Why doesn't the pain go away?

Question

its been 5 months since a friend of mine, Orville "Buddy" Seglar, died in a car accident coming back from the prom. I thought that I would die with the mourning that I went through, but for some reason, the pain still hasn't lessened from the incident. alot has happened since then, I was forced to move 100 miles away and start anew in a new town, but even this won't hasn't made the agony cese, I need closure, but everywhere I look, I cannot find what I need, I find that I have to paint a fake persona of who I was before this incident so the guys won't find me so freakish, only to return home and have an emotional break down, what is wrong with me?

Answer 1

The grief process is long and hard, and contrary to what people think it's generally more like a cycle instead of something that just gets better and better over time. You may want to seek some help from a therapist.

Answer 2

You haven't been able to accept what has happened. You miss your friend. And if you were able to stop or help him in anyway before it happened then you might have a major case of guilt. It takes a long time to get through an event like that. If you aren't able to open up and tell someone how you feel or you keep all your feelings inside they will keep growing and cause you to break down. There are a lot of methods in trying to help yourself. You can seek a counselor to talk about it, seek comfort from family or friends, write out your emotions. Everything will be ok. It's normal to mourn the loss of someone. There is nothing wrong with you. It will take time. Your friend would want you to be ok. He is safe and fine where he is now. He'd tell you everything is ok now.

Answer 3

first of I'm sorry to hear about the loss- that is tough. but like anyone that goes through a death there are many stages of the grieving process.


http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/griefloss.html
(Suggests to read "When Bad things happen to Good people" - is an excellent book- that I read at the age of 20 when my Mother died from cancer)

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/mosby_factsheets/Bereavement.html

This one is on the Seniors living page at ask.com but still has a lot of good info:
http://seniorliving.about.com/od/lifetransitionsaging/a/grieving.htm

The biggest thing you need to do is *not hide* your true feelings- you have to accept the death and as hard as it is you need to let your emotions go through these steps so you can get on with your own life. I will say though in my case, I was only 20 when my Mom died and I am 34 now, I still have bad days that all I can do is cry and think about her. Those days are fewer now then in the past, but they still happen. Life will never be the same and there isn't anything we can do to change that, we just have to keep them in our heart and know that they would want us to carry on with our lives and be happy! :o)

Good luck! If you ever want to talk- email me or IM me (let me know you are from here if you do IM me) I hope you can find some peace and feel a little better soon.

Answer 4

You've been through a bad ordeal and sometimes it takes longer to accept the fact their gone..Apparently you were really close but you need to move on he would have wanted that,,Just remember the good times and know that your time together was precious , It was his time to go but he would'nt want you going through this I'm sure if he could he would tell you to enjoy your life because nobody is promised tomorrow..Although it's hard just remember he's not that far away from you and I'm sure he's looking down on you and hoping you will try to move forward..Do it for him..Love life while you can, he would..God Bless You..

Answer 5

Friend, if this is really happening to you, I am so sorry. 5 months is too soon, in my opinion, to expect any kind of closure. I don't know how old you are. That would affect any advice I'd give. We all have to take life just one day at a time. Some will be better than others. You are still alive.

Answer 6

The closure you need is to go see his grave or memorial and come to terms with the fact that he is gone and that you need to move on. You're looking for love in all the wrong places, you have to go back and see him, running from your problems isn't going to help. You have to accept, and realize that beyond that it's all in your mind. Things Will get better soon after that, and it will be good.

Answer 7

The pain goes away for different people at different rates. You are ok. It is time for you to let go. He would want you to move on. You've had a lot of stress in your life in a short period of time. If you can't do it alone then get help. If you don't want counseling, there are support groups. You can learn to live again.

Try writing in a journal; it will help you release your hurts. I paint my pain and it helps.

Answer 8

Nothing is wrong with you. You are seriously stressed out, and have had a lot of emotional trauma in a short amount of time. Please, consider seeing a psychiatrist. They can talk you through what you are going through so you better understand it and can get on with your life. They can also prescribe medicine if you are interested in that to help get you back on track. Don't suffer unnecessarily.

Good luck hon.

Answer 9

they say time heals all the wounds of the soul but in your heart and soul you still feel the pain and memories that yall once shared its okay to feel pain and grief .. with that comes alot of things and I know it maybe hard but just keep your head up and remember ur friend is in heaven watching over you to do the right thing and be happy even if you cant....

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with you. I think you should see a grief counselor or a therapist.

You might also want to write your friend a "Dear John" letter, it might help you air out your feelings.