I'm a mother of 2 girls.They are twins,age 3.Their father died a few months after they were born.Resently they started to ask me about their father,where is he,why all the kids in kindergarten hav fathers and they don't have etc.What should I tell them?They know he is dead but they can't understand it.
2006-09-10 06:40:34 · 15 answers · asked by Jillian I 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Tell them the truth.Tell them you don't know what happens after death but people believe that dead people go to heaven.Explain them what do you imagine when you say "heaven".Tell them stories about their father,how he smiled when he saw them first or how did he play with them.That's how they easily will go through this.Their father is dead but you are still a lovely family:)
2006-09-10 06:44:59 · answer #1 · answered by julie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As i cant relate directly,i do however understand.this is very difficult for kids mainly smaller ones,but honesty is the best policy it sounds like your already doing what you can.Just explain to them that people including fathers die and there are a lot of kids including in their class,don't have their daddies anymore and that there actually fortunate because some kids don't have parents all some have lost both parents.And that dad is in a special place and he watches over them and protects them and that he can still hear ,and that they can talk to dad any time they want because hes still around in spirit.although they might not understand all of this they will in time.All you can do is be the best mom,and nurture them they'll understand someday. There are some songs you know that you can play for them,I'm having a hard time thinking of the titles but i listen lot to 106.3 (I'malready there take a look around im the sunshine in your hair)-this song is about a father singing over the phone to his kids. (mothers be good to your daughters daughters will learn like you do em).And many more hope this helps.PS.a friend
2006-09-10 07:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by my space 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughters father died when she was 4 years old. Obviously she did not comprehend what the problem was. I have always spoken to her in a manner that she can understand and it seemed to work with regard to her Dad. I don't know if your are religious or not but iItold my daughter that her Dad had died because he was very poorly. His life was painful and although he would have loved to be around to see her grow up there was nothing he good do. I said that he had died and was not in pain any longer but would always be with us watching from heaven. The story has changed very little over the years and she is now a well adjusted 20 year old who has grown up to believe that her dad watches over her everyday.
My heart goes out to you and I hope your life gets better. Enjoy your children and be happy.
2006-09-10 07:38:45 · answer #3 · answered by PHILIP C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mother just died
we waited all day to tell my eight year old(theres also athree year old and a two year old)
when we told her, we just took her out to the rose garden and told her, well yknow grandmas been sick, and shes gone and gone to be with god
she said"where?" like, she wanted a location
so i pointed to a cloud and said, right up there on that cloud
and a big bigger than usual monarch butterfly flew at my daughters head from outta nowhere
so we said, oh thats a sign
she said, is it grandma?
we said, sure
which is nice, cause she was bedridden for almost a year before she passed away
so to be mythologized as a butterfly is beautiful and sets her free
so now everytime she sees a big monarch butterfly she feels her grandma is checking in with her befoer fluttering off on some fun butterfly adventure
i dont know if youre comfortable with that
but kinda let the kids take the lead and make up a cute little family legend about the deceased
its not strictly religious i know
but its sweet and helped her
and so the two little ones were more accepting of her word for it- grandmas a butterfly
this makes sence to the toddlers
grandma didnt like being stuck in bed sick all day so now shes a butterfly-THAT makes sence whereas DEAD doesnt make snece to a toddler
i dont know
it worked for us
2006-09-10 06:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by justsomedumbgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern. Answer their questions simply! Where is he? With God, in a special place,heaven where he can watch over you. All the kids have fathers? Answer: You do too! Show them a picture of their father, make him real. Explain, that daddy loves them, if you have pictures of him holding them, show them to the girls. If you talk about God in you home and they say their prayers at night, use that time to tell them that just the way they talk to God without seeing him, that daddy is with God right by his side. They will attach God, Heaven and Daddy. Hope that helps!
Aggie
agathaperrin@yahoo.com
Stayin Home and Lovin It
http://homestoday.topratebiz.com
2006-09-10 07:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by aggie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter was really close to my dad when he was sick (she was 3). We lived there so that I could take care of him. When he died, my daughter tore through the house the next morning saying "I want my papa". I gave her a big hug and told her that papa had to go to heaven so that he could watch over her. As she grew older, we discussed in on a more mature level. At 3, I don't think they understand life and death. That's why I told my daughter that my dad was still with us, in our hearts, but we just couldn't see him.
2006-09-10 06:52:27 · answer #6 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Above all be honest, tell them that Daddy died and went to heaven, I know its a difficult one, but kids understand more than you think.
2006-09-10 07:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by charliecat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have pictures show them there father & tell them daddy is in heaven and he can see them but they can't see him . Just tell them daddy is sort of magic . And answer all questions they might have . Also tell them stories of daddy . Even though he is not there it helps to have an idea of who daddy was .
2006-09-10 06:54:09 · answer #8 · answered by Butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that god has taken him to a place where he can relax and enjoy everything. Tell them that life is like a game, everyone plays their part. if they don't understand then, just tell them that heaven is a place of angels and happyness and that their father will be watching them.
2006-09-10 06:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep loving them and being patient. Children don't usually begin to understand the concept or permanence of Death until they are 5 or older. Their only memories of him will rely on yours and how you share them.
2006-09-10 07:05:53 · answer #10 · answered by Pundit Bandit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋