My daughter, who lives on the coast of oregon, had her first baby in may. I had just started a great new job here in reno nevada, had not been here long enough to take time off. My fiance and I had a fight about this, but he doesn't pay my bills. Was it wrong of me not to go rushing to Oregon to see her?
2006-09-10 13:38:17 · 25 answers · asked by mslorikaraoke 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't think that makes a bad mom, you have your new job and your daughter will hopefully understand. I can tell you are great mom, so out of great mom, there is great daughter.
Just keep in touch with her as often possible. Don't pay attention to negative answers, they come from selfish daughters.
2006-09-10 14:57:15 · answer #1 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it was not wrong of you to go rushing to Oregon. You are right that you needed to stay with your job. If when you had been hired you had said to the employer that in May I will need to some time off to go to Oregon when my daughter has a baby, then you would have been able to go soon after the baby was born, but you didn't have to be there. I know that when I had my first child, my mother and mother-in-law were fit to be tied because we didn't call them every hour on the hour to give an update on my progress (and they lived close by). After I had the baby they couldn't wait to come to the hospital to see the new grandchild. I on the other hand would have been happy had everyone stayed away for a day. When I had my youngest child, the phone calls didn't happen, the griping about updates didn't happen and then my mother-in-law didn't see the newest grandchild until she was a couple of weeks old because she was in MD for the holidays to see her other grandchild be baptized. So you should do what is best for you and don't worry about what others think. You have bills to pay and yourself to care for.
2006-09-10 13:50:46 · answer #2 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure your daughter knew you couldn't leave work. So, don't be so hard on yourself. I am a single mom of three-all are about grown now. There were times when I needed to get off from work: doctor's appts and the like. Unfortunately for me, my boss wasn't the easiest to work for nor was he very understanding. I had to depend upon friends and family to help. I was lucky that I was later able to find a job with some flexibility. But, due to my finances, I couldn't always take days off when they were sick.
My daughter had a baby in Dec of last year, she lived in Michigan. I did take a Friday and a Monday off to be there. But that was because I could-
I know your daughter knows you love her and that when you can, you will be there!
This is between your daughter and yourself, I know you love your fiance-but his opinion is not the one that matters right now.
2006-09-10 13:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by Hestia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't make you a bad mom. If you have a close relationship with your daughter then you can explain, as I am sure you already have, that you can't come right now. But, do give her the date that you can, and keep in touch with lots of phone calls or email.
New moms have lots of questions. Try to read a few parenting magazines because so much changes from generation to generation. That way you can speak from your past experience, as a new mom, and with some added current knowledge.
2006-09-10 15:15:10 · answer #4 · answered by mar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so I am not an older parent, but I do live across the country from my mom, and I totally understand that she can't just jump up and come over here whenever I want. I do have two small children, and my mom didn't rush over after I had either of them, in fact I took them to see her. So, hopefully your daughter will understand that you have separate lives right now, and you can't be there every time that she needs you. That does NOT make you a bad mom!
2006-09-10 13:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by switchmama 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well if she was having some serious complications that is putting her and her child's life at risk. Many people would say yes you need to go to Oregon.
If she is OK and the baby is OK. I would not take off. Do when you have vacation time plan for vacation or even a weekend visit.
2006-09-10 13:43:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heavens no! The fact that you want to be there says it all, and the street goes both ways. Maybe they could come and see you in Reno. Did your finance want to treat you to a trip to Oregon? I agree with you totally. Sometimes it is hard to do what has to be done. Much easier to just wing it. Sounds like you have your head on straight.
2006-09-10 16:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by violetmax 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not an older mom but my husband is older with other children. I could not imagine not being their for my daughter. Maybe because I don't have any conact with my mother and I would not miss the birth of my grandchild for anything.
When I accepted the new job I would of told them I had a grandchild on the way and tried to do anything in my power to be there for them... I would at least try to do an extended weekend, that is your child and grandchild.
Sorry that is just my own opinion.
2006-09-10 15:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by angelsmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not exactly wrong, but I do think you should have gone. Do you have weekends off? You could've gone for just a short trip.
I'm not a grandmother, but I am a mother and I know how disappointed I would be if our mothers had not come to see our baby.
If you want to be close to your daugher and her family, you need to make more of an effort. She has a baby now, so she can't worry about her relationship with you as much.
2006-09-10 13:42:59 · answer #9 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No....I thinks it good that you stayed with your job. Im sure you would go if you could have...but bills need to be paid and you can't just take time off from a new job, or you may lose it.....Go see your grandbaby when you can scedule the time off...In the mean time enjoy seeing pics of her and talking with your daughter over the phone.
2006-09-10 13:45:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋