It bothers me that she cannot communicate unless every other third word is a curse word (I'm not exagerating) She is very disrespectful, bitter, and most of the time in a bad mood. She usually takes her frustrations on me.
Your advise on how to handle her is very much appreciated.
2006-09-10 15:06:57 · 23 answers · asked by 5324 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Its always hard to try and tell the person that you have not known, when you were growing up, the truth of how you really feel. I too was not raised by my biological mother, and yet, I took them in (biological mother, father and two sisters.) my home. I am not use to their ways and the way they talk as well. They too use curse words in every sentence, and I am not use to that. I was raised in a very conservative way. Meaning, always respect others as you would like them to respect you. It seems your biological mother had some very bad times in her life or was just raised in a bad situation. If it makes you feel better to tell her, then you should, but in a way that would gain her respect. Its very had to give respect to a person that does not give you respect. But the truth is, it makes you feel better that you have not caused her any more bitterness. I have sat down with my biological mother, father and two sisters and respectfully told them how I really feel about the way they act and the way they are. In a calm voice, I have told them that we simply can not live together because we are very different people. I have respect for them as my biological family, but will never forget my true parents that have raised me. And I will always instill to others the respect they have taught me and given me. In end, I will always thank God for that. Good luck! and God Bless......
2006-09-10 16:56:14 · answer #1 · answered by Lanilei 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe, and apparently most others agree, that you have a perfect right to tell your birth mother that your upbringing has made you a different person from her, and that she must not behave in such an offensive way. Try to negotiate her behavior with her in civil terms. If that does not work, then you should seriously consider removing yourself from the situation.
If you are a minor, you can still request help from protective services. If you are a legal adult, perhaps it is time to make it on your own. There is help of all kinds.
I have a friend that, at age 18, moved out and rented a room at minimum cost. She secured a minimum wage job and went to see the career counselor at her local community college. With some financial help, in 3 years she had an Associate degree that allowed her to find a technical job making twice the money her mother ever imagined making. She went on to obtain a 4-year degree and now, at 28, she has a career position of which anyone could be proud.
So don't be daunted by your situation or your mother's immaturity. It sounds like you are more grown up than she is. Hang in there, and things will get better.
2006-09-10 22:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by aviophage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a respectful way, please do tell her that you find her language offensive and ask her not to use that kind of language in your presence. Likewise, if she's in a foul mood, remind her that you are not the target of her anger and frustrations.
At the same time, you might try working with her to get to the root of her bitterness and frustrations. This may do a few things. One, it may be a bond you two can share. Two, it may help her to overcome it or get beyond it. Three, it will show her that you care, are her friend, and that you have a durable kind of love for her.
2006-09-10 22:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by HelpfulHanna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know that sometimes people have a hard time controling what they say. It's kind of like when you drive a car, after a while you just get in and everything just come's natural. So she's probably had a hard life and it's not too easy for her to look on the bright side. Just like everyone else has told you be kind to her, but tell her how you feel and remind her that you love her, even though it might be hard. But there is a time for some sort of discipline, even to your own parents if they act like their out of control, like refusing to talk to them for a time.
2006-09-10 22:25:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an adult you can speak directly to her and tell her exactly how you feel. What you've said here is great: "my ears are not trash cans for your language. If you want to talk to me, I'd appreciate it if you'd lose the offensive language." She probably doesn't want to lose you as a sounding board or dumping ground, so maybe she'll clean it up for you. And remind her when she forgets and starts in on old habits. Give her some grace...21 days to break a habit. But then stick to your convictions and tell her you can't listen to her when she talks in offensive manner. and leave
2006-09-10 22:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by CHos3n 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just let her know that her choice of words don't do her justice, that she is a much better person than that makes her seem to be and you would like for her to represent herself better than she is doing.
You can then add that it also makes you uncomfortable hearing her talk that way.
At least with this approach you are encouraging her and using positive words at the same time.
Good luck with this. I'm sorry you are having to raise your own mother.
2006-09-10 22:10:46 · answer #6 · answered by NONAME 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if you were not raised by your biological mother you truly owe her nothing. While having her in your life might fill that void that you have felt in life, having someone trash you and cursing you is not healthy. She maybe bitter than she wasn't there for you but that does give her the right to disrespect you.
You should very politely explain to her that you would like for her to be in your life but if she is going to continue to treat you like its your fault that she wasn't there for you.
I wish you luck. I have been there.
2006-09-10 22:14:35 · answer #7 · answered by baby_thumper_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you didn't learn to speak like that and you would appreciate it if she would watch her language! If you are an adult you can ask her not to speak like that in your home.If you are still living with someone ask them to tell her to stop it in their home and in front of you. Don't walk on egghsells around her. She should be the one that is forgiving and want to act more mature tahtn her child. She should be appreciative of whomever raised you , respect them and you and behave in the home. You do not have to go to her home if you are uncomfortable around her filthy mouth! Best wishes and remember that you are who you are and she walked away and missed being around wonderful you! She forfeited all rights to act up or try to enter into your life now or to give advice.You are old enough to live as you see fit now!
2006-09-10 22:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar situation with my birth mom who did not raise me. I have told her how I feel, which I would highly recommend. However, I have had to accept that she is who she is and my opinions have not changed her much. She does make an increased effort around me, but I have found, in the long run, it is better to decrease my time with her and realize that she is who she is and I am not going to change her.
2006-09-10 22:11:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She didn't raise you, so legally she is just a "friend." I wouldn't put up with it our of my friends. Besides, I was adopted too, and the people who raised me are my ONLY parents. I knew my biological mother, but I never referred to her that way. My ex-wife did, but she is a manipulative B***H, and was just trying to find another way to use people.
I guess one should ask why you tolerate it at all.
2006-09-10 22:11:12 · answer #10 · answered by wizard8100@sbcglobal.net 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋