Am i doing the right thing??

Question

My partner hasnt worked for a considerable amount of time due to a disability. We dont share the same house but we divide our time between both houses. It makes sense not to live with each other right now due to financial problems. I have however, been supporting him financially and what money he does get, he does contribute. He is also in the process of looking for work and has just applied for a good position with a well known employer. My question is, is it wrong to support him if we dont actually "Live" together. I know he isnt taking advantage of me as he helps me out in a lot of ways including household duties for me etc and the decorating. He has also been looking after me whilst i was ill and i stayed at his with my son and he looked after the both of us. My family say i am wrong to but i know if he had money, he would contribute even more. Am i just being paranoid??

partner is recovering from nervous breakdown after surviving cancer!!

Answer 1

I feel that you are doing the right thing. He is in a situation right now that was not part of his doing. As long as he contributes financially when he does have money and he contributes around the house and to you and your son emotionally then I don't see anything wrong with this. I would not let your family tell you that you are doing the wrong thing. You have to do what you feel is right. Good Luck to you and your partner.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're a sweetheart. If you know he isn't taking advantage of you and he does contribute what he can, even if it isn't always monetary, then it sounds like a mutually beneficial situation to me. Although, I'm curious how you figured the two of you would have fewer financial problems living apart than seperately. If you live together, you only have one set of rent/mortgage/utility bills and the cost of feeding more mouths at one time is only a marginal increase if you do your own cooking compared to the cost of feeding two households seperately. Of course, moving in together is definately more of a commitment. Either way, even if you do trust him explicitely, I'd recommend always keeping your bank accounts and bills seperate. You can still help each other out with the other's bills if need be, but that way things are easier to track and it's not nearly as messy if you should split up.

Answer 3

Money isn't everything. People get a certain amount of money in a month and 24 hours in a day.

Is he giving you as much free time as you're giving him spare money, percentage wise? If he spends half his time looking for work and the other half looking after you and your home, that sounds fair to me.

If he's spending 95% of his time watching TV and 5% of his time begrudgingly cleaning up badly, maybe it's not so fair.

In the end, only you can make your decisions and nobody else can do it for you. If you lived in the same house, you'd probably feel the same, right? What difference does your address make to how fair the balance of your relationship is.

If you were doing all the giving and he was doing all the watching TV, that wouldn't be fair however you looked at it. As it sounds, in my mind, you've got a pretty fair arrangement going on.

Keep doing what seems right.
froggie

Answer 4

If I get this straight,You have been supporting for a "considerable amount" of time. What is a considerable? If over a 6 months I think you are being used. You didn't state if this was financially hurting you. If it is let him know. If he starts with all he did for you,ask him to sign a promissory note. And pay every thing in check form. He maybe getting lazy.

Answer 5

how long have you been toghther? it sounds like your being a good girlfriend if there was really a reason he was physicaly unable to work (didnt he get some kind of disabitly pay) and you are sure hes not just using you for your money and he is helping out as much as he can i would say your being a good person if you can help him withough straining yourslef fincaily and so long as this doesnt continue for a long time its sounds like he is getting back on his feet hopefuly he will repay your kindness but be careful you say he has been watching your son and doing your housekeeping you may start to look at him or even treat him like he is an employee someone how below you or like he has to do these things to repay you for what was you just being kind to him. so make sure you are both on the same page and make sure he is pulling himslef up and not sulking and allowing you to support him.

Answer 6

If you are okay with helping your partner then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone else , when we help others it helps us also not that we need to be repaid but the golden rule says " Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" I believe that and if I were in your position I would do the same , As long as we are doing the right things then God will take care of us , hope this helps

Answer 7

Hi there,
The Champ here!
Hey u say u r paranoid abt the situation?? Dont worry.. U doin the right thing! He is disabled, right? So dont let him feel this disability factor. Thats the trick!

Ur family are confusing a helping hand with some other matter, so confront them with ur concerns!
It helps lots!!

Take care and Njoi life!!

Answer 8

I agree with the other person.
You're deffinately not being paranoid dear.
It takes alot of care to look out for someone like such.
And it's obvious that he really apperciates it.
As he his helping you with what he can.
I'd say keep it up.
You're not doing anything wrong. :)

Answer 9

I feel your being paranoid. Your doing a wonderful thing and it sound like he really appreciates it and not taking advantage of you. Your blessing will come back to you.

Answer 10

i dont feel its wrong for you to help him,as long as hes helping out with other things and hes not a leach.Partners are supposed to help each other out ,thats part of a relationship.