Can somebody please tell me a joke to make me laugh?

Question

I am so bored and i don't want to start drinking again..

Answer 1

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and you shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to you to bring a smile on your face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps you in making you laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 2

Like Athena, I think the problem requires more than a joke (although some of the jokes are truly funny). You are an unique being, one of we small gods who are responsible for creating the structure and day to day activity of the universe. You are also specifically a member of the so-called human race on planet Earth. We, as a group, are in the process of overpopulating and disrupting the ecology of the entire planet. Global warming is perhaps the worst result of our heedless activities. Our survival depends on us all getting our minds together and creating a society that places first importance on care of the planet. If you consider these facts, you will realize that none of us has the time to indulge in the idea of being bored. There is simply too much important stuff going on to act so self absorbed and narrowly focused on our own little personal preoccupations. Besides, the best theory I can find says that we are all immortal, and our future progress depends on what we do now. Start paying attention to what is really important. Read a lot. Try Discover magazine. Get real.

Answer 3

there was these 3 friend hiking and 1 found a geni in a lamp up on this hill and the geni said ill grant each of you 1 wish all you have to do is jump off this here hill and say what you really want and youll land with it at the bottom, the 1st was very happy to go and said i wish for a million dollers and at the bottom he landed with a million dollers and the 2nd wished for a brand new truck for which he wanted all his life for he always had 2nd hand cars, trucks ect. and the 3rd didnt know what he wanted and the geni said go now or never have a wish , so he started to run and before he jumped he tripped up and said s h i t and landed in a pile of s h i t all 3 tired to go back and look for the bottle but it was gone and that poor 3rd man just had **** lol toodles i hope this made you laugh

Answer 4

Hi. I am awful at jokes, but I cared enough to just stop to say: please don't start drinking again. Even if you get bored, don't use that as an excuse. You are a fine guy and booze only messes up your life. Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

A man was very distraught at the fact that he had not taken out a woman for a very long time. He began to worry that he had something wrong with him, so he decided to employ the services of a medical sex therapist. His own GP recommended that he go to see Dr Chang, a well known Chinese sex therapist.
So he went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room Dr Chang said, "OK, preeze take off all your crose". The man did as he was told. "Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of loom". Again the man did as he was instructed. "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me". So he did. Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not get dates".

Confused, the man asked "Oh my God, Dr Chang. What is Ed Zachary Disease?"

"Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your a**."

Answer 6

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League,honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says,"Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries
desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real ***** this time."

Answer 7

a man walks into a grocery store and a clerk comes up and tells the man, you know that your barrack doors are open never hearing this one before went about his business while shopping another man walks up and says's hey man your fly open the man thanks him and pulls up his zipper.

He goes to the check out and there at the register is the same clerk, so he decides to have fun with her so he tells her when i came in and you told me that my barrack doors was open did you happen to see a soldier standing at a attention no she said all I saw was a disabled vet lying on two duffel bags

Answer 8

This bunch of old ladies were on vacation, and they were on the tour bus.

This one lady kept going up to the bus driver every now and then to offer him some nuts. This went on about 3-4 times, and finally the bus driver asked her why she kept giving him nuts to eat.

The old lady told him, "The nuts are to hard for us to bite, so we ate just the chocolate part only."

Answer 9

So once there was this guy who was a total loser, and one night he tried to avoid alcohol by posting a question on a forum full of sarcastic jerks, and they all told him to go drink, because it tastes so good to have a drink!!!!!! mmmmmm drinking rules! Go have a drink!

Answer 10

Ok,
there was this little boy his name was dig-a-little-deeper, well his mom left to go shopping, he hears a knock on the door and answers, this girl is there and says "can I come in", he says "my momma told me not to, I don't think I want to", she then says "I'll give you a cookie", he says, "OK" she comes in and says "can we go to your room" he replies "My momma told me not to I don't think I want to", She says, "I'll give you another cookie", he says "Fine", she then ask "Can we take our clothes off, and lay together?" He says "My momma told me not to, I don't think I want to", she says "I'll give you all the cookies", he says
"sure" the mom comes home and says "DIG-A-LITTLE-DEEPER", he says "I-AM, I-AM"
maybe not the funniest but it maks me laugh...