2006-09-10 08:41:28 · 10 answers · asked by Lorie Arriaga 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A man won a ticket to the Super Bowl, but when he got there, he was very disappointed. He was on the far left, at the back. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than he was to the field.
But halfway through the first quarter, he spotted an empty 50-yard-line seat that had to be the best seat in the house. He went down to the empty seat and said to the guy sitting beside it, "Is anyone sitting here?"
"Nope" the guy replied.
So the man sat down, and about 30 minute later, he couldn't resist saying, "Man! This is an awesome seat! Whoever gave it up must be CRAZY!"
The guy sitting next to him replied, "Well, actually, that was supposed to be my wife's seat, but she died."
The man, feeling like a total jerk said, "Oh, that's awful, but couldn't you have asked a relative to come with you?"
"No", said the guy. "They're all at the funeral."
2006-09-10 09:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by themacncheesepunk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS ONE ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH!! =]]
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
2006-09-10 15:43:22 · answer #2 · answered by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is the best joke i have heard in a while:
3 guys are playing golf and they get to a hole and the green is an island in the middle of a large lake. The first guy steps up, its Moses, he hits the ball and it lands in the water so he parts the water walks up to the ball and hits it, lands 6 feet from the hole. second guy steps up, its Jesus, he hits the ball it lands on a lily pad, so he walks on the water and hits the ball, it lands 6 inches from the hole, the next guy steps up and hits it WAY to the right where it lands on a small patch of land, a squirel grabs the ball and runs away from the hole then a hawk swoops down and grabs the squirel and flies over the hole, and the squirel drops it into the hole. And Moses says to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad"
here is another: what is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
the golfer goes *whack* "darn" the diver goes "darn" *whack*
2006-09-10 15:53:13 · answer #3 · answered by Davy D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK just to let you know, my family and I arent Christian. My grandma is and she was watching a special on the story of Jesus one day, this is what happened:
It was about 4 years ago, my mom, grandma, and I were making christmas cookies in the dining room. We took a break and was watching the special on tv. My mom does not have the best of hearing. She was sitting there talking to my grandma when she all of a sudden burst out in laughter. We asked her why she was laughing and she said " I coulda sworn that was part of the program...." We later found out that the last thing she heard of the program was " And the Angel of the Lord said...." when a Meow Mix commercial came up.
" And the Angel of the Lord said.... Meow Meow Meow Meow........" We still hold that over her head....
Blessed be!!!!
2006-09-10 16:24:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
once they re was a blonde girl who got tired of all the dumb blonde jokes so she died her hair brown. She also wanted to prove she was smart so she went to a farm and counted all of the sheep she saw well after she counted them she went to the farmers door and knocked well the farmer came to the door and she asked him If she could tell him exactly how many sheep he had in his feild if she could have one he said "sure" she looked around for a sec and said "85" he said well youve earned yourself a sheep he said go pick one so she went and picked one out it was so friendly licken her face and wagin it's tail as she loaded it up in to her truck the farmer said if I can guess what color your hair really is can I have my dog back!!!
2006-09-10 15:53:57 · answer #5 · answered by shebunkin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok but this is a racest joke
theres a blond,bernette,and a red head
and there stuck on this island and they have to swim back home
the bernette made it home and so did the red head
then it's was the blonds turn so she swam 3/4 's and she was almost thereuntil she got tired and swam back....LOL
2006-09-10 15:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by tooba ash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Early Shopper
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
2006-09-10 15:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by babyblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THERE WAS THIS COUPLE THAT WANTED TO GO SOMEWHERE TOGETHER FOR FUN,SO THEY DECIDED TO GO TO THE BEACH AND HAVE A FEW DRINKS,THE MAN LAID DOWN ON THE BEACH AND DECIDED TO TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF WHILE HIS LADY FRIEND WENT FOR ANOTHER DRINK,LOOKING IN BETWEEN HER GUYS LEGS,AS A VIRGIN SHE SAYS WHAT'S THAT? HE REPLIED THAT IS MY BIRD''SHE SAID OK! WHAT'S THEM UNDER YOUR BIRD?''SHE ASK, THAT'S THE BIRD EGGS,WHAT'S THE PATCH AROUND THE BIRD EGGS ? THAT'S THE BIRD NEST,AHHHH ! OK!'' SHE REPLIED'' SO HE LAY THERE A LITTLE LONGER AND SHE BEGAN TO STROKE HIS BIRD SLOWLY, THEN FASTER.THE GUY PASSED OUT AND WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY IN THE HOSPITAL WONDERING WHY HE IS THERE,THEN NOTICES HIS LADY FRIEND A SITTING IN THE CHAIR BESIDE HIM,HE LOOKS UNDER HIS SHEETS IN PAIN AND REPLIES WHAT HAPPENED? ''SHE SAID'' I STARTED PLAYING WITH YOUR BIRD AND I GOT MAD BECAUSE IT SPIT ALL OVER ME SO I CHOPPED IT'S HEAD OFF,CRACKED IT'S EGGS,AND BURNT IT'S NEST.
2006-09-10 16:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by lil frogger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ummmmmmmmm i got a dumb blond joke.
How do you kno a computer has been used by a dumb blond.
Theres white out all over the screen.
Ha Ha Ha Ha. Sigh yeah.
2006-09-10 15:44:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was dead!
2006-09-10 15:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by serenityredflowers 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋