!! However, don't get fooled by the idea of what you think someone is like. Spend the time to find out. Good Luck

Answer 3

This best things to do is to first accept the pain that you are feeling. go fully into that pain. Cry, be angry, be scared, feel whatever it is you feel without trying to avoiding it. this will take the intensity out of the emotions that are currently going through your head.

Also, it may then be wort exploring further as to why you are finding it so hard to deal with this loss. what you may be experiencing are in fact emotions related to another person who may have left you in your life, perhaps a family member, and not really related so much to the loss of your last girlfriend.

What you have to remember first and foremost thought is that this one person will not make you happy forever. she will not solve all your problems, only you can do this.

I experienced something similar a few years ago and it was a long process but I have since moved on and loved other women. It is possible and that is what you have to remember.

If you are feeling experimental, try some form of therapy. this in my opinion helps more than anything. More specifically I would get in contact with the following organisation, they changed my life and I have never looked back. Don´t worry, it´s not a cult or anything like that:

www.mkp.org.uk/


all the best

Answer 4

You just gotta realise that no matter how strongly you feel for her - she doesnt love you back. Yes its harsh and hurtful - but you cant force someone to love you babes! 6/7 months - sure its been a while since ye broke up, but its not that long to get over someone, so maybe you just need a bit longer. Yes keeping yourself busy will keep your mind off her, maybe meeting other girls isnt the way to go for now, but time is a great healer and you WILL get over her - to help this along Id remove anything that reminds you of her - pictures - that kinda thing. Just realise this wasnt ment to be and there's someone out there waiting for you! Good luck!

Answer 5

Let me say I know exactly how you feel. Just a few months ago I was on the verge of losing the love of my life. I mean everything we did was perfect, yeah we had our typical relationship problems but we always found a way to get it back. I know you've lost a girl who you feel you need to be with. If that's the case, you need to do something so amazing that she can't help but look back at you and think, hey, I need this guy back. However, if she doesn't want to take you back, you need to find something to get her off your mind. I mean I'm sure there's things you do that make you think about her even more right? Well when you find that happening, do something else you'll enjoy, soon enough it will replace her, not quickly but over time. You need to take a step back, I mean I don't know what happened with y'all, but I think you really need to figure out why this all happened and see if anything, if you can fix it together, and if not, it wasn't meant to be. I know it's a sad thing to say but sometimes that's how it is, but the best thing you can do is find something to make up for spare time where you think about her. Pick up a new hobby or going out with friends really helps, but make sure w/e you do it's a good time because when you have a good time, you slowly forget her trust me. I hope this works out for you, and if you need anything else e-mail me at [e-mail]

Good Luck !

Answer 6

I know how you feel...
The love of my life left me 3 months ago...
Since then I've being crying and self destructive, even if I know it wouldn't help to change his mind. I know he's gone for ever.
We met a couple of time after we split up, we had sex, but it's not what I want and even the physical contact is not the same: how can you make love if you're partner doesn't love you anymore? It doesn't make any sense.
I'll tell you what I'm doing to cope with this loss:
A) I'm considering him as dead: no more calls, messages...he's dead and I cannot reach him anymore. It' drastic but this will prevent myself to see him again and hurt myself more
B) I'm going away from the place where we met, a small beautiful village on the Emerald Coast...too many memories of us...if you can, get away for a while...move on...
A big hug...

Answer 7

Maybe you moved on too soon. Take some time to not date - not forever, just a while, until you come to terms with what might have caused the breakup or until you can accept it. It's not fair to you or other girls to start dating until you're really over the last relationship and can look back on it both fondly and objectively.

I'm glad you asked the question. I'm going to go ahead and follow my own advice now!

Answer 8

i think there re 2 reasons why u still re thinking of her: 1.u think it is possible for her to come back(deep down there u still hopw if u wish it too strong she will come back)2. u were rejected so the rejection hurts, not that u love her. in any case u try to date other girls even if u seem not to like them at first. thou somehow i got that feeling that not so many girls are "dying" to get u - otherwise u would have forgotten that one. u just don't have anyone to substitute her. so go and find smth nice, young and fresh. good luck

Answer 9

It always take time to get over a break-up, especially one like this. You can't get over her because you don't have questions. Until you can get a hold of her and find out what's going on it might take time to want to date again. The sound of your relationship (IM, emailing and occasional meetings) it sounds like she already had a man and you where the side piece. Not trying to sound mean but I see it all the time. Please let me know what the outcome is. Take care.

Answer 10

sweetheart you need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her and then and only then you can move on your heart needs time to heal so dont go and jump into another relationship until your ready take time for yourself do things that you like it's going to take time before you really get over her and when you get rid of everything that reminds you of her then you will start letting go i'm speaking from experience i got rid of everything that reminded me of him and that's when the healing process began your not going to stop having these dreams because it is your conscience trying to tell you something and you need to hang out with friends try to do things that don't remind you of her and love take a vacation do things you enjoy and when your heart has healed take the time to reflect and to see what was done in this relationship so you wont do it in the next and learn from your mistake dont repeat it again okay sweetheart and good luck to you I hope you feel better