Recently, when I took my daughter on a trip to Missouri to visit her father, she was returned to me with at least 15+ bruises. Some were even very legible as finger marks. This was very disturbing to me when I discovered them, as one would figure. Therefore, I took my daughter to a motel immediately and called DFS to report the alleged abuse. I met with one of their employees that works with small children and made up a statement. He told me that the case would remain open while he and the other investigators tried to decipher the situation. If they could not come to any conclusions with substantial evidence the case would close in 30 days. I brought my daughter home with me after this I got her in to see a child therapist and have been working with him to resolve some issues. She gave a couple of explanations for the occurrences and the therapist wrote up an official report and sent it down to the case worker. I still have not heard from him. What can I do to get some response/help?
2006-09-10 09:04:18 · 15 answers · asked by sugaspice_n_smiles 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
RE:Apparently I wasn't totally specific on this. I did, in fact, take pictures and have them saved on my computer so when I pursue this further I can take them with me as evidence. Also, this doesn't allow for very lengthy comments on something so serious. That being said, my daughter was supposed to be in her father's care while this took place, but supposedly he had left her with other family members... None of them have enough stamina to actually pursue the situation, so they just get upset with me for not allowing her to be alone with any of them, when they won't even bother to help me sort things out. I do have custody of her and and his visitation at soley based on my discretion. I have not chosen to do the court thing quite yet because I am hoping to find out who the actual culprit is. I don't want to ruin someone's life with horrid accusations if they are not the perpetrator. My concern lies completely in her well-being, the response is by DFS is simply to help ensure this 100%
2006-09-10 09:36:29 · update #1
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONCERN, THOUGHTS, AND PRAYERS! THEY ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED AND I NEED AS MANY PEOPLE IN MY CORNER AS POSSIBLE, EVEN IF ONLY THROUGH PRAYERS. THANK YOU AGAIN!
2006-09-10 09:39:45 · update #2
86 the father...
2006-09-10 09:13:22 · answer #1 · answered by Vinegar Taster 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You called the authorities and you took pictures...both of which were excellent first steps. What has your daughter said in reference to all of these bruises??? Have you contacted an attorney?? I would...take the pictures, and tell him what you have done so far, and ask what else can be done because it sounds like you have not gotten any answers as of yet. I would also push for a restraining order and a non-visitation order until this is resolved. She does not need to visit him right now, or ask that DHR/DHS, child services, whatever it is be required to supervise any visitation until further notice, which means that he will have to make his visitation arrangements through the service in which both you and the service has to approve. The attorney will be able to help you get things going a lot quicker.
Good luck...6 yrs ago my ex-hubby didn;t want to return our boys after a visit....because of his interference with the custody and visitation order, he now has to see them with DHR supervising which is a pain for him because he lives 6 hrs away, and they will only allow visitation Mon-Friday during normal office hours...they haven't seen him in 4yrs.
2006-09-10 10:23:51 · answer #2 · answered by thedothanbelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not place much faith in the child protection system--especially if your daughter has a visit your (hopefully) ex-husband anytime soon.
Call the police--have THEM fill out a report. Then call DFS.
Go to a hospital--have THEM fill out a report and take pictures. Then call DFS.
Hire a lawyer.
Have the lawyer follow up the police report and hospital report and photo in court to get a restraining order against the bastard.
While they mean well, DFS is probably overloaded with cases anyway.
2006-09-10 09:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by Teacher Man 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sue her father. Take him to court. The judge will see the evidence. They may even check to see if the the size of his fingers matches the size of her finger-shaped bruises. After some more work with the therapist, your child may even be ready to testify against him. You'll get full custody of your daughter (if you already don't), and he won't get any visitation rights. He'll also probably go to jail for a little while.
2006-09-10 09:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by عبد الله (ドラゴン) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but I am so sorry for your situation. You are doing the right thing. Just be sure that this is on record & take pictures so YOU have them. If he wants her back...say no. If he insists, take him to court with your proof/pictures/police reports/etc... He won't have a case. You can get your daughter a PFA on him. If you can prove that he is a danger to the child then he won't be allowed to have her anymore. Best of luck to you. Take care of her. Protect her with everything you have. Over my dead body would anyone like him ever touch her again.
2006-09-10 09:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by IMHO 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unforunately, sometimes they do not make a difference. I once had a order of protection against my oldest sons father since he stabbed his girlfriend in front of my son on his first weekend visit under a visitation order. He was 7. The order was good for 2 yrs. Then I went back to court to get it longer, and since he did not actually violate the order, I had to send my son back there even though he had come up with other domestic abuse charges since the order took into effect. The judge said that my son was not in danger since he never physiclly hurt him. Well,guess what? The second time being there, he hit my son with a belt so badly that it left severe bruising and swelling on him. There was also hand marks and what looked like a stick to invetigators. Then DCFS came and investigated me for 'allowing' child abuse against my son. They came in and took all of my children and I had to fight to get them back.They said that they were protecting them since I was unable to protect them. They didn't care that a judge made me take him back or go to jail. None of that was relavent to them. DCFS did not care. They just wanted to find me guilty of child neglect and then make me jump hoops to get my boys back. They are full of ****. If they ever try to make me send him back, I will take my children and run out of country. I cant work for a daycare or anything because I was convicted of child neglect for 'allowing' my child to get abused. I didn't even do anything wrong. An attorney who is now a friend of mine said that they do that all the time and are actually trained to look at poor people closer than the rich people, and that they get paid $27.06/day/child that they have in custody in the state of Illinois. He said that if I would have had an attorney and not a state paid one, then I could have won the charge since it is a bogus charge. I was listed as unable to care for them properly. There biggest reason was I lost my job due to my pregnancy and they thought I couldnt take care of them. That is why they said that they kept them after finding out the dad was the one that hit him and the other children werent even there and I am the one who reported it to them. Now, the father only pays $9/wk for child support and signed over his rights. My son is 16 and there is nothing I can get him for $9/wk, so I just give him the money. He is the one that was traumatized not me. Good luck to ya.
2006-09-10 10:17:57 · answer #6 · answered by rutchy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be less concerned about their response than her well being. Unfortunately, in order to properly weed out false reports (believe me there are tons of them) they have a lengthy process. I hope that this can be rectified soon, but for now, just make her life emotionally healthy. She will pick up on your anxiety and concern about this situation more than you know.
2006-09-10 09:07:48 · answer #7 · answered by finaldx 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be brief with your ex. Tell him no more visits until HE finds out who did it, if it was another member of the family. Don't get emotional or argue with him. Be brief, be firm, hang up. Throw the responsiblity back at him to SOLVE the problem, or make him come see her on your turf, under supervision only.
No histrionics, or that what he and his family will focus on. Stay calm and unwavering.
You trusted her in his care, with no caveats, until proven otherwise. He has proven she is no longer safe in his care. Until he proves otherwise, no unsupervised visits.
Court time.
God Bless you--this will be hard any way it plays out. Stand firm, you will never regret holding your ground.
2006-09-14 15:26:01 · answer #8 · answered by Love2Sew 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep calling their offices, the more persistant you are the more likely they are to move things along.
Make sure you keep every detail documented, anything new she starts to talk about, any phone calls with the father that might hint at an abusive situation... that sort of thing.
2006-09-10 09:08:03 · answer #9 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that this happened to your daughter. Let commend you on the way you seem to be handling this horrible situation.
I don't know what I would have reacted under your circumstances. keep her safe don't let her go back to him and if she is in school make sure you let them know no one other than yourself or someone you completely trust is allowed to pick her up at any time. I pray you resolve and find peace with this. God bless you and your daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-10 09:21:42 · answer #10 · answered by Sam 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Next time make sure you take photos! The bruises fade, and then you have no evidence! I'm sorry this happened to your daughter. I hope you get the justice you seek.
2006-09-10 09:07:42 · answer #11 · answered by Laurie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋